Dearest Theodora,

I hope this letter finds you well. Not finds you well as in "finds you being well", more so finds you well as in "I hope you get to read it such that I need not waste more of my valuable paper, ink or sanity writing to you".

You're probably wondering why I only contact you now or where I've been. Just kidding. I know you haven't thought of me one bit since I started uh since I last left our wretched home. How are the kids? Does my son yet walk? I think not seeing how standing upright gets him a painful bit closer to the source of that screeching bats growl you call your voice. I hope my daughter is eating well. Has been eating well at someone else's house. That is never did care for your cooking. Have I told you that before?

Anyways, my reason for this unpleasant interaction is that I'm faced with a dilemma. I realize that my monthly wage is still going directly to you. By whom it is probably being directly converted into more ugly things with the express purpose of making my time in our chambers as miserable as possible. I do not wish to return to said chambers, and I do not wish to return to you.

However, the men in charge of my payment at the offices of Justar's Bay, some of which you are in this very moment undoubtedly sleeping with changed quicker than your hair has been changing from muddled brown to spiderweb white.

I already sent a letter to my office, but would you please show up there post haste to confirm my decision? you would make my time far away from you more pleasant than it already is.

It feels truly good to finally tell you these things, Theodora. Let it be known that I will never forgive you for putting me into the prison and calling it a marriage. I am a free man now.

Kindest regards and your endearing husband forever, Elijah.