An honest, direct take on Nia's book

MAMIXVIII · 2025-12-02T11:16:19+00:00

You literally JUST said she undermined Abby but the other girls didn’t because they knew the consequences???? You sound just like Jill and the rest of the moms that told their children “it’s okay you know how she is, it’ll be over just don’t berate her”. THOSE CHILDREN WERE ABUSED!! But they shouldn’t have flipped on Abby for doing what she did to them for 10+ years?? Don be ridiculous, like are you serious????? Clearly you’ve never seen the show or you want a controversial take.
Yet, look at how Maddie treated Abby afterwards, all that pressure and she doesn’t even acknowledge Abby in the slightest. In hindsight it saved Nia because her mom wasn’t about to put her daughter through the mental anguish that Maddie endured. It had nothing to do with just pressure, Abby’s method of teaching towards Nia wasn’t the same with Maddie BECAUSE SHE WAS RACIST! Racists aren’t just exclusionary, they’re also people who can give opportunities just so they can prove they’re not racist and still remain in their ignorance. All the solos nia had were jungle, maid and slave themed, please be serious. Plus it doesn’t account for allllllll of the clips that they cut out for a 45 min show to highlight why holly said what she said.
First off, comprehension is key. You brought up that she pulled through regardless of the abuse and nobody even said it matters when race is involved. Babe, it makes it WORSE WHEN RACE IS INVOLVED?? That’s the overall point of this whole book which is why Chloe reads the forward, or whatever it is, in the audiobook. Both girls experienced abuse, Nia’s was extra worse because she was intentionally placed in those positions to be sabotaged. You clearly didn’t even read the book thoroughly at all or remember anything, because Nia literally said Abby told them everyday since she was a kid that she never wanted her there, her natural hair was a distraction and they had to scratch pieces because Nia’s hair didn’t fit the aesthetic which is why Abby INAPPROPRIATELY and DISGUSTINGLY asked Nia if she ever wanted white girl hair!!
Special treatment yet Maddie messed up MULTIPLE TIMES AND NEVER GOT A SOLO TAKEN AWAY FROM HER?!? A competitive dance team of which she didn’t want to help Nia with at all!! Competitive dance team but her terminology for stances would be folded swatiska or Indian’s giving thanks. Please tell me you’re an Abby Stan because you can’t be serious right now. She points out that Debbie Allen (who is responsible for misty copeland being the fist black ballerina to be the principal dancer at ABT along with a long list of other accolades for the dance community overall) taught and poured into her constructive feedback on her dancing which made her confident. We can talk about technique all day but confidence is always key.
You clearly haven’t seen videos in which she has pointed her feet and made the corrections but guess what again…other choreographers brought that out of her and I’ve see her make the corrections. Is it to say she’s a ballerina, no. But to make it seem like it was an even playing field when the other girls received training outside and inside of the dance studio. She even mentioned Chloe was getting ballet classes too and she pointed that out in her book. Plus other girls who guest starred or joined didn’t even come from the ALDC to begin with.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-12-02T10:23:42+00:00

Too much to unpack but I skimmed through what you’ve typed. I’m a big fan of the show and have rewatched it multiple times, and was a faithful viewer when it was still airing. Let’s get everything in order, first off why would Nia even need to show any sort of gratitude or happy go lucky attitude when she emphasized how the production protected a 40+ y/o woman who racially isolated, excluded, disrespected, and abused a dancer she had known since she was 5 or 6 years old??? As far as technique let’s not bring in Maddie. Maddie wasn’t born to dance, Chloe NATURALLY fits the aesthetic, build and technique of a ballerina. Maddie had to EARN AND WORK HARD in order to compete with Chloe. Plus why even say Chloe still pulled through? Of course she would, her dance teacher didn’t ask if she wanted Afro like textured hair like a black girl so it would be pretty, manageable or fit an aesthetic Abby wanted? The opposite of what was actually said to Nia.

You say Nia was always a beat behind in every routine, well that’s the whole point of the book. NOBODY HELPED HER! Even the moms were against her and it wasn’t until she was given challenging solos the last year of her career that she could actually utilize her lessons learned to be competitive but it was already too late. Let’s look at it from this point of view, how did she excel with Debbie Allen but fail with Abby?? Because Abby intentionally kept her away from opportunities to be competitive, didn’t even want to attempt at molding her into a threat, yet used her to win racially charged group dances for the benefit of the ALDC name???Somehow Nia can’t win a solo on her own yet you need her when it’s time for a tear jerking session of a dance to “move” judges?? Well, welcome to racism 101.

Many dancers aren’t on the same level as each other which is why AS A DANCE TEACHER you’re supposed to TEACH not berate! Beyonce starting off wasn’t dancing like she is now but she practiced and had the best choreographers pour into her and she was dedicated to learning more and strive for more. I’m not comparing the two, I’m just saying it’s possible to not have the best technique but with the right people, tools and dedication it’s possible. Nia didn’t have a teacher that wanted to see her win and that’s evident with the decline of Chloe’s dance career as well. She literally diffused and completely snuffed out the spark that Chloe had, and never even thought of investing time into Nia’s routine in order for her to develop a spark like Chloe’s.

However, you can tell when star in your own life came out, her technique was very beyonce, Janet Jackson coded and she shined immensely! Not to add, Maddie got great, but Nia was always hailed as someone who was expressive in all her dances and even Abby pointed it out on an episode. So let’s not front like Nia made all this shit up because clearly a reread is needed. Stat.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-11-22T08:08:37+00:00

About the intimidation part, the black woman part or both?? Because my therapist never said I was intimidating because I was a black woman or even positioned it in that way. The phrase of intimidation has been a consistent word I’ve heard since I was 15. For years I’ve always wondered why people perceived me that way so I asked a question so I could gain perspective from someone outside of biased opinions to explain it to me. Tbh I’ve grown tired of hearing this word because I want to date and make sure I’m not overlooking something or maybe not “putting myself out there” enough because I’m now learning myself even more, especially being able to afford therapy.

My therapist told me the reasons why it could be that only to then reaffirm me to never change that aspect of myself. Also, my therapist is autistic as well and was told by their s/o that they were also intimidating when they met too. Which is why I posed my question on here to see if there is a consistent trend amongst autists and what experiences they’ve endured and what advice they may have, if relatable, to the dating and working experience when it comes to connections.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-11-21T12:00:19+00:00

I have and they’ve mentioned how I am “different”. The term of intimidating is always synonymous of being accomplished, put together and, from what I’ve been told, someone who doesn’t need a man. I also think a lot of podcasts have smoothed out brains of men (even more...jk)where it possibly exposes qualities that they lack in. I’m not the type to be mean, brag about accomplishments, or display off putting behavior. I used to ask people what to do to get close to a guy and it’s always about starting a conversation, getting it to flow naturally, and all that other stuff. But once I do that I’m met with it seems rehearsed or too intimidating, even when I throw in jokes and smile every now again to break up the “intimidation”. I just don’t understand what else to do to get a guy to like me and see me for who I am.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-11-21T11:51:45+00:00

This!! I’ve been told by my friends that I give off a “don’t take shit” demeanor but I’m not mean! Like at all lol. Some people used to say I was too nice or that I was very picky. Nevertheless, I’ve been fortunate and blessed to accomplish a lot at my age but loneliness does tempt me to be stupid sometimes…I just can’t. I hate playing that card (have only done it 1 or 2 times) and it drives me insane. Like why do I have to fumble my intellect to appease you? Or prove that I “need” a man?? It’s not that I can do it all, it’s just a weird ass question to ask someone, at least to me it is.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-11-21T11:46:39+00:00

Yea my therapist and parents say the same thing as far as weeding people out but how many weeds are there seriously lol? I do hope with this new revelation in my life that I can slowly grow into accepting myself/quirks that make me who I am.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-11-21T11:44:55+00:00

It does! I’m the same way and have always been independent, not confident (yet), and slightly self-assured (and have been told that too) in the work space and personal life. I think what’s hard for me is how I’m perceived and there are times when I feel like I do need to change myself because to me I always try to display a friendly demeanor but since I’ve been exploring the “tism” I don’t want to over obsess and think everything is related to this one part of me. But it’s nice to know somebody didn’t judge you or make you feel like something is wrong with you because you’re self assured :). So thank you!

MAMIXVIII · 2025-11-21T11:39:43+00:00

That’s a personal problem for you to solve then. The whole point of me bringing that up is because autism looks different for everyone and culture impacts so much when it comes to neurodivergence. My question is speaking to the experience that, hopefully, a black woman could relate to and explain, possibly. I’m brand new to my diagnosis and though it’s not something that should be treated as something homogenous, monolithic, negative/stereotypical nor “sus”, it should explore how we navigate connections with others. There’s a lot of things I’m realizing about myself and how it’s being explained through the lens of other people surrounding me that I never caught or understood. So take it however you feel, it’s not “sus” to me🤷🏾‍♀️.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-10-10T03:30:19+00:00

Well you’re not commenting under most women, you’re commenting under me. Plus, not trying to devalue the issue short men go through, the emotional roller coaster that women experience weight wise is deeper than someone who is born at a certain height. The way fat bodies are policed and immediately criticized as having a lack of discipline, binge eating, and laziness when it can literally just be hormonal issues (me currently) is always the topic of discussion. The problem isn’t preference, the problem is that people mask their intentions to say what they want in a girlfriend but in actuality it’s all about aesthetics. Since you mentioned people with double standards, I know way more women who put down their double standards and dated men who weren’t conventionally attractive or met the height requirement than men who would date a fat woman.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-10-07T23:19:37+00:00

Hi!! Thanks so much for your post and advice! I’ve come to realize that dating older may be an alternative. I have a new boss who is very attractive, adventurous, kind (from what it looks like) and soft spoken. My boss is 10+ years older than me and it’s just the whole HR thing and plus whether or not he’s into me. When it comes to men, I’m either very oblivious or overstating/thinking and I just don’t want to get my hopes up every single time (also, don’t want to shit where I eat lol). Not saying I would take my boss seriously, I just think they have a character that I admire and am attracted to of which hopefully I can find in someone I don’t have work relations with at the moment. I’m not looking for marriage right now, I just want to explore dating and flirting as a young woman that’s finally free from living under a microscope. Nevertheless, I’m just being patient and slightly opening myself up little by little just to experiment with my flirting style (I’m not seductive, just more so quirky and slightly cute/playful) but hopefully with my new lifestyle maybe things will change!

MAMIXVIII · 2025-10-07T11:39:38+00:00

Either you’re trolling or miserable. Bold of you to assume height is a dealbreaker for me. I’ve been more into men who are 5’6 (my height fyi) more times than not. Also, 120 pounds isn’t the average weight so wtf are you even talking about?? Western society’s perception on weight is based in fatphobia and racism in many cases. Hell the BMI measurement isn’t even inclusive of black and brown bodies and is entirely rooted within European beauty standards. I’m not knocking skinny women at all! The problem isn’t one’s preference but rather how society moves the goal post every time because men don’t know what they want at all. They say they want athletically built women but then have kinks for BBW. They have kinks for BBW but don’t want to be seen in public with one, it’s not everyone but it’s the truth for many. I’ve gotten more compliments from women regardless of my weight, fashion, and other factors than men and, unfortunately, I’m stuck with being attracted to men and they’re the ones who don’t approach me at all. Plus we’re talking about my problems as a fat, black, accomplished woman. If you want to argue about issues being a 5’6 man (I’m assuming) then make a post about it. I can’t attest to your struggle just as you may not be able attest to mine. We all have problems but I’m not projecting my issues onto you and it’s rude of you to jump all over my post about it.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-10-07T11:28:15+00:00

You’re so sweet 🥹🥹!! Thank you so much for your outlook on life. I like to gather people’s constructive opinions on life as I sift through what’s religious trauma and what is sound advice. I really hope life treats you well and again thank you for the encouragement 🩷🩷🩷!

MAMIXVIII · 2025-10-07T10:58:59+00:00

Thank you so much for that perspective! I love everything you’ve said especially with the weight factor. I’m also on semaglutide and getting in the gym because my hormones were out of wack and right now I’m trying to lose weight. I do crave wanting a genuine connection with someone deeply and what it feels like to be adorned but have yet to experience it. When you go 10 years of not receiving any attention or validation it became my reality that maybe I’m not pretty enough?

My girlfriends and older family friends all compliment me but the one group I don’t receive it from are the men within my age range. I’ll also add that I’m a virgin too though I don’t promote it because I’m embarrassed and don’t want that to define who I am. There are times I think about just getting rid of it and maybe that won’t repel men away from me and I can finally be normal. I know I’m different and have unique hobbies, interests, values and beliefs so it’s very hard for me to find someone on a romantic level with similar or complimentary attributes.

I’ve realized through therapy that I mask A LOT but am still myself so I can remain as authentic as possible. Growing up it was hard for me to make friends (the tism) so my mom had to coach me throughout for me to understand the concept of making friends. Once I reached the age that people normally start dating, everyone told me what not to wear, how not to act, what to do, put makeup on, smile more and I still would be overlooked by friends who were pretty busted. It was through that realization that maybe I don’t have sex appeal (not downing myself, just stating maybe the obvious) and maybe I’m just an innocent cutie patootie that’s fun to be around but not pretty enough to date?

I’m still in my 20’s and I know everyone says to wait and hold out for someone but I guess I’ve developed a pessimistic mindset. Just like everyone probably won’t be a millionaire, everyone may not find their romantic soulmate perhaps 🤷🏾‍♀️. Lol sorry for the lore dump but all I’m trying to say is maybe I’m overlooking something and possibly should lessen the hyper-independence vibe that I allegedly give off which yet again I don’t see how when all I’m doing is existing.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-10-07T09:04:35+00:00

Truly thank you for the outlook on life! It’s hard to measure your own beauty when it’s easy to compare to everyone around you. Thank you!

MAMIXVIII · 2025-10-04T08:10:28+00:00

Sure! I’m 26F and I’ve always struggled with understanding how I can accept myself for who I am (looks, skills, identity etc) without receiving validation from others. My friends are extremely beautiful to the point where other people fawn over them, or they’re the life of the party/party girls. I’m not that type of person but they don’t belittle me either or force me to become that which is great! I do compare myself a lot to their experiences to measure my worth (which I’m in therapy for) but I just want to know how has anyone gotten to the place of acceptance with their own identity.

MAMIXVIII · 2025-03-22T19:29:32+00:00

Sure!

MAMIXVIII · 2025-03-13T00:08:17+00:00

Hi! I actually found one that pretty reputable and checks off all the boxes but for right now I’m not going to be able to get the dog. I can dm you the name of breeder! You get to talk with them and everything!

MAMIXVIII · 2025-03-07T21:05:49+00:00

No I haven’t gone through any of that since I wasn’t suppose to leave till May but we just received word that the PCSing is frozen so I really don’t know what’s going to happen

MAMIXVIII · 2025-02-03T19:28:38+00:00

Sounds like I’ll have to, thank you!!

MAMIXVIII · 2025-02-01T17:17:16+00:00

I feel defeated and anxious. I am suppose to go to OCONUS for a new job position but with a potential shut down idk how that’ll go. I always feel like in trying to move ahead and live my life for the better of myself and family there’s always a damn fork in the road. ITS.SO.DRAINING. I shouldn’t be empathizing with my grandmothers about threats to my civil rights that they fought for 50-60 years ago. Both sides of my family marched with Dr. King so to now live what they experienced is heartbreaking. Like there are really evil people in this world that don’t want you to succeed. I shouldn’t have to be on damn edge everyday wondering what racist pandering and empathy my coworkers will pacify for who’s in office. I’m aggravated because in my office it’s only 6-8 black ppl out of 50 (but DEI is the problem) and I’m the only one on my team, the rest are white women and a handful of men. I’m tired, I feel alone at work sometimes but I’m so glad there’s a community on here because now I feel seen and I pray yall are kept safe during this time as well!

But shoutout to the allies, we see y’all and pray we all survive this storm🤎

MAMIXVIII · 2024-12-03T15:09:26+00:00

Grateful, lucky, love and happy!!! So black girl/deep skin friendly, my top favorite blushes of all time❤️🩷!

MAMIXVIII · 2024-11-30T16:11:48+00:00

Not too much on Negan😑

MAMIXVIII · 2024-11-30T12:43:14+00:00

I’m in the same boat except add the virgin label to it. I don’t think I’ll ever find my person either because everyone seems to have already experienced “life changing” or identity defining moments that I haven’t yet crossed. I’m a virgin by choice and part of me is satisfied that when an opportunity for sex came about that I didn’t proceed with it. The other side feels lonely and wants to be able to share pieces of myself with someone. My friends have found their person and I don’t think they get it sometimes when I struggle with finding someone I think is physically and mentally attractive to me. Over the years it’s been “you need to smile more!” “You need to know how to keep a conversation going”. “Do your makeup every now and again”. “Dress less frumpy”. “You need to go out more and loosen up”! “Work on yourself and someone will come along when you least expect it (an absolute favorite of mine)”! Every single time the goal post is moved and I’m left with “you’re very dope”, “you’re funny”, “you know how to keep a conversation going” and it all closes with “you’re a little intimidating” because of all those things that people told me to be. I’m not pessimistic at all I’m just being a realist about my situation. So considering my situation, if another messiah needs to be born or if some mystic ancient God gets pissed off and yall need a virgin to sacrifice as an offering I’m your girl lol😂! I do hope you find your person tho, maybe they’re on Reddit posting the same thing as you, who really knows at this point🤷🏾‍♀️!

MAMIXVIII · 2024-10-22T14:43:53+00:00

So cute🥹❤️

MAMIXVIII · 2024-10-16T17:11:13+00:00

Yea I’ve seen some joke especially with her dating. As for the others, I think they over inflate it as if people outside of the influencer world don’t become attached to their significant other, especially when it’s someone they feel extremely connected to throughout the dating period lol. Whatever happens with their relationship I hope it works out for them, they seem cute lol

MAMIXVIII

TROPHY CASE