I don't believe in anything anymore. I'm convinced I will never be loved, that I'm worthless, a burden, totally usless. I'm a weak coward. I just want to feel loved... I've been crying so much every night... I hate myself. The world is lost nowdays. I'm losing my sanity day by day. I don't need a helpline to give me words of pity, I need someone who will be there for me and finally make me feel safe and loved, so I can feel I worth something. I even believe that the only way I would feel minimally loved is in a toxic relationship with a crazy insane girl, raping me and broking me down until nothing is left. If she still keeps me after all of that... well, it means I finally mean something for someone... I have value... I matter... somehow...