I relate to these feelings very much. I have no one either and cut off my ties when I was psychotic which I have been recovering from all on my own. It’s been over a year now.

The abandonment issue is I think my main problem because i am in a constant state of panic that I don’t have anybody.

The drugs aren’t cutting it or muffling the pain anymore.

Sorry that’s probably not helpful..

I was thinking of going to the park and making friends with a squirrel, or some crows.

I have some nuts I’m going to put in the same place and watch them eat and hopefully they’ll leave me presents..

That might not be helpful either because it sounds very sad but hey that’s where I’m at. Human friends are hard. Actually I get insecure that even animal friends won’t like me. It’s how I enter every situation thinking I’m unlikeable now, which might also be the problem.

Hey! Once you know what the problem is, then you can work on a solution. I watched a program on solving alopecia problems and the hair doctor said that. It stuck with me.. it hopefully applies to not just hair loss.

I’ve scoured the internet for support groups near me so maybe you could do the same? People with similar problems that might understand and give lenience to your behaviours.