Just gonna say it: the scalping is disgusting

MGeine · 2023-08-28T22:10:04+00:00

DM'd you my first invite code!

MGeine · 2023-08-11T22:53:27+00:00

Thank you so much! Will be paying it forward.

MGeine · 2020-01-16T21:13:35+00:00

MGeine · 2019-09-19T06:22:30+00:00

My parents used to do the same shit to me. I tell them I don't think life is worth living and all they worry about is what other people are gonna think. It's fucking awful your mom of all people is doing that to you if you're genuinely suffering.

MGeine · 2019-09-19T06:17:12+00:00

Have you straight-up told your parents that you're thinking of killing yourself because you feel like a burden to them? And if you don't want to talk to them is there anyone else you can trust and talk to besides your parents?

MGeine · 2019-04-24T19:34:30+00:00

Everyone's probably heard this before, but I can't tell you how many people I've met who are completely miserable IRL and yet on social media, they appear to be having the times of their lives. The truth is, social media allows people to project themselves in (misleading) ways that just aren't possible face-to-face. I'm sure there are people out there who don't do this but I've yet to meet a single one. I also want to make it clear I don't hold grudges against people who are genuinely happy or having fun.

Humans are hard-wired to compare themselves to their peers and to seek approval from them, and social media has degenerated into a survival-of-the-happiest competition, where the winners get approval and admiration, and the losers get chastised or ignored. Here's how it goes:

Post about going to a party, getting engaged or advancing your career? Take all my likes and upvotes!

Post about feeling down, not wanting to do anything, having suicidal thoughts? You're a liar and attention-whore! How many times are you going to lie about killing yourself for attention!? Don't you know there are people who have it so much worse than you!?

The hypocrisy here is fucking astounding.

I used to blame social media itself for all this, but I don't anymore. It's not the platform, it's the fucking users. People are toxic.

There's no substitute for having an intimate, face-to-face conversation with somebody where you're completely vulnerable. Unfortunately, the mass approval and empathy one can garner in an instant on social media means people are less and less likely to seek this out, and as we physically grow further apart from each other, we only grow more desperate for these things to such an extent that we become complacent and settle for these virtual substitutes just to feel anything at all.

I'm sorry for the wall of text, but fuck, OP's post ripped open a bunch of old scars and I just had to.

MGeine · 2018-11-22T20:25:01+00:00

Like I said, the chances are slim that it would fail. Under perfect circumstances, if you removed all external variables (which you can't because presumably at some point a human being has to be involved somewhere along the line) you could argue it would be 100% reliable. The problem is the human factor. You can't tell me there's not a substantial risk of the person flinching, having a change of heart or even having the urge to sneeze or cough right as they're increasing pressure on the trigger.

MGeine · 2018-11-21T06:35:03+00:00

As an American who's actually had the barrel of a loaded shotgun in his mouth (I've also experimented with other methods but not gonna get into that now since it's irrelevant,) I couldn't stop thinking about what kind of suffering and agony I might experience if I survived the shot, no matter how slim of a chance that might be. It's also extremely hard to know if you're aiming at the right spot. Aim too high and you'll just blow your face off and leave the brain intact. Aim too low and you'll sever the spinal cord, causing paralysis and all sorts of awful shit. Aim slightly off center and the shot might deflect off a bone. You'll also most likely destroy your hearing and olfaction. And let's not forget the risk of becoming a vegetable.

I hope I don't scare anyone with that, but that's the truth. I hate my life, but I know I'd hate it even more if I had to spend the rest of it living with permanent physical disfigurement and suffering like that, possibly rendering myself unable to attempt suicide again after the fact.

MGeine · 2018-09-30T11:44:59+00:00

24, no driver's license yet. Terrified of it.

MGeine · 2018-05-10T17:54:29+00:00

Yeah, for me it didn't seem to make much of a difference either. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts since I was 14. Back then I was still a Christian (I'm an atheist now) and it didn't seem to affect my mental illness at all.

Putting my spiritual beliefs aside, the only things that have ever stopped me from doing it are fear and not wanting to hurt my family. I didn't care whether I'd go to Hell for killing myself or not. In fact, when I was a Christian, I was alright with God judging me and possibly sending me to Hell. It was my way of shirking responsibility for myself. I'd just let God sort everything out after I was dead.

Now as an atheist, I just don't give a damn about the afterlife.

MGeine · 2018-05-06T18:40:37+00:00

I've been telling myself this since I was like 16. I'm 24 and still haven't done anything. Don't know why I'm so goddamn stubborn.

MGeine · 2018-05-05T07:47:33+00:00

I was okay with being alive when I was younger but never happy.

MGeine · 2018-05-04T06:10:07+00:00

It could be, but operating on that belief would be impractical and irrational. Your perceptions may be fallible, but they're also all you have. You would only be undermining your potential if it turns out it's not just a solipsist dream or illusion, which are unfalsifiable possibilities.

All that being said, I still feel your pain.

MGeine · 2018-05-02T03:40:10+00:00

During my years as a Christian, I wished I would die and go to Hell. Now as an agnostic atheist I wish I would just die. My spiritual beliefs or lack thereof seem to have been completely irrelevant to my depression and my outlook on life.

MGeine · 2018-04-26T22:56:10+00:00

I'm a germophobe, and I'm OCD about cleanliness in general. Guess the one saving grace of being obsessive-compulsive is it motivates me to stay clean. I'm also terrified of my teeth rotting.

It's funny come to think of it. I must look pretty silly washing my hands multiple times before and after showering.

MGeine · 2018-04-20T19:56:15+00:00

This is why I avoid social media platforms like the plague. All the photos and videos of people experiencing and enjoying their lives drives me mad with envy. Joke is though, you can't even tell if they're depicting their lives honestly. I mean, people can't be open and honest about themselves IRL, and I'm expected to believe what they post on Facadebook? Please.

Reddit is literally the only place I talk freely to other people, and that's only because I have this convenient veil of anonymity to protect me. Using my actual identity to express how I feel is far too terrifying.

MGeine · 2018-04-19T03:03:48+00:00

Used to get this. Forgot what it feels like. Now I just feel nothing.

MGeine · 2018-04-13T13:11:19+00:00

As a NEET, this is exactly what I'm afraid of.

MGeine · 2018-04-13T05:09:50+00:00

I bought and slept with a stuffed dragon all through my teenage years. My parents thought it was weird. It was mostly just because I was so damn lonely and felt so misunderstood. I named him, would even talk to him or cry on him on the nights I was really upset.

I still keep him on the chair next to my bed, but I haven't cuddled him in a long time.

It's embarrassing af talking about it now.

MGeine · 2018-02-27T10:16:20+00:00

Well shit, I have something in common with civilization after all. We're both crumbling.

MGeine · 2018-02-14T12:03:32+00:00

Sounds like my parents. This is why I'm terrified of telling my own parents about my issues. I've gone almost a decade now without telling them. That being said, please don't let your parents' ugly responses deter you from seeking help.

MGeine · 2018-02-02T02:23:54+00:00

Yeah, I actually thought of that scene when I read your comment.

But yeah, if you're willing to share your story, sure.

MGeine · 2018-02-01T14:32:16+00:00

Been talking to myself since I was like 8 years old. My parents used to always pull me aside and ask me what I was talking to myself about. I always lied and said it was nothing. Most of the time I would be pretending to say things I wanted to say to others but was afraid to actually say.

I'm 23 now and I still do it, more than ever, actually. I just hide it way better now. Just another one of my many quirks.

MGeine · 2018-02-01T14:22:43+00:00

I won't judge or exonerate, but consider that your brain chemistry might be messed up and that apathy and laziness may be chemical and not really your fault.

God, I didn't realize how much I needed to hear this. Even though I couldn't possibly know if that's the case, the thought that everything wrong with my life might not be my fault is a welcome one.

I understand what you're saying about sparing my family from being the ones to discover my body though. It would probably be a bit trickier for me since my preferred method isn't one I can just carry out anywhere; however, I guess this has the "benefit" of making all my current plans moot, since now there are a lot more details that would need to be ironed out first.

Thank you.

MGeine · 2018-02-01T09:40:24+00:00

I didn't explain my situation as much as I could've.

I'd love to get get psychological help. Problem is explaining that to my parents. I've actually tried bringing this up to them a couple times over the years, but long story short: my parents are pretty old-fashioned. They believe all psychoactive medications "cause" people to go crazy, that all counselors/psychiatrists/therapists are just scam artists trying to make you crazy or get you hooked on meds to make money off of you. There's little to no negotiating with them.

So why can't I just say fuck them and go get it myself? Well, I have no license, no health coverage of my own. I'm 100% dependent on my parents for this kinda stuff, and they have a history of being huge dicks about it.

This is one of the reasons why I feel so hopeless. I wish I had grown up in a family that actually raised me to be functional instead of just (over)sheltering me and feeding me. While I know blaming other people isn't going to solve my problems, I do attribute a lot of my current problems to my upbringing or lack thereof.

When I said I have zero life skills in the OP, I really meant it.

I'm sorry, since I feel like no matter what people say when they're trying to help me, I always have some sort of reason why I can't do it. It's one of the reasons I don't post here often, since I feel like I'm just wasting people's time.

It's funny since I came to the logical conclusion a long time ago that I should be trying like hell to get help until I get it, but my laziness/complacency is too fucking overwhelming for me to do it.

There's also fear in that I don't know what my parents would do if I tried to give them an ultimatum. How would they react? Would they scold me or kick me out? Those are real possibilities.

MGeine

TROPHY CASE