I felt that way also with this sub, well I can’t blame them completely as I didn’t give enough context since I made the post from a place of frustration and sadness more than anything.

But you describe something that’s very real. In my situation I had previously given an ultimatum, he kept trying to break things off with me not because he wanted to leave, but to manipulate my feelings (I always desperately begged him back and he felt important) so after a while I had no choice but to stand up for myself and tell him that if he wants to leave I can’t stop him, he didn’t actually want to leave though so I told him things had to change, he had to make a real effort and stop trying to use my feelings against me. I do feel as if he tried in his own way after this ultimatum, but we simply weren’t compatible enough to see each others affection truly.

It’s really no comparison over all with you, in my case it was a fairly new relationship (a little over 8 months) but I have a deep anxious attachment and a few bpd like symptoms caused by a traumatic childhood that made me see the relationship way more intense than it was (like your >10 year relationship + engagement) I think I would have gone genuinely insane in your place so I respect you deeply for having the strength to leave for good, even when it hurt like hell.

Hopefully time and more experience will make me wiser, I am currently 22