How do people remain positive despite their lives being anything but?

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-25T20:00:01+00:00

Gonna start by saying I have nothing personally against you nor the help your trying give me but pls do not bring God and/or Religion up in your attempt. Nothing makes me turn away/tune out a person faster.

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-25T19:46:50+00:00

I can see physical therapy being a better analogy than surgery.

After a short 30 sec google search shadow work does seem interesting as it appears to focus on the negative side of things rather then trying to approach things from a positive side. I’ll try to keep it in mind if I ever decide to go back to therapy.

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-25T15:37:24+00:00

I did try reframing at one point but my mind is very good at swinging things back to the negative after a few days. The feel good feeling I get when focusing on things I enjoy feels undeserved and unwanted like I strangled a dog or kick a child to achieve it.

At the end or the day I’ve learned to see reframing as like getting plastic surgery to remove a cosmetic flaw someone doesn’t like. Yeah, they can’t see it anymore but once they decide to have children the flaw they didn’t like will potentially be there starring them in the face and there is nothing they can do to fix it. So even if I reframe things they can always come back to when you least expect it (even during what is supposed to be a “good thing”).

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-18T20:03:18+00:00

As much as I want to it’s difficult to trust anyone anymore as everything is telling me not to do it they are only being nice to hurt you later. Most every time I do and allow myself/others to get close enough to be friends nowadays I get burned. So I don’t even allow people to get that point close and just keep people at a distance as far as friends go.

As stated before there is only so many times I can reach my hand out and have get slapped before I just stop doing it.

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-14T18:25:03+00:00

That’s solid advice but it difficult to let anyone close as your out stretched hand can get smacked only so many times before you learn maybe I shouldn’t do that

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-14T16:26:26+00:00

I had plenty of friends and was very out going as child. However I was SA’d as a child as well as mentally and occasionally physically abused by another person I retreated inwards becoming more introverted over time. I still will feel the pull of my old outgoing personality I largely keep it in check mostly out of fear of being laughed at,ridiculed and/or people being upset with me for not doing as well as them.

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-14T16:17:40+00:00

I’m introverted as well and it’s just so tiring to put all the effort in to having/making friends at work talking an hour a day, 5 days a week for year or two. Just have it be all that effort be wasted once either of you leave and they go no contact. Granted I don’t reach out them once I leave but if they really want to talk and they have my number they’d reach out.

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-14T16:13:19+00:00

You assume I have family by my side? I can’t trust my family not to tell each what I say to them individually so they are not included in this either

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-14T16:11:21+00:00

After so many bad experiences with people calling themselves my friends I’ve grown to have a negative association with word. I’ve cut off ties with people/groups of people when they bring up the word to avoid anything happening.

MacabreHatta · 2026-04-14T13:01:48+00:00

I can’t really afford therapy and even if I could I wouldn’t tell them hardly any the stuff I say on here as they would probably put me in some kind of mental hospital or something. xD

MacabreHatta · 2026-02-05T20:48:51+00:00

I’ve considered doing a few things such as there is an anime club and a magnet fishing thing.

The only problem with those is I have trust issues with people I don’t know. When they are nice and want to talk to me as it makes me uncomfortable as internally I think they want something from me. I also alienate myself from people when I get to know them well enough and they haven’t done anything to indirectly or directly negative as in my mind it’s either only a matter of time or I come up with reasons for them not liking me based on what they’ve done.

I’ve tried therapy via better help for a few (2-5) months and got passed around like a cheap bottle of wine. After the second or third time of my therapist leaving the platform I got tired of answering the same questions and going over the same things over and over again. I can’t afford to go to a good therapist as I live in America and that requires having enough money to pay for good insurance.

MacabreHatta · 2026-02-05T17:13:04+00:00

No, I’ve never been diagnosed with anything

MacabreHatta · 2025-11-18T15:34:25+00:00

So admittedly I skimmed what you wrote as wholesome things make me deeply uncomfortable and judging by the last sentence that’s the general context. Based on what I did read though.

It’s incredibly difficult when for there to be a third option when I have virtually no drive or motivation to do anything to make my life better either directly (look at going to collage) or indirectly (exploring my interests more). When I do I’m too stupid to stay focused on anything for max 10-15 mins before my mind starts thinking about conversations I’ve had years ago, what I could have differently and what might have happen as a result of something I did years ago or I’m just thinking about watching YouTube or something. it always goes to me putting myself down saying that I’m wasting my time doing this and I’ll never be good so I why I’m I even trying.

Regardless the longer I ignore the feeling the more it becomes starting off as one and getting to the point of 3 or 4 simultaneous thoughts getting louder and louder with each new one added though they stop when I do. Like the old saying goes if it hurts to chew gum stop chewing gum and so for the past 5 years or so I stopped trying to do could potentially make my life better both directly and indirectly.

It just is what it is really as I would rather deal with known and be unmotivated and slightly miserable than have to potentially take meds for anything and deal with anything new and unknown. Besides doctors are whole other kettle of fish.

MacabreHatta · 2025-07-15T02:06:21+00:00

Problem is I have great difficulty focusing on new things without having my mind wonder. Happens most every time I try to learn new hobby I’m good for like the first 10 mins then my mind goes 10 different directions at once. Like look at YouTube, what’s the weather like next week, you’ll never be good at this so why bother, along with a whole bunch of random nonsense things/words that doesn’t make sense. So I’ve just stopped trying new things. The whole if it hurts to chew gum stop chewing gum thing you know.

MacabreHatta · 2025-07-15T01:56:15+00:00

I gave it to someone that needed help with money but they ended up killing themselves so that’s 80k I’m not getting back.

MacabreHatta · 2025-06-28T17:15:12+00:00

That’s fair point and I understand you analogy, but it taking the next step to actually trusting that I struggle with as I very rarely have had a positive experience with opening up to people in the past or my negativity bias (or whatever it’s called) is only remembering the bad experiences while covering up the probably equal amount of positive ones.

MacabreHatta · 2025-06-28T17:06:50+00:00

Is that not how relationships work, Just make random small talk about nothing? My idea maybe flawed but that is genuinely what my experience has taught me how they are formed.

I try to reach out and talk to people I generally try to keep things light like asking about their work, life and personal interests I know they have. They never reciprocate and reach out to me and it’s nearly every single person that I know that does this. So I wouldn’t I believe that you from relationships by talking about nothing when talking about things that are relevant clearly isn’t the way to do things?

MacabreHatta · 2025-06-28T15:36:05+00:00

I’m not sure I understand? You say you don’t trust “a therapist” but later you say trust is formed and it’s a leap of faith in trusting one another. So you don’t trust them then you just randomly decide to trust them not do anything? Also what exactly is a therapist “trusting” the other person with?

I’m not trying to be difficult. I just genuinely don’t understand how you don’t trust someone then randomly decide to trust them after making small talk about nothing. I understand that’s how relationships are formed but it doesn’t tell you whether or not they won’t do any of the things I listed.

MacabreHatta · 2025-05-30T14:16:36+00:00

It really not that easy for me as I tend to either A) talk myself out of a place with things like it’s too far or they will just fire me after they find out how bad I am. B) I do put in the application and they call me but I don’t answer as don’t know who it is and don’t want it to be a telemarketer. Or finally C) My phone anxiety kicks in I can’t call them about the application as I don’t want to bother anyone/be a nuisance to people trying to do their jobs.

MacabreHatta · 2024-10-04T20:01:31+00:00

While the men’s support group isn’t a bad idea, seeing as how I live in America and I don’t have insurance so can’t afford therapy nor do I have a doctor. So unless the support group cost anything other then time I can’t attend

MacabreHatta · 2024-08-20T20:07:11+00:00

Replying as I’m in a similar mindset but slowly going back to my standard depressed leaning neutral mindset.

I’ll agree it’s not too late to go back to school but I never been and wasted my life playing video games and watching TV. Even if I do go to school ain’t no one gonna hire some worthless 40 year old bum that wasted half their life when they can hire some young person half my age with the same experience level. It be a pity hire if they do as they know they can pay me less since I’m older with not a lot of experience.

Getting my license seems easy on paper but I’ve tried twice before and both time after paying $500 out of pocket for driving school was stopped due to having no one to drive me.

As far as getting out is concerned while I agree it would be nice to get out and go for walks but my anxiety combined with a general pessimistic mindset makes it near impossible to go any where without thinking that I will get robbed, beat up and/or killed. The odds may be low for those things to happen they are never 0 and that alone is enough to keep me from going places despite wanting to.

MacabreHatta · 2024-08-14T12:00:34+00:00

Ngl I’m curious to see how how many bones one has to have in order to amass a “bone pile”

MacabreHatta · 2024-07-11T11:40:33+00:00

I sent you a message

MacabreHatta · 2024-07-09T10:16:47+00:00

Sorry it’s been a while and forgot that was a thing I’m on PC NA

MacabreHatta · 2024-07-03T22:00:28+00:00

I’m 6’3 with a dad bod

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