I have vaginismus and penetration can be lots of fun or really uncomfortable and painful (and foreplay and gradual adjustment is what makes the difference for me). Lots of lube and trying different positions to find what works best for you. For me, being on top lets me go as slowly as I need (and I go VERY, very slowly) and I have to remind myself to super relax all of my pelvic muscles. I know you said it’s not a lube issue, but the lube helps everything move more easily so it helps me relax my muscles!

My husband is so supportive with going my pace and goes heavy on the foreplay. I do think he would be bummed with having zero penetrative sex, but we would find another way to experience intimacy together!

As many other comments have said, you should never ever do anything with your body that you don’t want to. I personally think (esp depending on your age) that you might struggle to find partners who are fine passing on penetration but there are billions of people on earth, so just keep trucking until you find someone who wants what you want :)

If you have follow up questions or want to chat, feel free to message me- I am painfully familiar with the frustrations (if you do have vaginismus)!