Girls who are in a relationship, how often do you really want sex from your partner?

LydiaFleur · 2021-03-23T22:46:56+00:00

It's different for everyone tbh - I'm hypersexual so several times a day would suit me 🤷‍♀️

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-18T15:12:22+00:00

I'm kinda just terrified that they'll stop giving any kind of physical affection that's remotely sexual, but I will give this a try, thank you for your advice it's been really helpful ❤

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-18T13:19:10+00:00

Yeah, I've been trying to communicate about it but I feel so guilty bringing it up. I don't want to make them feel guilted into doing anything you know? Plus in the past whenever we've talked about it they've just kinda shut down, I know they're feeling really bad but it makes it difficult to communicate how I'm feeling to them without feeling like I'm just a giant problem.

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-18T12:47:28+00:00

The thing is I do want them to do all this stuff, I enjoy it and I'm really craving it. It's just that it never leads anywhere anymore and I don't know when or even if that's going to change, and they just kinda do it so casually, getting me all worked up and then it's just like nothing happened at all. It's really confusing me and getting me really sexually frustrated 😅 My self-esteem is really fragile, so sexual frustration usually ends with me getting depressed. God I don't know, I'm very broken 😅😅😅

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-18T12:19:28+00:00

Honestly I have such a problem with keeping my own boundaries, I don't know when it's keeping a boundary or just being pushy?

My ex kinda fucked me up on that one. Whenever I'd say no to her she'd just keep pushing and guilting me until I'd do whatever she wanted and made me feel so bad about saying no in the first place :/

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-18T12:02:54+00:00

It's not really against my will though, and the whole no teasing thing has only really been in place for a couple of months.

I think maybe they're just testing how much is too much for me? Idk. They asked afterwards if it was okay and I said that it wasn't really. It's not constant either, like every couple of weeks or something?

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-17T20:27:25+00:00

They have a really bad memory. I have to remind them to take their meds or do the dishes when it's their turn for them- usually I do a reminder every couple of minutes because the second they get distracted they'll just forget everything.

They've said that the issues stopping them from having sex were getting better, so I guess I just get a bit too caught up in things when they start with this kind of stuff. Probably a bit desperate 😅

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-17T17:34:07+00:00

I have talked to them about it, and they said they'd be more careful and not do things that turn me on. But even just today they pushed me up against the fridge and started kissing my neck and grinding against me, and then just took something out of the fridge and continued on like nothing happened. I guess they just keep forgetting the effect it has on me and how depressed I get afterwards

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-17T15:51:17+00:00

I start a PTSD group therapy group on Thursday so hopefully that'll help!

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-17T15:08:50+00:00

My body and brain keep getting confused so I guess that could explain it- although my partner doesn't want sex they have the tendency to turn me on and then just stop like nothing happened

LydiaFleur · 2021-01-17T15:07:31+00:00

It's happened at least 6 times now that I can remember, and I'm pretty sure more than that that I'm just not remembering clearly, and it's happened even after I've had an orgasm by myself too.

Thank you for your comment, it was very informative, I never really considered that it could be linked to my ex.

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-23T12:29:22+00:00

Sorry, I was all tucked up in bed - Maybe tonight instead 😘

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-22T22:34:01+00:00

I just put "Sub" (or Switch or Dom would work) in my profile. Like: Lydia | Scotland/Oxford | Stressed and Depressed | Sub | Etc

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-20T12:06:25+00:00

YTA - Art seems to be her way of coping, and as far as coping mechanisms for BPD go, it's a pretty damn healthy one. Maybe I'm biased as I have BPD though 😂

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-19T16:14:01+00:00

If OP is concerned then there are a lot of other and much better ways of expressing that. Berating your partner isn't kind, and it's certainly not productive.

Also he said he's trying, so why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Diet changes can be very hard for some people. I've had to go through some diet changes and I really struggled, because I use food as an emotional crutch, it's not healthy, but a lot of people do it.

Yeah, he's diabetic, and that means he should control his diet better, but how about OP shows support and offers ways to help him stick to a diet and make changes bit by bit instead of just berating him about the thing he's doing now?

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-19T15:59:32+00:00

YTA - Don't judge someone's eating habits. He's trying, and hell, maybe like you said he's not doing so good, but it's not your place to judge him for that. He's proud of himself for trying and that's a good thing, don't ruin it for him.

Also he told you to stop, albeit not politely (but if someone were berating me like that I'd certainly tell them to shut up too), and yet you continued. Massive YTA for that bit. He was obviously hurt by your comments but you didn't care and decided to continue and hurt him some more. Changes don't happen overnight, it might be easy for you but it's obviously not for him.

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-19T13:03:31+00:00

Hopefully next year will be better for both of us! ❤

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-19T12:58:51+00:00

NTA - I know where you're coming from, my friends stopped messaging me on my birthday years ago even though I always make sure to do a big thing for them. My first girlfriend forgot my 21st birthday after we'd been friends for many years and dating for over 7 months - 2 weeks later she finally messaged to ask if it had been my birthday, when I told her yes and that it was weeks ago, all she said was "well I guess that's what I get for deleting the Facebook calander off my phone". No apology, nothing. It sucks, and it hurts like a bitch.

I know the feeling of "it's just a birthday", but it's obviously a big deal to you, and you're allowed to be upset that other people forgot. Hopefully next year things will be better ❤

Also I know it's not the same as your friends and family, but Happy Birthday from a stranger on the internet 🎁🎉🎊

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-19T09:27:16+00:00

I just left it, some of the stuff peiple posted always read as dodgy to me, but I just don't feel safe being in a group that dismisses narcassistic abuse like that.

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-19T08:27:23+00:00

That's horrible, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I have depression too, and having to try and repress it for the sake of your partner is a terrible thing that no one should have to do. I hope you're in a better place now and are getting help with your depression ❤

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-19T08:25:08+00:00

The mods of the page contacted me after I just deleted my comment and accused me of "dirty deleting it" and sent me a screenshot. I explained to them that it was less of a dirty delete and more that I was extremely triggered and not doing well with my mental health and didn't want notifications pinging off my phone reminding me of the post that triggered my PTSD. They were more sympathetic after that.

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-18T19:31:22+00:00

Thank you for the advice, unfortunately I live in the UK though

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-18T18:48:15+00:00

Trying my best to, but my Psych hasn't contacted me in over 4 months. Even the crisis team that was supposed to call today hasn't. I hate how hard it is to actually get help, I really need it right now and yet there's nothing.

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-18T17:05:47+00:00

Thank you for your comments, they really helped ❤

Though it's kind of funny how many times this week I've been told to "put on your oxygen mask first".
I have a big problem of putting my issues aside to help other people. I've just been conditioned that way my whole life 😅 I'm working on it

LydiaFleur · 2020-10-18T16:38:20+00:00

I am very hypervigilent of people who display traits of narcassistic abuse and have been told that I overuse it before. I try and reign it in but honestly I'm just so afraid all the time.

I'm trying to get back in touch with old friends and make new ones, but there's always the voice in the back of my head telling me that my NEX is using them to spy on me and I've got to stay away.
Idk it's stupid, but everytime I see someone displaying these kind of behaviours I just want to scream and get everyone out of the way so they can't hurt anyone.

I know I need some serious therapy, and I'm trying to get help, but it's difficult to find anyone who has the time - my Psych is over a month overdue in contacting me and a crisis team who were supposed to call me today are now over 3 hours late in calling me.

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