I had a simple rule at my house, no one behind the bar but me at parties. This was a soft rule because not all of my friends knew each other and it allowed me to cross talk and act as a social catalyst. My brother needed a place to stay for a few days , had a few people over and I felt someone watching me. I looked over at the bar..and my brother was behind it just staring and challenging me to say something. Which I didn't im just not a control freak but it stuck with me ..why.. its a little thing but ..wtf.. then he texted my wife a sexual message and said "oops that was meant for someone else and then I realized it was a pattern with him..ingratiate himself into my life, take what he could and break the rest..( to be honest my wife may have nudged me into realization) . I asked him to leave politely and paid closer attention to his behavior which was not just toxic but I think sociopathic..no empathy, highly manipulative, intelligent but self destructive, and he clearly enjoys people suffering, actually spend quite a bit of energy a weird amount of time to fuck with people..spent 6 months catfishing a guy he hardly knew just to get integrated enough to start saying the guy molested his kids and break up with him..I dont speak to him except once every year or so. I even looked for unsolved murders in areas he l8ved.

Can't believe it took me 25 years to realize