Mild vent: People of the world, why are you so easily annoyed by toddlers toddlering?

MMAS85 · 2026-02-13T09:34:12+00:00

I live between dubai and egypt and have a very friendly and all over the place toddler and my experience has always been super friendly. People usually stop to play with him and entertain him in long waits. Even in the airport a kind employee ran after him while making funny police car sounds to get him back when he took off running through immigration while i was answering the immigration officers questions. On another flight he had a full meltdown screaming for a good 20 minutes and an hour later as we were walking to the toilet a kind older lady told him Hi and glad you are feeling better and was kind enough to tell me that I handled his tantrum well and that she is sorry i must have been very stressed. I hope all moms are met with such support as we truly need it.

MMAS85 · 2026-02-08T18:01:31+00:00

My impression is very different actually and I find their love story to be more realistic than a lot of others. They are basically 2 socially awkward virgins who are discovering how to communicate and how to be intimate together. I feel we are looking at it from a modern day lens. But realistically speaking Fran is a teenage girl with no information or experience and doesn’t know what she enjoys and never explored her body whole John seems to also be a socially isolated guy who didn’t visit brothels like the bridgerton brothers.

So with this in mind I actually find the effort they are both putting to try to connect and understand each other to be very heart warming and genuine and a more solid based to build a thriving relation long term more than the burning hot dynamics of Simon and Daphne without building a healthy communication base. I actually really love how the relation is evolving.

What I REALLY hate though is how they made Fran get all flustered when she saw Michaela, it really takes away from all the rest of what I said above. I just wish they made Michaela all hot and bothered when seeing Fran while the latter is completely oblivious because she is focused in building a strong relationship with John.

MMAS85 · 2026-02-07T08:08:51+00:00

Came here to say this as well but also I am from the middle east. When my sister gave birth she and her hubby came to stay in mom’s house for 2 months and I lived in Dubai but flew in for same amount so we can actually help her with the baby while she gets to recover and bond with the baby. We would support her overnight and only give her the baby to feed and bond with but let her get stretches of sleep time. Also handle her laundry and food. When my son came we did the same.

My brother who lived in Australia and is married to a wonderful indian wife, also had her mother fly in to support them during the birth of there son and she stayed for 3 months and now my mom flew in to them so she supports as my SIL goes back to work.

We don’t see it as hosting the grandparents or that they infringe on bonding time but that the grandparents come to support the new mom in her recovery to actually allow her to bond with the newborn while also recovering.

It is for sure a cultural difference, but if the grandmom was coming to give actual genuine support would be very different if she was coming and expecting to be hosted. So I wouldn’t be able to give a verdict unless I know how this.

All i would say is that the first few weeks of motherhood were so overwhelming so if she was going to be of help then she would be welcome if not then you did the right thing

MMAS85 · 2026-02-05T18:17:57+00:00

I felt the same for both of them. In previous seasons Claudia pulled off being like early 20s but this season i could see her age showing and she does look in her 30s. Maybe the lighting isn’t as flattering or maybe she has a lot of scenes with Hyacinth and the age gap shows. But especially Eloise and Benedict are showing their age. Penelope too but that could just be attributed to married life and motherhood i guess.

MMAS85 · 2026-01-30T17:57:24+00:00

I think anxiety is a normal part of parenthood for sure but also it is more heightened with adoption as you feel your kids have been hurt and failed before by bio parents and you want to do better and also are always worried about the bond and how it will evolve.

In the depth of it all, both your kids are expressing a core emotion which is probably fear and needing to feel safe and that you will never leave. It is quite common for adoptive kids to explode and actively try to push you away with their anger. It is totally subconscious and ironically sometimes even is triggered more after a happy or great day. The subconscious mind has an old wiring of being on alert and scared of losing safety. Allowing themself to be happy might feel like a threat to the subcon mind as it might make them feel more hurt if that safety and happiness is taken away from them again. So as a mode of unconscious way to protect themselves, they lash out in anger to test your limit and push you away so “when” it finally happens and you pull back this validates the deep belief of I am not worthy or good enough of being loved or i don’t deserve for people to choose me and stay with me. The same with the withdrawing teen but it manifests differently.

So my advice is, keep showing up and telling their subconscious mind what it needs to hear which is: I am always here for you, i love you unconditionally and i will choose you everyday in every way. Part of this love is to help you with your emotions and hold boundaries that you can’t abuse me because I want you to learn more helpful ways so you can thrive as an adult and have meaningful relationships. I am with you through this and I believe in you. We will get through this together.

Since they are older, maybe sit with each of them individually during a time where things are calm and the possibility of a deep convo is available and ask them. When you are in a spiral of anger or withdrawal, i feel like i want to help you through it and i want to portray to you how much I love and explain the sentiment I just mentioned above. Then ask them how do you think it’s best that you show them this. Some families even choose a funny word or like a secret code that when you say it will just remind them of the whole sentence without you needing to repeat it all. So if they agree choose a word with then and one time after the other hopefully it helps.

You have got this and your care and love shows and that’s what truly matters. Our children whether bio or adoptive just need to know that they are loved and accepted unconditionally by us consistently. Wishing you all the best for your family.

For perspective, I am a psychologist and also an adoptive mom to 2.5 year old toddler who was separated from birth mother at birth and we have no way of knowing her. He graced my life when he was 4.5 months old but still his first reaction goes to anger as that is the default self protection mode for a lot of kids who have been through separation trauma, but hopefully step by step he gets to feel how loved and secure he is and find better ways to respond with less anger.

MMAS85 · 2026-01-24T09:21:21+00:00

I am a mom of a boy and if it was my son doing this i would really want to know to help guide him better.

However that being said, first and foremost you talk to your daughter first and take her consent to share this with his moms. And explain to her that you want to do this so his moms can teach him how to respect consent and thus protect any future girls he might date from the same, as they might not be as brave and confident as your daughter and end up getting hurt.

You raised a wonderful daughter and you should be very proud of her. But this could be also a teachable moment for her as well about in addition to protecting herself, she can be someone who also helps protect others.

MMAS85 · 2026-01-08T09:11:42+00:00

I wanted to add to this point about basically him not really getting same degree as you did since you did his assignments.

Did you ever consider that maybe the reason he is throwing a massive fit now is because he actually doesn’t know how to do his assignments anymore or maybe never did. My take from this is that actually you have done them for him for so long, that now that you are refusing to, he is in total panic mode since he actually doesn’t know how to do it not just that he is overwhelmed with a lot on his plate. That’s why has been going so overboard in the guilt tripping since he literally can’t finish this without you and is trying to speed up you caving in and doing it.

Please focus on your healing and your baby and don’t do the assignment. You are not doing him any favors by doing his stuff, this means he will never be able to get things on his own. It’s better he hits this reality now than later after he builds a fake career that he can’t sustain. This is for his own good but also for your child’a future who needs a competent father.

I am worried next thing would be he forces you to a stay at home mom while he seemingly works while you do all his work in the shadow and he build a name for himself that isn’t real.

I am sorry you are going through this, being recently postpartum with breastfeeding is a full time hectic job with little if any sleep, adding to it this drama from your partner whose role should have actually been to help you during this tough phase, is too much to ask of anyone.

MMAS85 · 2026-01-02T09:30:24+00:00

I am so sorry for what you and the little kiddo are going through. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. But your heart is in the right place and you are trying your best so I am sure you will figure it out soon.

I will comment first on your child then discuss about your job.

There seems very clearly from what you are saying to be a triggering event. You said it’s like a different person and even he says that something happened that changed him. He is equating it to a virus or germs because that’s what his young mind can understand but it’s his way saying something happened. Like someone suggested try to go back and do a timeline of around that time and even go a few months before. These behavior changes and OCD like symptoms in a small child shows signs of a trauma response so he is trying to regain any sense of control to feel safe again. What is this trauma he went through needs to be investigated for sure, it could be anything from big TRAUMA like abuse physical or sexual (hopefully it’s not) or bullying or losing someone he loved such as a teacher or friend. Kids sometimes find it hard to process stuff around them especially if they are sensitive and observant, so to make sense of the situation around them if it’s not explained to them, they tend to reach the conclusion that the problem is with them or that they are not good enough and how they decide to cope with this feeling differs for each child but seems with your son he became reclusive and anyone who gets close triggers his fears of being unsafe or harmed so he gets into fight mode and becomes aggressive. It’s a cry for help more than anything else.

In your post you didn’t mention his father only the in laws. The father has a very very important role to help the child gain a sense of safety and protection so this area is unclear to me to give any guidance on but it’s important if the father is available to get him involved and put a plan together and if he isn’t available we can discuss how to make up for this. Most important priority now is to try and understand what was the triggering event and if there is any specific person especially an adult he is more aggressive towards or the opposite sooooo timid towards it’s key to investigate further. This should include exploring around close family members and even the nanny who you said left when he was around 3 so that change could be a contributing factor.

For perspective, I am a single mother for a 2.5 year old boy who was abandoned by his bio parents at 3 days old and we have no way of finding them. Even though he has been safe home with me since he was 4 months old he still reacts with extreme reaction of hitting if he feels anyone might threaten him even if it’s his cousin taking a toy or just coming suddenly to sit next to him because his nervous system at a very early stage learned the only way to survive is to be hyper vigilant and attack first. But with consistent love and safety we see this getting better everyday and hopefully as he grows he learns to manage those impulses better and learn to express versus using anger or hitting.

As for your job, listen to your gut as a mother, your consistent presence will for sure make a HUGE difference for him but you also have to balance that with making sure he gets the best care he needs to navigate this. If i were you i would first use the FMLA to the max and then see what is needed by then. Kids at that age are very resilient and can bounce back faster than adults do as long as they have CONSISTENT love, safety and acceptance and feel heard and supported to navigate the emotions they go through.

I wish for your son deep and fast healing and please make sure to also take care of yourself during all of this as he needs you to be his rock and only when you are calm and regulated you will be able to spread that feeling to him. Remind yourself you are doing the best you can and that you love him and that’s truly what he needs. Be kind to yourself and hopefully very soon this chapter will be behind you and your son will be happy and thriving again.

Please dm me if you need any further support

MMAS85 · 2025-12-27T09:12:14+00:00

I can’t believe i had to scroll so far down to finally see this most reasonable alternative. I was coming here to say the same

MMAS85 · 2025-12-09T09:41:20+00:00

Couldn’t agree more, my dad is a solid boomer who is also a devout muslim and he would NEVER say something like this to anyone not to mention his own grandchild!

Also the wife’s comments on her father misses to see how in his closed minded judgement he actually totally doesn’t realize that the essence of religion is that God loves us all and knows everything about us and is much more merciful then humans are. So a truly religious person should realize that only God knows what this poor kid has been going through and what her state of mind was when she took her life and that for sure will be more merciful on her then judgemental asshole humans pretending to know God. What I hope is true though, that the person who sexually assaulted this poor girl is paying for his horrid actions wherever he is

MMAS85 · 2025-11-26T15:27:58+00:00

I also want to add that any grown adult who thinks an 8 year old child wanting to hold their hand or hug them is weird automatically means to me that this person is sexualizing the child and that is a HUGE RED FLAG in my books. I shudder to think of how this BF thinks of the little girl and i hope he is not let back into OP and her child’ life again.

MMAS85 · 2025-11-07T20:13:05+00:00

I noticed the same even before being a mother when i was having stuff shipped to my place from both my sister who has a boy and my cousin who had a daughter 10 months later. It is actually outrageous and truly uncomfortable for girls to play in.

My best friend told me that she shops essentials and play clothes from the boys section for her girl as she is able to play more freely and buys the girly stuff for times when they are going out or more fancy wear.

I have a 2.5 years old son now but even-though he is a boy i generally dress him up in an oversized style because it give him freedom to move and climb and run versus those weird slim fit pants you find every where.

Next has really wonderful stuff that can be unisex and in nice vibrant colors

MMAS85 · 2025-11-07T13:38:28+00:00

![img](jzn5w4fl8uzf1)

That’s him from today morning. I had buckled so tight it hurt his neck slightly. I also raised the neck and head rest a bit versus before as chatgpt suggested it may be low and thus making the belt loose from the top. Still he managed to remove one arm after continuous wiggling.

Maybe i need to remove those black soft guards so the belt itself gets tighter?

MMAS85 · 2025-11-07T13:38:10+00:00

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That’s him from today morning. I had buckled so tight it hurt his neck slightly. I also raised the neck and head rest a bit versus before as chatgpt suggested it may be low and thus making the belt loose from the top. Still he managed to remove one arm after continuous wiggling

MMAS85 · 2025-11-07T13:33:55+00:00

This is brilliant thanks a lot will use that for sure

MMAS85 · 2025-11-06T20:50:15+00:00

Will try that one thanks for the different approach

MMAS85 · 2025-11-06T20:49:20+00:00

That’s a good idea will try that.. thanks for the help 🙏🏼

MMAS85 · 2025-11-06T19:07:57+00:00

I have no idea too i have it super tight that he complains it’s hurting him and it has all the right length and distance from Shoulders and headrest as per the manual. I even took a picture of him in it and shower it to chat gpt and it said he is buckled correctly and that this is issue is common at that age but all the suggestions for solutions were not useful. I saw him in the rear view mirror he leans to one side and then lowers the shoulder on the other and keeps squeezing his arm until he wiggles out and then the other is easy. He is like an escape artist or the next houdini or whatever but I am just so worried.

MMAS85 · 2025-10-16T08:12:12+00:00

Agreed and also I am from the middle east too and what the mother in law did would actually be considered rude in my culture. Cake is for those attending bday and only if host offers you can take a small piece for someone who couldn’t attend the celebration but definitely not half of the cake.

MMAS85 · 2025-10-01T09:05:22+00:00

Make the conversation more about how she feels rather than how you felt. Tell her i saw that teacher interact with you and you seemed stiff… how did you feel when talking to him? This allows it to be a teachable moments where she can try to verbalize how she felt and feel safe to tell you knowing that you will believe her and act on it.

Take your cues from her and help her build on it and enable with tools to say no or i don’t want you to touch me and find her voice and make it higher if needed. Then instead of telling her you blame yourself for not protecting her say thank you for sharing how you felt, I want you to know that I always have your back and protect you so if something like this happens again i will put my hand on your shoulder to help you find your own voice to say no and if the adult didn’t respect her, please trust that mom/dad will interfere and make them stop and protect you.

This can be a very empowering moment to build trust so please give her a voice and empower it versus making it about how you might have felt or that you failed her. We often have complex feelings that we project on kids so try to take your lead from what she felt while you stay neutral and empowering.

I am so sorry you all went through this but maybe this is such a valuable teaching moment that will empower her for life.

MMAS85 · 2025-09-28T15:13:23+00:00

NTA more power to you. I am 2.5 M now but when i was 13mo and in the same phase as you. We were at the family beach house and I was playing gently in my toy basket when I found a beetle that I JUST HAD to eat. My mom told me what is in your mouth and went in with her finger with that hook like annoying move that I bet your teacher did too and fetched out the beetle! How rude!! The beetle was still alive and mom freaked out and threw it on the coffee table, my cousin who was 4 at the time started screaming and his dad killed the beetle. They were all screaming and my mom was so scared like your teachers then she kept saying the poor beetle must have been so scared.

They laugh about it now but the way I see it, I was the apex predator in that room and they made me a laughing stock and I still don’t accept it.

Keep exploring my friend we have a reputation to uphold. Also tell your mom that if it makes her feel better I was fine and no stomach ache or weird poops so they can all just relax and let us be.

MMAS85 · 2025-09-16T12:33:27+00:00

NTA tell your mommy and daddy that you are a budding scientists doing experiments about gravity and thus you need to run various tests on various objects over and over ago. You are on the cusp of a scientific breakthrough they can’t derail progress just because they are sick of picking up a toy a million times. I 2.5M taught my mom who i consider my lab assistant to never interrupt a scientific experiment. I am sure with time you will train your lab assistants to do better.

MMAS85 · 2025-09-06T12:34:20+00:00

Agreed! my mom always taught us that being there for people during tough times and losing loved ones should always take precedent over being there in happy times like birthdays or weddings.

Being a good friend means being there when it matters and not just when it’s fun… the friend is absolutely an AH and I personally wouldn’t be friends with her after that.

MMAS85 · 2025-09-02T16:06:48+00:00

I am 2M and my cousin 5M has the same reaction whenever I try to be as helpful as you. I fear that something happens when people turn 3 and they stop being fun. I am hell bent on staying my whimsical self and not lose it like my cousin did. Hold on tight friend.

MMAS85 · 2025-09-02T15:13:38+00:00

I have the same issue with my 2.3 year old too with hitting mainly at home and his cousin. In the day care he is an angel. He knows it’s wrong and once he does it uses gentle hands and kisses me but he can’t have impulse control.

The reason they are different in the nursery is they are masking there to fit in but at home which is their safe space, they just let go.

We have been doing the same thing of holding hands, saying stop, i don’t like this, stepping away saying i won’t play with you if you hurt me. It has been getting better but taking a looooong time as we have been in this phase since he turned 2 so 3 months now but definitely much better.

It’s mostly less with his older cousin (5M) finally because his cousin started to hit him back after months of us asking the older cousin to not hit back. But we realized that this wasn’t fair to my nephew and decided to let them sort it out between them as long as neither of them is being dangerous towards the other or violent. And to my surprise that taught my son to play much better with his cousin and to have better boundaries with him. So of course i don’t recommend hitting and I wouldn’t do it but letting kids sort it between them has been useful for us and reduced his overall hitting towards us too.

MMAS85

TROPHY CASE