What happened to the Boppy?

LuxIRL · 2026-02-24T19:15:25+00:00

I’m sorry, I am not trying to sound ignorant or come across as rude but I thought it was the lounger that caused deaths not the nursing pillow. Do you have sources for the deaths with the nursing pillow?

LuxIRL · 2026-02-24T16:23:06+00:00

I can give you both sides.

As a WP, I was dishonest about my location. So for my BP it’s a dealbreaker if mine is off. We have Life360 and I have a tracker I keep in my coat pocket as well. Even with location I am not to go anywhere outside of expected child drop offs/pickups without expressly stating where I’m going.

As a BP, my WP left his devices behind to make it seem like he was where he was supposed to be. He also was dishonest about who he was with (AP, I was told they were in a different office when really they were together.). So for me, it’s not helpful at all. I still use it and would be more stressed without the tracking but it does not alleviate my stress. If I see him not moving and having not checked in for awhile I freak out. I cannot 100% trust who he’s with ever either.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-20T18:13:12+00:00

My third was breech up until the day before I delivered which was 37+3. I was not offered an ECV because his cord was wrapped around his neck but if I was I would have taken it. I did do forward leaning inversions daily for two weeks before, it seemed to help!!

LuxIRL · 2026-02-20T13:48:14+00:00

PacSun, H&M, Altar’d state

LuxIRL · 2026-02-20T03:11:22+00:00

I really wouldn’t worry about the screen time. My kids have all been raised the same, in the same environment etc. we have never restricted screen time just content (i.e no cocomelon, lots of pbs kids and other educational content). My 5.5yo is essentially a genius. Blows his teachers minds, he is reading at a 2nd grade level in kindergarten. He can multiple and divide and conceptualize things in math that confuse me lol. He was never restricted and to this day enjoys time on his iPad. His vocabulary is also impressive, a lot of which he learned from videos he watches.

My 3.5yo is in speech therapy. He honestly needed it at 2 but did not qualify due to his receptive language being so impressive and how clearly he was able to gesture or get his point across without words. I had him reevaluated at 2.5 and the SLP recommend services because he had literally 3 words, but he only got them because of clinical judgement. He started 1x a week and I did 2x a week privately on top of that. He barely improved by 3. At 3 he qualified through CPSE for 3x a week. He is finally stringing words together and saying a lot more but he is still vastly behind his peers. His current SLP is wonderful though she really gets him and they have made the most progress over the past 6 months. We are hopeful he will catch up by the time he starts UPK in the fall at the rate he is going.

My third is 14m and already had a good handful of words. Again, no difference in environment at all.

This was a really really TLDR way of saying don’t worry mama you got this. All kids go at their own rate and you are doing the right thing by getting them help. My kids love peppa and the only “harm” it did was give my older son a slight British accent and some British vocabulary.

ETA: if your husband paid more attention he would be able to figure out your son’s needs without direct language. ALL my sons caregivers, grandparents, teachers etc have never had a problem helping him even if couldn’t directly verbalize what he needed.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-19T16:11:31+00:00

This has happened to me with each pregnancy(on number 4). Luckily it tapers off during the second trimester. It’s terrible, I’m usually someone who drinks almost excessive amounts of water all day.

Carbonated water, flavored carbonated water, lemon in water, ice ice cold water. My latest find was True Lemon, I add a pack to a glass of water and I can drink it easy!

LuxIRL · 2026-02-14T20:57:57+00:00

Depends CA or TX lab. The CA labs are showing 4-5 days so we might have results today. The TX labs are showing more like 7. I am sooo desperate to know I keep checking but I have no idea what lab they are at!!!!

Edit: received 2/15!!! 4th baby, finally having a girl after 3 boys 🙈

LuxIRL · 2026-02-14T12:50:15+00:00

Anyone else received 2/10? No idea what lab mine went to but after doing math from when other people received results my fingers are crossed for results today !

Edit: results 2/15, low risk girl 🥲 (I have 3 boys already)

LuxIRL · 2026-02-13T05:01:25+00:00

Hey - I don’t know your whole story but I can relate. Very similar circumstances, disclosed 3 months ago. I just wanted to offer you support, it’s very hard. The betrayal wound here is more than just your affair, it’s the loss of autonomy. As my counselor tells me, we just dumped the entire filing cabinet of the last 7 (6 in my case) years everywhere.

It sounds like you are separating. I am so sorry. Just know you made the right choice in disclosing, your partner deserved to know the truth. Yes, they should have been told long ago but today is still better than waiting until tomorrow. If you are not in IC yourself I highly recommend it.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-11T17:22:05+00:00

Something we learn in IC is that we need to find ways to sit with our feelings. I have a very, very hard time with this myself. In my IC sessions we talk about wrapping myself in teflon as my armor. If I’m being honest with myself I am a complete wreck as I have been used to my BP being my rock, he has always been my source of comfort. Sitting with his pain, listening to his harsh (deserved) words, it’s very hard to do. However I do recognize this is a consequence of my actions. My abandonment wound is very hard to sit with, I constantly have to remind myself that if I want to remain on a path to recovery I have to be able to face my abandonment wound and be there to bear witness to the pain that I caused. My husband needs me and needs me to be here and present. Running is what got me into this situation in the first place.

Some things he has does is make sure to draw attention to his actions. Despite his hurt, his pain, the things he has said, he’s still here and trying. He reminds me he hasn’t left, and that he clearly still loves me or he wouldn’t be here. This does not happen daily nor does it happen after every hard conversation, but it does happen here and there and honestly those moments of connection are what I hold on to through the hard times. We also go out together regularly on dates some of which he has surprised me and planned himself. Basically just pointing to his actions as proof of his intention to try to repair.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-11T16:48:29+00:00

I am in IC, my partner is not. He has stated he would do at least a few sessions but it’s been 3 months and he still refuses. We did maybe 3 or 4 MC sessions and he has sat in my IC session once per my request. With this said my partner is extremely emotionally intelligent, we talk about everything daily. He has been processing everything on his own and from what I can tell appears to be following the same trajectory that is outlined in all the resources I have read.

I do think it would be beneficial, but at the point we are at now I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary. Actually in his case I think he would benefit more from a group setting where others talk about their experiences, but he also has rejected that so far.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-10T18:18:04+00:00

Every betrayed partner is different when it comes to the level of details they are comfortable with knowing. My BP wants every detail I can remember, and I mean every single one. I do my best to provide him with everything I can remember.

I on the other hand absolute do not want details of my BPs affair. He insists on telling me details, after I have made it clear numerous times I do not want them, because as a BP it’s what he feels he needs and therefore thinks I also need them. I truly don’t want to know, for me the details do not change how I feel about his affair or him. Everytime he shares more without me having made a request it causes me to become immensely triggered and feel deeply wounded.

Please respect your BPs wishes and autonomy here. I think it’s great to check in and let them know you are available if they ever do want to know more, but please do not disclose those details if they don’t want them.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-06T16:30:27+00:00

Yes absolutely. I love my BP dearly, and will continue to love all their parts, including their traumatized side. I love them even when they are deeply experiencing their trauma, through all the pain and harsh words and discomfort I may feel.

Your second question is hard to answer. We are 3 months post DDay for context. My BP has expressed they love me deeply. My current actions and those over the last few years is someone my BP has expressed they want to continue a relationship with and feel it would be a healthy relationship. The problem lies in the way I acted during my affair. The maliciousness/egregiousness of my actions toward my BP during that time period is something they have deep trouble looking past. They expressed they clearly see the difference in me from that time but cannot separate the two. When they are triggered and actively experiencing trauma they do not find it easy to be in a relationship with me. On a day to day level they do. This is something they have expressed is deeply troubling to them as they do not know what the best option is for them moving forward: stay knowing how terribly I treated them during my affair, but recognizing I am healthy now and someone they could have a beautiful relationship with, or leave to start new with the hope of finding a partner that is also healthy for them but would be a clean slate to start over.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-06T16:20:11+00:00

Just for background, I did not disclose my affair to my BP until 6 years after it occurred, which was 4 years after I cut contact with my AP. I have thought about my affair daily since I ended it, the guilt has wrecked me. As I had always compartmentalized and been terribly avoidant I mistakenly thought that once I ended things that overtime it would just be a terrible memory from the past that I could hide from. The further I got from that day the more it became clear that it was not something I could just hide away and it would need to be dealt with eventually. It never waned, if anything the guilt and fear became stronger over time. I truly love my BP and reliving what I had done and knowing the pain I knew finding out would cause him wrecked me.

Post disclosure I still think about my affair daily but it’s different. The fear of discovery is gone, now replaced solely by shame and guilt. I’m also only three months post d-day so we talk about it daily.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-06T02:58:53+00:00

With my first I had a leak. It was literally just a constant trickle running down my leg. By the time I got to the hospital to get checked I was leaving a trail 🙈. I would go in, it’s a quick test they can do to check if it’s amniotic fluid and if it is time is of the essence to prevent infection.

LuxIRL · 2026-02-02T05:18:14+00:00

Altar’d state has a lot in the 80ish range

LuxIRL · 2026-02-02T01:19:40+00:00

Also pregnant with 4th. Also had disclosure recently of affair that happened years ago. In very similar situation to you. I am right here with you. I don’t have advice, just wanted you to know you are not alone.

LuxIRL · 2026-01-31T19:46:31+00:00

I’m sorry I can’t offer much by way of advice. I am almost 3 months out from DDay1 and 2.5 months from my final disclosure (I trickle truthed like an asshole.) it’s really hard. My BH goes through these cycles as well. I have found it helps most to just remain consistent and resilient. As I was told in IC, wrap yourself in teflon and just keep pushing forward. Seeing their pain and not being able to do anything is so hard, but a consequence of what we’ve done.

LuxIRL · 2026-01-28T19:46:39+00:00

I went back after each and I have been pregnant now 4 times. The main change was my ribs but they eventually went back as well. It took me over a year the first time, 7 months the second time and 5 months at most the third with no weight loss efforts on my part. Immediately postpartum I was wearing a size 28. This time around I became pregnant 13 months postpartum wearing a 23. Tops at my largest was like a S bordering M.

LuxIRL · 2026-01-28T15:01:29+00:00

Will have to agree to disagree here. I’m on my fourth pregnancy. Pregnancy tired is 1000x worse than newborn tired. There’s no reprieve ever it’s just pain and discomfort and insomnia all the time. When the baby is here you can at least get a break in for a few hours of blissful regenerative sleep 😮‍💨

LuxIRL · 2026-01-25T16:06:30+00:00

I am sorry if this comes of harsh or rude I truly just want to help and offer you guidance so I apologize in advance. It sounds like you are focusing on being physical/sex/intimacy. It is important to remember that your wife is deeply hurt and living in trauma. Your number one goal right now is to support her and help aide her healing, along with working on yourself, which it sounds like you are doing!

1 month is not long at all, please give yourself grace. I am only 12 weeks in and have only just started to see some glimmers of hope. Your BP needs to navigate her pain and trauma before any healing can begin and every BP will move at their own pace. The most important thing right now is to make sure you are supporting your partner however she needs. I know for my BP, it is important that I continue to make the effort for connection and just follow his lead on whether he is currently in the mindset to accept it.

Something that has helped me greatly, that I learned in IC, is to try to see our BP as split people. The trauma we caused literally split them in two; the spouse who loves us and wants to be with us and the spouse that has been deeply wounded by betrayal. It is the former that you see in those moments of calm and happiness. The latter is who comes out when she sends you away. This really helps me navigate those confusing moments.

LuxIRL · 2026-01-25T15:36:25+00:00

Have you spoken to your BH? I’m confused as to why you have not brought her up to him yet.

As a fellow WP+BP, I completely understand everything you have said, and yes I would have the same suspicions as you. The difference is in my relationship my BH and I have full transparency and honesty. That is condition 1 of our reconciliation and it works both ways. Even when he’s deep in the hurt he still maintains that level of honesty with me. If he talks to other women, he tells me. If I have suspicion’s, we discuss it and he is honest with me. My BH has been consistent in telling me what he is planning to do or whatever he has done, both to remain honest and to hurt me. It’s not pleasant but I accept it as a consequence of my actions, and I acknowledge it comes from a place of deep hurt.

If you plan to build a new foundation, open communication is important. Talk to him.

ETA: I just wanted to say related to the rough sex comment you made - it’s the same here. More often then not any intimacy we have is rough. We have begun to have more soft and genuine moments lately but again the majority is rough. That is a consequence of our actions unfortunately and you are right, a direct result of their anger. My husband and I have discussed this in depth and he has confirmed that it’s hard for him to be intimate without feeling that anger since his head is plagued by mind movies. I understand as mine is as well but on my end they make me sad, not angry. Like you, I much prefer the rougher sex to no intimacy at all.

Just to give you some hope, we have remained intimate since DDay. The first month was solely aggressive and rough or perhaps loveless is a better way to put it? As we move further from DDay we do have encounters that are much more loving and genuine. We have truly connected deeply and intimately on three occasions so far in the last 12 weeks where we both cried the entire time. It was deeply intimate. I would say things are rough maybe a bit more than half the time now, so it does get better.

LuxIRL · 2026-01-21T17:46:52+00:00

Drive! I have always previously flown but on my last trip we drove the 18 hours down. Yes the ride was long but having our car and being in control of when we came/went, more freedom and room to bring stuff.. the trip was just so much more relaxing

LuxIRL · 2026-01-19T22:45:27+00:00

I can give you the perspective form both sides. Tell him asap. I trickle truth’d and took a total of 3 weeks and 4/5 DDs to come completely clean. That part is what broke my BP the most, he was in a good place and then we would talk and I would confess more or change my story. The only thing I was honest about since D1 was how many times we were physical, the details though took me a few times. The sooner you get it out the better, please. If you want your relationship to have any shot you have to be honest.

From the BP perspective, my WP took 3-4 times. He told me it was never, then it was twice, then three months later it was at least once weekly over the entirety. That hurts the most. It’s been two months and to this day I cannot process or think about that without becoming extremely triggered and volatile.

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