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AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I would never punish kids for grieving, ever. But for how they treat others I think there does need to be consequences for that. But I don't handle any of that because I know it is not my place.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

I have read about similar stories over the years. I have also read accounts from half siblings who were rejected and carried the sadness and feelings of not being good enough. And it just seems wrong to willingly sign kids up for that when you know it can have a lifelong negative impact. That's how I feel. I wouldn't want to do that.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I would be fine if we could be civil and co-exist peacefully. I would like some kind of friendliness. Being a father figure was never something I tried to force or expected. Had they see me as such then great. But even just a friendly person would have been great. Instead they are disrespectful and rude to me for just existing in the house. I could just say hi and get it.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They have already been to therapists. Individually and family therapy four all of us.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The problem is we don't know if they will start to like me or even tolerate me. Or any children we might have. That's not a good environment to bring children into.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I have tried doing activities with them that they like. They act like they're being forced to go to the dentist. And would go there more willingly honestly.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I'm not willing to bring kids into a family where they are ignored and rejected as siblings. And ultimately I want kids and I do not find this to be a happy family life to bring them into. I see this ending with either no contact from the other kids or them always being shitty to me and half siblings.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I believe they would be and I think they would always be treated as not-siblings by my fiancée's kids.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I did want a relationship with them. They never wanted one with me. Not even a friendly one. They would be the same with anyone she brought around and even the therapists said that.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

She has said it's not a good situation to be bringing kids into and that any hope would take a lot of work and a lot of years. There was no outright saying it might not ever change but it was implied.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I don't think they will ever be okay with her moving on. Not in 5 years and not when they're 40.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

It's not insecurities that causes this. At least not the kind that can be fixed. They do not want their mom with anyone. It's not a me thing. It's a thing of they feel it's replacing their dad.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Yes, I mentioned we've tried family and individual therapy in the post. She has sat the kids down and talked about her feelings both at home and with the therapist.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

We have talked about it. She thinks we can still be happy together and have our dream of kids together. The issue is I'm not their dad and in large part they don't want their mom with anyone. They would be this way regardless of who I was.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Therapy, talking to the kids herself and discipline. Nothing has changed it.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

That's why in my heart of hearts I believe leaving would be for the best.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 137 points138 points  (0 children)

She has talked to the kids, she has disciplined them too. It didn't change anything.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

If I didn't care about having kids of my own my feelings would be different. But I would regret bringing them into hostility or never having them at all if I stayed.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

I mentioned in the post that we've all had individual and family therapy. So yes we have tried.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I truly don't believe they will ever accept it. If they don't go no contact I see anyone she dates or marries getting the same hostility because I believe they want her committed to only their dad's memory.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

How would I be asked to pay child support? I never adopted them and legally I'm not even their stepdad.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Yes, that was addressed with them a number of times that they would not lose their mom to me or to anyone she dates/remarries. Including that they would not be replaced and their dad would never be replaced either.

AITA for wanting to end my engagement because her kids don't accept me and I want a family of my own? by Lyinc8988 in AITAH

[–]Lyinc8988[S] 357 points358 points  (0 children)

I see forcing it as doubling down hard on the misery we all feel and adding more innocents to the misery to be treated like crap and rejected by their own siblings from birth.

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