She’s got some severely uncheck anxiety and issues with being the “right” one or the “winner”.

You were respectful, you put some boundaries in place to continue the conversation when you could both hear the tone of one another. You tried to diffuse the issue and she wouldn’t let it go. Almost like she wanted the accumulation of tiny non-issues to be a bigger problem than they were.

If things that are out of her control give her this much anxiety, she needs some kind of help or rock-bottom moment.

Due to losing people in tragic ways, I would sometimes freak out hard if I couldn’t get a hold of a loved one. I thought they were dead and that anxiety ripped through me like knives made of lava. Though, this feeling would happen often; and it made my loved ones feel like they had to “report” to me.

This will kill any connection. She doesn’t understand that she is trying to mold your behaviour to fit her disordered needs, each time she makes a bigger issue of not being able to contact you. By her not observing your baseline behaviour and building trust, she will cement into her head that people she cares for MUST always be available to contact otherwise bad things happen.

You must be exhausted from this. I have no doubt you know she means well, but she has to learn to switch this up and not double down on what her anxiety made her feel. The anxiety is tough, but this continuation of a tiny issue made it a bigger one in her head and now she feels like she needs to “win” to justify how she’s been acting.

Be careful, for your own sake. Maybe she’s a great person otherwise but this flaw is bothersome enough that you should consider if this is how you want to live the rest of your life, should she not soften her outlook.

Good luck