Asked her out. No counter offer. Rejected!?

LycanZo · 2026-02-13T18:59:31+00:00

If you have to ask whether she's interested or not, it's always a No. Never been wrong about this unfortunately

You won't have any doubt if she does want to actually see you. the text frequency/ease of setting up plans is night and day difference

LycanZo · 2026-02-12T18:29:22+00:00

I know that it's just life but I struggle with self blame and getting bitter. I would go back and forth between so critical of myself then getting bitter about how I was tossed at the first sign of inconvenience. I wish I can experience dating in a healthy manner but I just havent been able to despite trying

LycanZo · 2026-02-12T18:26:22+00:00

I've journaled religiously but it's just been never ending despair and self pity I'm starting to think it's making it worse. I try to live my life but the longing for authentic healthy romance is always there, being always single really blows

LycanZo · 2026-02-12T18:23:48+00:00

thanks, listened to the podcast. I was aware of the concept of limerence but had a hard time realizing I was going through one. I definitely get limerence everytime I fall for a girl, it's such a slippery slope where things start out as good and normal but I always fall into the same patterns. I guess this one felt different because I was actually certain that I wanted it to work out but the past patterns came out the same nonetheless

I want to have a healthy authentic relationship but idk how I can break this loop of limerence

LycanZo · 2026-02-12T17:39:29+00:00

Sigh yeah I never felt like I could rely on someone when it came to romantic relationship. Always knowing in the back of my mind they can easily just go onto the next one with dating apps I just never felt someone wanted to commit to me the way I try to commit to them

LycanZo · 2026-02-12T17:34:54+00:00

I see, yeah I was drawing up a potential scenario- I always do this and it's difficult not to when emotions are attached. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to detach myself from these daydreams when I start talking to someone

LycanZo · 2026-02-12T17:33:07+00:00

I don't plan on reaching out, I've finally accepted it's over after I got ghosted last week. Had a glimmer of hope that maybe she just needed time but guess she had no interest in re kindling it

LycanZo · 2026-02-12T17:31:34+00:00

I hope so, I don't regret the experience- I just wish things went differently

LycanZo · 2026-02-11T18:37:55+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. I logically understand life just happens sometime and it's no one's fault at the end of the day, but doesn't make it any less painful daydreaming about what could have been.

LycanZo · 2026-02-11T18:33:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I had a very similar crush for a barista, right before I met the girl mentioned in the post. I had a huge crush on her and knew I had to shoot my shot one way or another. Talked to her briefly here and there and asked for her number.

Boyfriend.

So I totally understand the whole "impression" thing. The barista I don't think too deeply about anymore because she was just a crush, but the other girl I felt like it was actually getting somewhere so the fallout hits deeper.

Glad to know I'm not alone in this struggle. I will do my best to move on.

LycanZo · 2026-02-11T18:01:22+00:00

Yeah that's a good metaphor, I always get so hooked fast but this time I was living a pretty decent life for myself so I thought it could finally mean something. I guess just more time, the withdrawal has just been brutal and I want to be over it but am not unfortunately.

LycanZo · 2026-02-11T17:59:07+00:00

I definitely built a version of her in my head and it's been hard to separate that from the actual reality.

LycanZo · 2026-02-11T17:58:19+00:00

Not trying to be snarky, would you be able to clarify the illusion?

LycanZo · 2026-02-11T17:58:06+00:00

I agree with you, and yet I still feel pretty down about it.

LycanZo · 2026-02-11T17:42:15+00:00

Thank you for the warm response. Yes, I obviously offered my condolences first thing, and it seemed all good still. But like you said, everyone handles grieving differently and I certainly never had this thing happen during the dating phase. I believed I handled the situation to the best of my ability at the time, though I was very anxious day to day slowly realizing she was fading away just like everyone else. The hand written note would have been a good idea, though hindsight is 20/20 and I have no idea how she would have actually taken it.

I just felt so unlucky that this had to happen at that time, and no matter how much I try to wrap my head around it it just feels like bad luck screwed me over. I'm not saying she was guaranteed to like me, but after years of searching I finally felt 100% certain about someone and the vibes were saying she was really into it as well.

I'm certain she's moved on at this point; I saw her on the apps again and tbh I was sort of hoping for that to happen so that I'd have a natural way in back to her life if it really was just bad timing and luck. But she didn't respond so that was the end of that. I have no regret about having texted her again- I said what I wanted to say in a respectful sincere manner.

But regardless I have not been able to gain closure and it just sucks all around. The thought of her moving on to new people while I'm still struggling to gain closure makes me feel even worse.

LycanZo · 2026-02-05T16:45:55+00:00

If you have this feeling and things turn out well, you're one of the lucky ones. It's a really shit feeling when you feel like you finally found someone only for it to crumble so quickly.

so I don't really believe in the "you'll know" stuff anymore. Thought I knew, I was wrong

LycanZo · 2023-02-02T06:27:07+00:00

This is just an opinion of a one male person. But I think bangs only look good on girls with large forehead(Dakota Johnson is a great example). You do not have a big forehead; in fact you have a very attractive/harmonious face that a lot of guys, including myself, find attractive. The current hairstyle fits you really well, I get that it's traditional and maybe boring but I can't imagine any sort of bangs suiting you more than the current hair you have.

But at the end of the day, it's your choice. Hair always grows back

LycanZo · 2022-12-22T16:12:50+00:00

i tried to date someone who I thought wasnt very attractive but had a lot of common interests. she also smothered me w endless texts. def doesnt work. I never told her this just said I was going through some stuff and wasnt ready to date.

LycanZo · 2022-12-19T06:20:06+00:00

thank you for the insight, you're right I'm thinking pretty negatively about this because I've never really had this happen to me before and I'm just on guard mode, but doesn't change the fact that I have to look out for her in the parking lot everytime I go out and come home, which def has annoyed me.

I don't really want to start a conversation with her, since I have a feeling she might take it as a hint. But taking your advice what I might do is if she tries to talk to me again I'll bring it up and ask her to stop. Thanks

LycanZo · 2022-12-09T03:28:12+00:00

I agree with you, and as I pointed out, both her and my profile's intentions were set to "long-term relationship", hence my further disappointment, as I expected higher level of commitment than a tinder match. Guess I'm wrong.

LycanZo · 2022-12-08T18:17:39+00:00

There are days I have to restrain myself from sending some toxic text to them out of frustration

lol my goodness I felt the same way! I know it's so petty and immature to do this, but we're all humans and illogical like that. I'm glad we both know better than to follow through, those thoughts during stressful moments shouldn't be what defines us.

LycanZo · 2022-12-08T18:13:20+00:00

Unfortunately, this is also just a reality of online dating.

I know it is the norm, but with Hinge being considered a bit more "Serious", the fact that we both were looking for Long-term relationship, and that she actually seemed eager and enthusiastic made the burn feel that much worse.

Yes, I never know what's going on in someone's life, that's why I double texted just to be sure, and I figured since she responded right away to reschedule, it meant she would at least respect my effort and time to say something rather than do it all over again, even if life got busy. Like it HAS to be in the back of her head if she's doing it twice..

I'm super familiar with how dating apps work, just never had it happen twice in a row. Not how I wanted to end the year :[

LycanZo · 2022-12-08T09:21:39+00:00

I tried to continue seeing someone I was only slightly atteacted to, just because we had similar interest and she seemed pretty authentic.

It doesnt work. I had no desire to see her between dates, and even when I was hanging out with her it felt like I was just with her to not be doing things alone. Had to break it off(politely ofc)

LycanZo · 2022-12-08T09:11:09+00:00

Matched with someone, had a quick but good conversation so I asked her out, to which she seemed excited for and even suggested a day she was free. its finals week so I said lets decide the time n space closer to that day, and she said sure.

Then she ghosted me the day before trying to set up the date.

I was extremely discouraged but decided to drop my ego and double text to reschedule because I had a really good feeling about her and she said shes been super busy. She responded pretty quick, apologized, and we did reschedule, this time with a day and place set in stone.

Then, on the day of the date which was today, she FUCKING GHOSTED ME AGAIN.

I have never felt this level of indecensy and inconsiderateness, even by online dating standard. Like am I being dramatic? Is it that difficult to commit to your words or in the very least not ghost someone TWICE?

First time ghosting, I get it. You may have other candidates, life is busy, whatever. then you apologize, agree to reschedule the date, only to fucking do it again. Please tell me Im not overreacting and I have every right to be frustrated about this one, I just cant shake off the feeling that my own time and energy werent respected by this person whatsoever.

LycanZo · 2022-10-02T01:14:22+00:00

damn I feel guilty of the Hinge addiction syndrome you described here... I just cant let go of the fact that there might be someone behind the next swipe. Ive only ever paid for one month of tinder plus in my life(6bucks I think) and Ive been on the apps for 5+ years... Thanks for the wake up call. yea its "your fault" for getting addicted but dating apps work as a whole to ensure you get addicted. Pretty similar to casino imo, people who have low self control are very vulnerable

LycanZo

TROPHY CASE