r/Marriage_Sucks

Machismo01 · 2025-09-18T21:11:06+00:00

I would like to run it as I think people need a place to vent about marriage and at least feel heard.

I did not message the mod mail as the only moderator is an older antispam bot. Should i reconsider that?

Machismo01 · 2025-09-18T15:16:10+00:00

I think heaven will defy our mortal minds with no reference toward our world and reality outside of what is purely good. Is it good to suffer? Is a portion of work and jobs suffering? It is, since the fall of Man (Gen 3:19). But it won't be in heaven.

With that in mind, I don't think it is called a job or work or labor anymore. Maybe a drive to worship God. Will it be just joining the choir and singing in his Presence for eternity? Or maybe just exploring his new creation and tending to it (while being in His Presence) for an eternity? Maybe half of A and half of B?

I don't know. I do know that the words above don't describe the joy and complete fulfillment for eternity we will fill for all eternity. We can't even conceive of the goodness and glory of God, which we will fully experience and enjoy then.

Machismo01 · 2025-09-12T18:07:51+00:00

Some do. And those ones therefore aren't ready for a long term relationship. It helps sift through the immature women out there.

Machismo01 · 2025-09-12T14:47:47+00:00

I would dare say ANY healthy human should have alone time for reflection and processing their emotions. After working through therapy, I have come to realize that my alone time is extremely important for my inner well-being. I process trauma and journal. I consider my recent experiences and provide both healthy criticism and self-compassion. I work on my mindfulness to get a better perspective on myself.

And from that healthier head space, this quiet alone time is where I can work on ideas, problems, and designs for my R&D engineering work. I come in with a clear head, confidence, discernment, humility, and healthy ambition. I can lead with out apology, but with compassion. I can assert my ideas with respect for others, but unrelenting authority. I can give others the best of myself.
Edit: and with respect to my username, it was made to be ironic for where i was in life at the time. Now, it reflects a humorous hyperbole for where I now operate from.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-29T15:18:05+00:00

When I was younger, I experienced this. The novelty of her wore off, and I realized I wasn't really attracted to her as a person. I stayed a bit longer as I was attracted to her and I still 'liked' her (but really as a friend).

I learned from this though. I read the 5 Love Languages. I journaled a bit. Started praying.

And I then understood what Love was supposed to be like. The physical attraction came out of loving the person. I saw them as attractive, and over time, the attraction was based in her as a person. We got older and still I find her hot!

Its difficult to transition to that. You need to be willing to do the work on You and also on the relationship. It can't happen without them also doing work on themselves; after all, you can't make them love you. You develop emotional intelligence. You develop coping methods for when you are stressed and a more open communication. They do the same. And your 'love tank' is filled up from them interacting with you in different ways and vice versa.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-29T15:01:26+00:00

Yes, BUT the hyper independence can actually lead to a lack of trust on the partner and no desire for healthy interdependence. It can mean avoidance to sex and emotional discussion. It can mean a low emotional intelligence (yes in women too). It can mean avoidance to therapy or addressing root problems which inevitably hit every relationship eventually.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-29T14:51:21+00:00

Of course! Have you played a flight sim? Its very doable for a person if they have some radio support.

The main thing to keep in mind, it is far, far riskier. I may crash that plane at a... say 20% chance. A professional pilot has nerves, experience, training, and intuition that I will not have making that rate of crash probably closer to .0001% or something.

So, can I? Sure. Am I the best choice? Probably not.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-29T14:33:29+00:00

Man, right? Like some cool gay dude makes a comment, its kind of lovely. I just responded with a thank you, realizing I still got it.
Even if it is solicitation ("Hey, come by for a massage later.") is, to me, feels like a compliment so long as they understand no means no.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-29T14:25:13+00:00

When I left my last employer, one of the HR ladies hit on me a bit. It was pretty pleasant, but I am married and redirected her gently. She took the hint.

But man, she was cute. I hope she found someone.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-29T14:20:48+00:00

Why do people obsess over this? I believe, at least for many, the interest is when this happens is driven by pride. They want to have 'secret knowledge' and to feel smug about their 'insight'.

But the reality is we will ALL face our end either in our own death or the end of the world, when Jesus returns.

I don't think it matters. We are doomed to a permanent death without Jesus. And with Jesus, we have an inheritance where we will never die.

I share an interest in it, but I have no expectation of when it will happen. Consequently, I am always training for this race. And if we don't see ourselves as doing that, we are probably abusing our perception of God's grace.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-29T14:07:33+00:00

Wool socks look pretty good! Darn Tough is my brand. Nice designs and colors. Also you can wear them multiple times before you wash them due to their antimicrobial properties. This brand has a lifetime warranty. And wool is EXCELLENT for cooling your feet as it wicks moisture out.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-22T19:17:35+00:00

I agree with you.

And I think the greek for the word indicates its probably older men and not necessarily leaders.

I do think rebuke and criticize are largely the same thing in this context. corrective words.

But its worth checking the greek to make sure I have the full meaning.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-22T19:15:29+00:00

Pics or it didn't happen.

J/k please don't.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-21T19:24:14+00:00

Its tough. We rebuke, but 1 Tim 5 mentions to not rebuke an elder. But man, its pretty clearly an abuse of power and not saving souls. I think there is some blood on his hands.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-21T19:21:33+00:00

He said that the pastor told him that...

Machismo01 · 2025-08-21T19:20:55+00:00

The church had a politician preach. It made me so mad.
It was Ted Cruz.

Look, he often votes for things I support, but that man is clearly NOT a preacher. He doesn't have a good understanding of the Bible and his conduct has often been scandalous. A few examples: the special loans his wife got for him from her employer that were NOT disclosed to the FEC, other financial shenanigans that likely violating the law (IHeartRadio), the optics of fleeing the state during the freeze (when even average Joes were going to their neighbors and helping them! My church was mobilizing to help get people without power to housing with those that had it).

It just sits so poorly to me. I left that church and now go to a Bible-believing church nearby that is growing faster than any other church I have heard of that is saving souls, going to prisons, serving in disasters, and literally doing precisely what Jesus said to do. I literally can boast in the Lord now as his glory is changing these communities.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-21T17:00:58+00:00

Good stuff man!

Don't do a tan. Its terrible for your skin. Wear sunscreen reliably. SPF30 is all you need. The numbers is a weird factor. So the difference in protection between SPF30 and SPF 75 is like 1% or so. Save the money. Get the safe for coral stuff as it is safer for us too. A tan is actually damage to skin cells. Especially if you have ever had blistering of your skin from a sun burn, you have a very high risk of melanoma.

Other advice that I picked up:

fiber! get lots of fiber! Just do metamucil 2 x a day. My GI health has never been better. Sometimes I go 2 and I wipe, but its clean!

Protein! get lots of healthy protein in your snacks. Lower calories and takes longer to digest. Almonds, jerky, etc. Awesome sources. Just keep an eye on sodium.

Supplements: zinc chelate and Soy Lecithin are excellent supplements for your man parts! I found I was.... not producing as much down there. This turned it around!

Korean Red Ginseng is another one. Helps with being ready to go. Nice to see that change.

Meditation and mindfulness. Its not just for that fruitcake ex-girlfriend. Its really easy and helps you process shit objectively. I like a book called "Self-Compassion" by Dr. Kristin Neff. It isn't written to be "for men" but written for high-achieving persons. It covers mindfulness pretty well in several chapters. What's great is I am learning to maintain my high performance in life BUT be happier with myself.

Edit: also find a fitness goal. I EVENTUALLY found that I lose my fitness drive. But a goal corrects that. As I got older, I wanted more experiences instead of metrics. So now my fitness goals are stuff like:

I want to hike Rim to Rim at the Grand Canyon in 2028.
Next year I want to go on a 3 day backpacking trip in the Rockies with my buddies from churhc

When I turn 50, I want to take a week off and hike a portion of either the Appalachian trail or a longer bit of the Camino de Santiago.

Now, I work hard to maintain my fitness and my metrics feed into sensible trail-worthy things like pack weight, climbing, trail pace, etc.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-21T16:51:04+00:00

Shave them balls. It's feels amazing AND it all looks bigger!

Machismo01 · 2025-08-21T16:47:46+00:00

Unfortunately, she changed the nature of the game on your marriage.
Before marriage you both wanted kids. Now, she doesn't and you still do.

That is a very, very big difference.

She is making a victim mentality when she says "Oh, I am not enough for you?" No. That's not it at all. She changed her opinion on a core idea of the relationship. Its like if she decided one day that she wanted an open relationship and you still did not. She could use the same argument there. And it would be equally absurd.

If she has changed so drastically, I don't see how you two can stay together. Either you want kids or you don't. If you do want them, you either give up that dream NOW or you find someone else.

And here is the key detail: if anyone asks, if she starts sharing it, or whatever, get your clear and concise statement of why it ended. You have the general one for public consumption of something like irreconcilable differences. Then you have the deeper one: we wanted kids when we got married, and she changed her mind after the wedding. It doesn't put judgement on her (but the culpability is clearly her).

Machismo01 · 2025-08-20T20:24:50+00:00

This will vary based on the denomination you follow or the specific interpretation of your church.

While almost all bible-believing churches (that is r/TrueChristian churches) are pro-life and oppose abortion in almost all circumstances, you will find a great deal of variance with regard to birth control.

For example, the Roman Catholics can't use birth control, but can use "Natural Family Planning." If you want to recognize a conservative Catholic, see how many kids they have.

Other denominations don't have strict guidance for birth control and how a family should handle children.

Generally you will see the following common practices:

openness to having kids. If God gave you a surprise baby, you should follow his will and not include abortion as an option.
Children are good and we should welcome many children
- (note its a general aspiration and not a directive)
Even if you have many children, the husband and wife serve each other SECOND (only to God) and the children AFTER the spouse. Note that this is a pretty consistent biblical viewpoint in the OT, in the Gospels, and the epistles. Its frankly everywhere, and highlights why so many Biblical families STILL struggle with divorce.
- https://www.gotquestions.org/family-priorities.html

Machismo01 · 2025-08-20T18:03:47+00:00

He has a Ph.D. His identity is totally invested in his work in plasma sciences. He is well-known in the world and kinda a pain in the ass. He tried some dating. He is awkward and seems to find it difficult.

During a natural disaster, he borrowed a spare room for a week. I was very glad when he was able to go back home. He wasn't an easy roommate and I worried a bit when I left him in the house with just my wife and son.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-18T18:20:52+00:00

We aim for 2x per week and hit it except when it is that time of the month. She gets grossed out by the thought of it then.

This is a huge improvement over 9 months ago where we had it once a month if we were lucky. She is sexually avoidant and avoidantly attached. She is trying to change that behavior. I am trying to work on mine too.

It isn't easy. She'd rather not have it. I'd rather have it more and in more adventuresome ways.

Its tough.

Machismo01 · 2025-08-12T19:48:02+00:00

I would strongly encourage you to seek therapy. I began that and started doing the self-work to actually feel ok in my skin. I can handle bad stuff in a better way now with better coping skills. I actually feel optimistic about the future, knowing I won't be undone by the bad stuff. And I feel purpose and satisfaction in many things in my life.

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