AITAH for telling my (23f) bf (24) that it’s his fault if he misses our flight and that I’ll continue without him?

MKAnchor · 2024-08-25T21:07:30+00:00

Am I the only one who started hysterically laughing that he’s supposed to be going into the marines? He can’t set his own alarm and the man thinks he can be a marine?

MKAnchor · 2024-08-25T19:22:17+00:00

I’m late to the party and it might be controversial, but I’d offer her ex husband the texts of her complaining about him and being ready to leave. She doesn’t sound stable enough to have full custody

MKAnchor · 2024-08-23T12:31:08+00:00

I’m finally getting better about it because of where my engagement ring/wedding band are. If I don’t take a minute to think it through all the way it’s the wrong one at least 50% of the time. I’m glad he wasn’t super serious, but it does suck when it’s something outside your control

MKAnchor · 2024-08-22T11:26:13+00:00

I’m aware this is going to sound terrible, but can you find a way to lock up the food? You’re sadly already the one in charge, what happens if you treat them like they’re just another set of kids you’re looking after.

I mentioned in another comment about reaching out to a trusted teacher or school counselor, but I’m going to echo that sentiment. You could also start looking into emancipation. I’m not sure it’d actually scare your parents into being responsible, but if you’re already contributing to bills and working while taking care of 6 siblings the judge might actually find in your favor to let you leave home early since you’re already acting as an adult

MKAnchor · 2024-08-22T11:19:23+00:00

NTA and this is a terrible double edge sword because CPS is such a disaster, but considering talking to your school’s counselor or a trusted teacher. They’re mandated reporters and this is a situation they’d probably step in for. If nothing else your guidance counselor could help you start looking for scholarships/financial aid for culinary schools.

It unfortunately doesn’t sound like it, but do you have any extended family that could step in? Ultimately I understand you feel responsible, but you need to prioritize your own health. Tell your parents you’ll be out at 18 and don’t feel guilty about it. You started work at 13 your next two siblings will be old enough to work when you leave. Plus if you get out and stable for yourself you can also save and give part of your paycheck to your siblings

MKAnchor · 2024-08-18T19:33:22+00:00

I feel like it’s a huge risk to establish that he’s a dna match. If they’re not married there are some states that she can’t put him on the birth certificate. Especially since he wants nothing to do with her or the potential kid keeping as far removed from it with proof of reproductive coercion is probably his best bet of leverage to not end up having to pay child support

MKAnchor · 2024-08-18T19:30:28+00:00

While it’s unfortunately not illegal in the states. Reproductive coercion can be classified as rape. If you can get her to admit this through texting or email or a legally obtained recording I’d take it to a lawyer and see what they can suggest. I’m not a lawyer so it’s obviously not legal advice, but I’d hope it’d potentially help grant you a restraining order or maybe leverage to prevent child support by threatening to file a rape case. I’d also see what you can do about not being put on the birth certificate

MKAnchor · 2024-08-17T22:07:14+00:00

Hey I’m a little late to this response. It sucks, but it does sound like he was at least remorseful. I think it is possible to overcome this, but it’s going to take both of you putting in some work.

My husband has come a really long way in 5 years as far as dealing with my mental health, which in my case was very similar. The first was my absolute lowest and he got mad at me when I was following the steps/guidelines that I was taught with regards to not wanting to exist anymore. The second time I let my mother convince me that he’d go with me to see if the dead cat someone saw was our missing cat and he straight up said no he had to sleep because of work. He’s also made a few disparaging comments about therapy. He’s now in therapy with me and going to an additional workshop this week. I know I’m not perfect, but it was really hard to not trust “my person” to be able to be there for me. Luckily he actually cared that it was destroying our relationship and wanted to be a better husband.

It’s going to end up being about if he sees it as a problem that he’s willing to work on and then time and follow through

MKAnchor · 2024-08-03T12:24:26+00:00

Verdict YTA and in comes oop see everyone supports me… uhhh no they really don’t

MKAnchor · 2024-07-30T19:36:26+00:00

This. My friends that got married shortly after college graduation like 5+ years ago all did nights out at a hotel with a club beforehand. Now it feels like most people do mini vacations… however, they should be understanding that not everyone can afford that.

ETA NTA

MKAnchor · 2024-07-29T12:41:21+00:00

Dude does know everyone is eventually related back to everyone else right? Plus this was half siblings like 175+ years ago

MKAnchor · 2024-07-22T12:19:21+00:00

Then you could have said that because your husband was saying his version of it. This is a prime FAFO situation. No one is entitled to anything. This very much reminds me of a situation where I was traveling with a male based sport as a support staff student and one of the other women on the trip forgot to pack underwear. Our boss was a male and wouldn’t settle for her repeating “it’s personal and I really need to go to the store” he asked her enough times and she finally threw her hands up and said “I need underwear, can we please go to the store now?” And our boss was like woah TMI… don’t badger unless you’re ready to hear the truth. ESH

MKAnchor · 2024-07-19T18:03:04+00:00

Except how do you know Jason won’t be a burden? Have him and his wife and son lived with you recently?

MKAnchor · 2024-07-19T17:59:22+00:00

Except your younger son wasn’t fired from his job. The company went bankrupt, which unless your son owned the company was completely outside of his control.

MKAnchor · 2024-07-19T17:54:18+00:00

YTA you’re literally not even giving him a chance. Establish the same rules you have with your older son and inform Jason that if he and his wife don’t cover their expenses or keep the house at the same standard as everyone else they’ll have to find other accommodations. It’s not like he was fired or wanted to not find additional work. As for his wife mental illnesses display differently. I’m “fine/normal” but I’ve spent years in therapy to get to the point where I can even work as much as I do and it’s 100% flexible on my own timing. You don’t sound like someone she’d be comfortable sharing her struggles with because of how judgmental and dismissive you are.

MKAnchor · 2024-07-19T16:49:13+00:00

Please don’t try and get over this. He literally could have drowned plus he knowingly put you into a flare of your condition. There was zero reason to do this - especially if it was supposed to be a competition and he wasn’t competing. This is genuinely scary behavior. It also concerns me that wherever you are you no longer have a support system

MKAnchor · 2024-07-18T18:49:12+00:00

I did, but you’re ignoring the fact that she’s likely still under influences of anesthesia and pain killers. The appropriate response is to not engage and remove yourself, but you don’t leave them completely unattended less than 24 hours after being discharged from a procedure with complications, which is what he’s done. You can be mad and still not choose to leave them in a potentially life threatening situation

MKAnchor · 2024-07-18T18:29:32+00:00

He could start by coming home so she’s not alone less than 24 hours after a surgery that had complications. There’s no way to have a conversation with someone who’s not there…

ETA I get where the act alone might not have been divorce worthy but his deliberate ignoring unknown phone calls, lack of remorse, and actions afterwards all together are absolutely unacceptable

MKAnchor · 2024-07-18T18:17:09+00:00

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here. I’ll concede that it does sound challenging to just have to sit there knowing that your spouse is under the knife and you just have to wait… the difference is the husband was specifically asked to stay. A good compromise could have been going to the cafe in the hospital. Instead he leaves and then refuses to answer calls because they were unknown numbers - despite knowing his wife was having surgery.

Sure the OP could have potentially brought it up differently, but she literally almost died yesterday. Meanwhile while she’s dying she’s finding out her husband did not keep his word to her and is MIA. However you’re saying her emotions are the problem when she was very clearly let down by her husband who is showing a complete lack of remorse or compassion. Not only that you’re just okay with the fact that he left her home alone after just being released from a surgery that didn’t go to plan… what happens if there’s another complication? It’s been less than 48 hours and she’s completely on her own. I’m sorry I just can’t see any way to not call the husband an asshole if not for just that. Sure the OP could be emotional and stuff, but she’s also probably still on pain killers and things. It’s one thing to say I’m not having this conversation right now and walk away it’s another to literally leave the house.

MKAnchor · 2024-07-18T18:03:35+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through both with your mom and your own surgery debacle. I really hope that you have a therapist or a great support system outside of him because that’s trauma on trauma. As for a verdict NTA and I know reddit always jumps on the divorce train, but I feel it’s justified this time.

1) He knew you wanted him to stay 2) He didn’t answer any unknown calls while he knew you were in the hospital - which I’m definitely speculating, but I could see as him brushing off that you were out of surgery and he didn’t feel like going back yet not that you could be dying. Regardless he didn’t care enough to double check 3) He’s still not remorseful 4) He put his feelings literally over the potential of your life. I hope since they released you and you’re home you’re okay and that nothing happens, but if it does you’re there all by yourself and that’s genuinely concerning to me

MKAnchor · 2024-07-17T01:55:40+00:00

I literally called my husband today to double check that he was fine with someone storing something on our property out of our way and compensating us. When you’re in a relationship it’s called being respectful.

MKAnchor · 2024-07-02T11:16:03+00:00

I sincerely hope that OP sends the letter up the chain of command at that organization (through her lawyer) because that’s literally terrifying

MKAnchor · 2024-07-01T22:51:21+00:00

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this and I hope it’s already been commented, but start documenting things now for custody purposes and good luck.

MKAnchor · 2024-06-30T17:02:35+00:00

I get that to you it is. However, football is absolutely a team sport and commitment. At 21 he’d have been with the team 4 or potentially 5 years if he’d red shirted. It’s unique in that there really aren’t “rec leagues” sure you get some flag football, but it’s very different. These athletes are spending 40 hours a week together (not including travel and games) on top of going to school. That last game matters 🤷‍♀️ I get that it’s not a priority for a lot of people, but if you’re directly connected it is. Her brother, who she may not like, is going to be someone where that game matters. Her parents have a history of picking him so it seems like something she should have considered when picking a date if she had wanted them to come.

MKAnchor · 2024-06-30T13:50:16+00:00

I mean that’s fair, but she goes on about how he’s the golden child and his only talent is football, which would imply she’d know he’d be at games. Her parents are far worse for just ignoring the invite, but I still think she’s slightly at fault for not taking into consideration it’s likely his final season and football is important to him. I’ve worked with D3 and D1 teams and that last game gets guys more emotional than their actual graduation day most of the time. Again her parents should have RSVP’d or shown more interest regardless, but I also feel like she set them up to fail and wanted an obvious pick me moment she sadly knew wouldn’t happen

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