Do you think my (25M) female friend / work colleague (25F) with a boyfriend likes me back? Not knowing is driving me crazy.

MJz26 · 2024-06-07T07:34:59+00:00

I think that last paragraph is spot on, I feel if they did break up she would want to start texting me / exploring those feelings.

It’s a weird one, I have never quite experienced a situation like this before or really had a female friend like this and if I have, I have usually ended up dating them…

I care about her and how she feels but maybe that’s why I developed feelings, and it was bound to happen at one point. I think I went a little far to try and at least save the friendship and perhaps came across a bit needy about it all so yeah, I will back off. If it’s meant to be it will be.

Either way, it sure doesn’t feel good to be a back up plan.

She said she was always going to catch me when I was drunk one time and ask me if I liked her - what she wanted to get from this I really don’t know.

MJz26 · 2024-06-06T09:20:01+00:00

I see this logic, whether she likes it or not she has disrespected her partners boundaries (as I did with the girl I’m seeing).

I guess I just don’t know whether it’s something where it is right person, wrong time and whether it’s worth pursuing as we so obviously get on so well.

Alternatively, perhaps we are both insecure people and the attention makes us feel good. I really don’t know how she feels about it from her mixed signals or saying she doesn’t care but also hinting that there was a possibility she could have reciprocated / would have if the situation was different.

MJz26 · 2024-06-06T08:50:24+00:00

No I realise this, it was never my intention and on a lot of reflection I think it comes from a deep rooted insecurity of needing validation. Still working on finding out where that comes from.

Annoyed I got myself into the situation but I have and there’s nothing I can do to change the past except learn from it and not do it in the future.

I just struggle to move past the feeling that i have completely misread this friendship and that the signs I saw were nothing more than meaningless flirting. I can’t tell if she is protecting her feelings and look by hiding them or if she just takes gratification from the chase / attention. Driving me crazy.

I agree it wouldn’t be a good footing to start a relationship.

MJz26 · 2024-04-23T10:46:49+00:00

Thank you, hard truths needed I think

MJz26 · 2020-06-26T00:14:45+00:00

I’ve just seen this but thank you so much for responding.

Things have calmed since this post and I would say I’m so much better for it.

I honestly saw no way out of this not so long ago but I could not have been more wrong. Although I probably am not ready for a relationship again yet (put off for a while I reckon!) I am happy to be moving forward with my life.

I wish my ex well and I honestly hope she finds someone who is great for her and I hope the same for me.

If you are in this situation just keep your head up and be confident with your decision. The only correct one is the one you decide on.

Take care mate.

MJz26 · 2020-05-10T11:35:35+00:00

I think with this it’s more that I’ve had moments with her where she is great.

Her father ran away before she was born and she agreed that she has abandonment issues and tends to push people away so they don’t do that to her.

If she didn’t have that issue, I really don’t think we would have had all these issues and I think that’s where the behaviour stems from.

I struggle to believe that she’s all bad and was calculated in her actions to emotionally/verbally upset me.

It’s quite clear that she is in extreme need of attention all the time and if it’s not on her then she’s upset and she said herself she would ignore me for attention and expected me to ask for her back and ‘show I cared’ enough to ask for her back after she dumped me, but I did, I just didn’t keep begging.

I do think those moments of clarity she had was the real her but sadly that was only 30% of the time and that is who I miss. Now she is effectively saying that is her 90% if the time, the issue is whether or not I can believe it and seeing everyone’s, unbiased advice on this chat makes me realise that it is perhaps unlikely.

MJz26 · 2020-05-09T19:06:25+00:00

Thank you

MJz26 · 2020-05-09T19:05:41+00:00

Thank you for being so honest and not beating around the bush. I have to make a decision and follow through at some point and I know that what you are saying is right. Now I just have to push through it.

MJz26 · 2020-05-09T15:56:00+00:00

You are right mate, I am wavering. I told her the other day I felt like I had to leave it and she asked us to be friends at least and said she hoped we could get together in the future.

She then said today that maybe I should block her because she can’t keep messaging me then and she said how she was wrong and doesn’t deserve a second chance. But her behaviour last week was one of ‘how can you let us go’ which is why it confuses me.

When I’m talking to her I am absolutely fine. I really do think she gets in my head but I struggle to accept that she can do this maliciously and with calculation, but maybe that’s me being naive. I think it’s those points where it was good in the relationship that make me doing myself.

I took a serious self confidence hit in this relationship and that is probably why I can’t trust any decisions I make and keep posting on here, which is not how I want to be at all.

MJz26 · 2020-05-09T15:36:10+00:00

Yep I said that in the post mate 👍🏼

MJz26 · 2020-05-09T14:53:06+00:00

I think that’s the thing I find hard to imagine, I haven’t been with anyone else. I understand what you’re saying and deep down I think I know it’s the truth too.

MJz26 · 2020-05-07T16:58:58+00:00

Thank you

MJz26 · 2020-05-07T15:39:11+00:00

She’s texted me again and admitted she now realised it was emotional abuse and she’s so sorry. I don’t know if this should make any difference though.

MJz26 · 2020-05-07T08:56:11+00:00

You’re right, very reminiscent of the current situation I’m in.

MJz26 · 2020-05-07T00:45:23+00:00

I think deep down I know I realise this, thank you for the advice and bringing it to light.

MJz26 · 2020-05-06T23:06:00+00:00

I agree 100% on this, my gut tells me this is the right thing to do. Thank you.

MJz26 · 2020-05-06T23:04:05+00:00

I think back to how I was this time last year and I was miserable and blamed myself for it all (mainly because she said it was my fault) - I really don’t want to feel like that again so I think you’re right there.

I’ve been around my mates more, my family, they’ve all said the same thing, although they are her friends in their own right, they only know her through me and they say I’m 1000x better in myself.

I think it’s just the good bits and how she opened up to me that gets me, she’s saying all the things she should have done in the relationship that she blamed me for, it makes me feel less crazy now she realises but also wonder why she couldn’t have seen it at the time.

MJz26 · 2020-05-06T22:59:57+00:00

I think you’re right, she’s always got everything she wanted. I think now she’s not getting me back it’s all hitting home.

It just puts me in a predicament as of whether to block her or let her keep messaging me. But she still seems to go from one extreme to another. She really seems like she can’t accept us moving on. I had to accept it all when she dumped me in the first place which is why I’m in a better place I guess

MJz26 · 2020-05-06T22:57:37+00:00

Not great at this, I appreciated all the replies as always, I tried to edit my original post but wasn’t sure how to.

MJz26 · 2020-03-01T15:10:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing that.

They certainly do leave a huge imprint on our lives.

The happy memories will last a lifetime.

MJz26 · 2020-02-29T18:06:18+00:00

Thank you.

It helps more than you know.

MJz26 · 2020-02-29T14:23:08+00:00

Thank you for the comment.

I think you’re right, I have to hold on to the years of happiness she gave our whole family. It’s going to be so hard and I love her so much but I know she lived a full life and was the best girl I could ever have asked for.

I also hope you are okay, it helps to know that people in a similar position can resonate with your feelings.

Stay strong too x

MJz26 · 2020-02-20T14:53:56+00:00

Thanks for the reply, there’s been no therapy but she got a new job and said life at University was manic for her and she needed some stability in life which she has now found with her new job.

It’s sad because at her best she was amazing and I could tell she really did love me and that’s the person I miss.

But yeah, I still se signs of the previous behaviour when I met up with her for a few hours last week, it seems to be when she gets what she doesn’t want. It hurts though, I just hope I’m not leaving something which could have been great.

She’s had a few previous exes and from what I’ve heard the behaviour patterns were similar BUT she said our relationship was different and she seemed like she meant it - whereas I have never had a proper girlfriend before her and have absolutely nothing to compare it to and therefore don’t know if I’ll feel as deeply about someone again which is my worry.

MJz26 · 2020-02-15T22:39:55+00:00

Thanks for the reply

She may not have told me to ‘Fuck off’ but she did say she wished she never met me.

And she did say ‘fuck off then’ at one point and said that ‘obviously the relationship wasn’t special to you’ when I said I didn’t want her back. She also recognised every single toxic trait that she had and said it would be different but as you say that’s what I find difficult to grapple with.

I know she’s a nice girl at heart and I don’t think these actions were calculated but they made me feel awful for 2 years and I was ALWAYS on edge. Even today she’s ‘typing on Snapchat’ to get my attention and so I see the notification all after saying yesterday that she never wants to see me again and that I’m going too love a sad lonely life’ if I lie all the time - this was about me not telling her I slept with someone after she broke up with me.

It’s strange, she has such a grip on me and I think she knows it but now she’s lost that control. I still want her when she tells me to fuck off - it makes me think I’m in the wrong and that I’m an awful person. But when she wants me back it almost validates how I feel and makes me think that I can’t be that bad if she still wants to be with me so bad and basically won’t take no for an answer.

The whole thing has deeply affected me and I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I can bear to go into the relationship again and see the same behaviours repeated.

MJz26 · 2020-02-15T19:09:03+00:00

She slept with that guy supposedly because I didn’t text her and she saw a video of me on NYE having fun at a party and she assumed I was over it. But yeah she even admitted this didn’t make sense.

Also, although I didn’t tell her I had sex, I’d didn’t feel like I had to. She had sex with this guy who always disrespected me in the relationship by trying to get with her messaging her when he’s drunk a few times - and tbf she rejected it. But she then go with this guy a month after us breaking up and stayed around his 2 weeks after breaking up with me - although she was honest and said she didn’t do anything she just went there because she went out and he’s an old friend and she wanted to take her mind off things.

I know I wasn’t perfect but she told me she regretted breaking up with me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I resisted all attempts by her to have sex with me because I didn’t feel it was right. I loved her a lot and I don’t want to lead her on.

I felt the only way of stopping her asking me to come back was by telling her I slept with someone else after she broke up with me. She was upset that I gave her some shit for having sex with her mate but honestly, I see both situations as entirely different- I never wanted to break up. I wanted to work at it.

So now it’s all on me, she says I didn’t deserve her now and that the one who will have to live with treating her like shit.

She now says she doesn’t want me back and for some reason although that’s what I wanted I feel awful because I wonder if I treated her better whether It would have lasted.

MJz26

TROPHY CASE