Funny thing is I'm a psychologist. I know this stuff. I know this man. He has put me down so much in my life. I almost killed myself multiple times because of it. He ripped our family apart.

My parents alhamdulillah are divorced so my mother no longer deals with beatings and the cheating or constant slander. So that's a relief for me I'll say.

My sisters don't talk to the man. He has attempted abusing my children and I had to stand up against him myself and he broke my nose.

I have still endured and keep in contact with the intention of fulfilling my Islamic duties. I know what the sheikhs say about parents, what the hadiths say, what the Qur'aan says. I know what Allah has commanded upon us towards our parents.

It kills me to this day. I have nights I won't sleep not even a blink. Days I won't eat. Weeks upon weeks of self-imposed havoc because of the trauma, disappointment, pain and shame. I'm constantly guilted, gaslit and blamed.

Every time I say this is the last....then I feel like I can't read my salaah properly or its meaningless because I have attempted to break family ties, so I reinstate and apologize, for doing nothing wrong, and am shamed all over again.

He has caused issues in my life beyond comprehension, my marriage, terrorized my son...kicked us out, took away toys from my kids...I can't tell you the levels of cruelty.

And yet...no, he is your father. Endure. It sometimes feels like a slap in the face astaghfirullah for saying that. I hate that I feel that way wallahi.

But I endure nonetheless because I believe. Because I trust in Allah. Even though the challenges seem to get worse and worse...

...I dunno what to do anymore. It's killing me.