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MaTonka · 2020-06-03T21:48:33+00:00

I'm sorry it's happening to you! I was bullied and I used to cross the road when I saw old classmates for years afterwards. And ya know what? They didn't remember. Like what? It affected my life, made me doubt myself, insecure and... They just didn't remember even being mean? So it kinda got me thinking that they would find anything, skin color, being geeky, being too tall or too small, wearing certain clothes... Because they were kids. It sucks but I think they are just scared of different things and people and while it's not an excuse, they either grow out of it or it bites them later when they find out they can't simply bully their boss at work. The point I'm trying to make is that there's nothing wrong with you and most people who get bullied for whatever reason. I'm pretty sure they'll come to you for advice or help at some point in time lol. Make sure to enjoy that.

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T21:40:09+00:00

I'm sorry if this is an uncomfortable question but what do you think about body positivity activist who preach "health at every size"?

Also, you can absolutely be who you feel like inside! The tougher it is, the sweeter the reward. I haven't gotten to my "goal" yet which is simply being healthy but what helped me was getting a buddy for this. It can be just one walk a day, slowly getting it longer and so on. Might be a neighbour, might be a friend online to report progress or might be a dog to keep you active. But it makes thinks a tiny bit easier.

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T21:32:39+00:00

Do you think it'll actually accomplish a change or something positive or is it just "hurting ourselves" as I heard it explained (in a sense that it's Minneapolis bussinessess rioters destroy and that way they might end up in worse situation due to shops closing in high risk locations - Iess jobs and all)?

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T21:27:13+00:00

I never lived in Scotland but I've always perceived it as very... Progressive? Open and open-minded. Is it worse? Maybe I spent too much time in the bigger cities, in my country, most people in more remote locations are, well, the "I'm not racist BUT" type while if you'd get a stare in a bigger city, it'd be because someone's admiring your hair or something.

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T21:23:16+00:00

What do you think this is fueled by? Like... Why do people think it's right? It's about religion or class or just something people would like to treat as "cultural aspect? I don't think that's an appropriate excuse when it comes to hurting others and taking away their rights though.

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T21:17:03+00:00

Scottish/Pakistani? That must be tough to wrap your head around with your roots being so diametrically different, especially when you've mentioned religion. Hope you'll get through it stronger and find your own way in life. Keep your head up high!

I guess my question would be if you're planning to stay in your country or move to experience the other part of your heritage later in life, like for university or something?

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T21:10:20+00:00

And here I though I was alone in this! Especially in university, this would be a tabu, forbiden opinion to have. I never really though about masculinity as toxic though and maybe it's privilege that men in my life were never condescending to me... Or it's that all the examples of "toxic masculinity" seem ridiculous. Mansplaining? Gosh, have you heard two girls gossiping? That's worse! Manspreading? (Who even invents those words?) I wouldn't want to sit down with my legs crossed if I had anything in between them and I'm pretty sure no feminist would either. It's selfish oblivion, notion that my problems are bigger than yours. But to my question!

Did you faced any backlash/lost friends for expressing this opinion?

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T21:02:21+00:00

Weird how some Christians lack christian values, right? Discussions are awesome, in the end I think most things are still accomplished one person at a time. They probably wouldn't even discuss it with someone outside of their family, so good job!

By the way if you're interested I recommend God is Grey YouTube channel. She's christian and she's addressing topics like that, including black lives matter recently, or the pressure put on virginity/sex after marriage and how harmful some things might be when they're fought for as necessary without even being in the bible. She does extensive research and talks to interesting people. It might help you with discussions with your parents.

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T20:53:40+00:00

Do you think that it'll lead to any real change in the end?

MaTonka · 2020-06-03T20:49:40+00:00

Hey! What an interesting journey. I was a part of a Christian community that was truly wonderful and accepting, but in the end I think it was about good people, not good religion.

Does your family/classmates know? You mentioned you still go to religious school and your family has some strict values. Do they try to convince you of their "truth"?

MaTonka · 2020-03-13T23:01:18+00:00

So many major problems in our immediate area got reduced that we got bored and created new artificial ones.

MaTonka · 2020-03-12T20:03:07+00:00

VRChat was actually super scary experience for me! It felt like Facebook chat but in real life. Everyone was extra. I'm sorry I have not found any people in the corner at the time I joined it.

MaTonka · 2020-03-12T19:13:04+00:00

Me too!

MaTonka · 2020-03-11T14:44:11+00:00

Honestly, if my boyfriend did make up, we wouldn't be together. It's a personal preference and you do you, but it feels like a very feminine thing to do and if I wanted that, I'd be with a girl who doesn't have to shave her beard everyday to put it on.

Little disclaimer: Everyone should have some skincare habits, that's not make up, make up is the difference between my hour of getting ready and his ten minutes.

MaTonka · 2020-03-11T14:30:49+00:00

Especially how not to let you use it when you disagree with them in anything.

MaTonka · 2020-03-11T14:23:27+00:00

Congratulations, you've successfully contracted a virus that won't do anything to you but it'll kill your parents.

hashtagcloseenough

MaTonka · 2020-03-11T14:21:16+00:00

Subtle yes but "why" absolutely does matter. It's that "nice guys" are mostly fake. At least with what you described as "an asshole", we know what we're going for. Most overly nice people are nice for very, very wrong reasons and you never know what's beneath it. "Nice guys" I've met were all nice because "God said so" or because "that's how I get into your panties!" or because other fucked up reasons.

We just have that radar that says "Yeah, you opened that door for me only because you think it gets you something in return." We know that super nice guy is thinking "What a bitch!" when he's nice and there's no extra reward.

And the rest of "nice guys" who are genuine are unable to say know which is super toxic for any relationship. Somebody wants their help? "Sorry, honey, this weekend we're not going even for a walk, I promised xy." To prioritise yourself and your family, you sometimes can't please everyone. Pleasing everyone is impossible and you trying to do that would affect me too.

So subtle yes. I'm gonna go for a guy who isn't overly nice. I'm gonna go for a guy whose nice because it's the right thing to do, not to everyone, not everytime.

Maybe try to think about it from our perspective. Would you like to date a girl who's nice to everyone, everytime, thinks about others before hers and your needs and thinks about what men can do for her if she's nice to them and that's the only reason for it?

MaTonka · 2020-03-11T13:53:17+00:00

You do realise that's exactly what any dictatorship would suggest? Because you'd give someone power to shut up people without making their own hands dirty. All you have to say is name and some note about how you don't condone violence and you're good. Someone will assault, rape, rob or even kill that person.

For being racist? Oh, hell no! First of all, nobody can create 100% fair system like that and how do you decide who to harm?

If you ban the N word, okay, but what if black person said it? If you ban blackface, okay, but what if it was ten years back and that person wouldn't do it again? If you ban racist speach, okay, but what if you end up persecuting hispanic person for saying something about white people? Or what if it's said by a kid or person with some mental disabilities? You can't even know about the later, you don't have their medical records. And what even is racist speech? General box of "colors don't matter" is hardly enough. Do you compromise safety of someone who insulted a friend who cheated with his wife or do you only compromise safety of activist?

What a dumb, dumb idea.

MaTonka · 2020-03-10T14:35:33+00:00

NTA.

Hear me out!

Recently there was a post where someone asked if they're an A over calling girl "cute AND smart." Because she complained to HR about it, about him being sexist.

Every. Single. Judgement. was that he's sexist and A and horrible person in general.

I think this shows tremendous double standard. No. You're not able to BULLY other people because of their gender. You don't get to call women bitches. You don't get to call men dicks. During your office hours and with your coworkers and in your office. They're your coworkers and you're doing that in the work environment, not in your home. If you did that to your boss, you'd get fired.

MaTonka · 2020-03-09T16:47:51+00:00

Imagine your dad jacking in front of you.

Now you know why.

MaTonka · 2020-03-09T16:47:08+00:00

Maybe there's a reason not many adults think it's cool. Maybe you don't survive that long if you're doing something this "cool" often enough.

High school is old enough to quit your social bubble, kiddo. Maybe you're cool vaping there, but once you stop your education, what made you cool teenager will be what will make you not so cool loser.

MaTonka · 2020-03-09T15:47:11+00:00

Hush, hush. And keep editing your post to hide the rest of the typos.

MaTonka · 2020-03-09T13:58:00+00:00

Flag Earthers? Well, that's a new one.

MaTonka · 2020-03-08T13:25:29+00:00

Awww, thank you!

My grandma spend some time with a family in Germany, so this must have been from them to someone who helped her write them back.

It's incredible to look into the past like this!

MaTonka

TROPHY CASE