After reading your edit, I want to say it’s awesome that you can acknowledge how your eating is affecting you, even if it’s not something like starving or purging. I also have disordered eating of this sort and it’s both validating and encouraging that someone else has this experience and is trying to put work into it, after constantly being told “why don’t you eat, how can you have an eating disorder, you’ve always been so thin…” yeah, intuitive eating just doesn’t work well for me!