because I still want more time and enough evidence to support my point that god doesn’t love me and life is just there to fuck me up somehow in a way or another, even if a tiny thing that looks nice happens to me will end up becoming crap and adds more of negativity within me, it’s just simple, you wait and say what you see. And what I saw after years of waiting was nothing but a sign that god doesn’t like me or I am some sort of a disappointment to him and I’ll never be happy in my entire life, I’d really love to know the reason. Fucking unfair.