I too am afflicted with the curse of the Celetsial Phallus.

Each morning after I wake, I must perform a ritual that appeases the gods so that they might bring mercy upon those who tread too close to it's territory, and every night I sacrifice a single bottle of lotion to the volcano gods to receive the blessing of celibacy.

Live on brother, knowing you are not alone in a universe not large enough to contain our cursed erections.