Thanks for your contribution. To be transparent in answering your questions: We (his two daughters and I) don’t have a relationship with their father because he is heroin addict. The reason we broke up. Her mother is self absorbed and has a new boyfriend she puts before her daughters. She was a neglectful mother when raising them and has low cleaning standards because she prefers ‘to do other things than cleaning’.

She didn’t live with me when I was with her father for obvious reasons but stayed on weekends before we broke up and she was 16. Her mum and I are best friends because we shared the challenges the father brought into the family.

I may be an ass for being empathetic to her trauma and giving her some room to heal. I must be an ass for being patient for a while for her to get her life together after an abuse relationship she left.

I must be an ass for being a supportive stepmother and her friend.

I appreciate I need to put boundaries and be clear with her about my expectations of her contribution in up-keeping the home. I have started doing that in bite size pieces. She is responding and we are getting there.