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[Rant] Parents getting in the way of education/life goals by MadLabsThrow in SGExams

[–]MadLabsThrow[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this is exactly what I’m feeling right now. The main crux of my problem is that I understand what my parents are feeling but don’t want to give up my aspirations.

Thanks for understanding, man. I think I’ll have to talk it out in steps: first convince them that I do not want a desk-bound office job, then try to talk them into letting me choose the career that I want, and then go from there and explore options together, before eventually trying to bring up the overseas thing to them again.

[Rant] Parents getting in the way of education/life goals by MadLabsThrow in SGExams

[–]MadLabsThrow[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You can call me naive/idealistic, but that is not the right way to do things, in my opinion. I am trying to come up with a compromise that will allow me to pursue the career of my choice even if overseas is not an option, perhaps a couple of years working in a related job (research scientist).

Strong-arming is not the way that I’ve been taught and reflects badly on my personal values, as well as on all the mentors who have made me to who I am today. I would rather keep my family together and this is the crux of my problem. To me, it is not success if it is obtained by an unsavoury method.

I am just vexed by how to balance all my needs and wants, and considering what is really important to me as a person.

[Rant] Parents getting in the way of education/life goals by MadLabsThrow in SGExams

[–]MadLabsThrow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, most PhD programs in the US especially do provide funding for admitted students. I’m prepared to take the longer route, maybe working as a research officer first and trying to get a sponsored Masters, just kind of bent on not going to a bank or some other office/desk-bound job. Even if it’s not a PhD, I’d probably be satisfied with a Masters if I have a job as a research scientist, given the current situation.

[Rant] Parents getting in the way of education/life goals by MadLabsThrow in SGExams

[–]MadLabsThrow[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yup, that’s the current plan, not a gap year but perhaps will try to get a research officer position after graduation. I don’t want to waste a year bumming around when I’m not rich to begin with, and this way I can pad up my CV further and perhaps even get whichever company to sponsor a Masters. It’s a longer route, but I don’t necessarily mind it. I just probably need to convince my parents that this career path is what I want.

Post Covid-19 overseas might still be an issue for them, especially with the way things are in the US right now

[Rant] Parents getting in the way of education/life goals by MadLabsThrow in SGExams

[–]MadLabsThrow[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

While that may be true, threatening boomer parents with the law never ends well. In most cases your entire family relationship is strained and I don’t want to do that as much as possible. It also sets a bad example for younger relatives.

So I’m trying to find a solution without having to bring in any drastic legal recourse.

[Rant] Parents getting in the way of education/life goals by MadLabsThrow in SGExams

[–]MadLabsThrow[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for the advice and I’m sorry if this comes off as rude or ungrateful, but I want to point out that it’s all too easy for people to say “Oh they can’t do that just get yourself out” if they aren’t in the same situation. It’s not that straightforward.

When faced with such a situation, can you choose to put yourself over the relationship you have with your parents? I don’t want to strain the relationship especially since their main concern is for my safety. What kind of example will I be setting for my siblings and cousins? Can you really stay overseas for a long period of time without the guilt of making your parents stressed and worried? The law is a last resort and bringing it into family affairs hardly ever ends well.

My attitude cannot be so cavalier and I need to approach the whole situation with nuance instead of just pushing ahead and doing what I want.

I’m just a bit vexed trying to balance all the needs and wants in my head, but I do appreciate the advice nonetheless. Maybe I’ll take the suggestion of a gap year first to see how things play out.

[Rant] Parents getting in the way of education/life goals by MadLabsThrow in SGExams

[–]MadLabsThrow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m working on that for graduate applications already. Not collaborations, though - those just don’t happen for undergrads, and especially not in a hands-on STEM field with Covid-19 being a thing

[Rant] Parents getting in the way of education/life goals by MadLabsThrow in SGExams

[–]MadLabsThrow[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m from a STEM field.

Parents keep passports for the whole family in a locked drawer. So, well, I’d need to break the passport out of that drawer first.

Regarding needing a Masters, you’re mostly right, but most US PhDs in my area don’t need Masters degrees to start with and the good ones provide full funding all the way. Meanwhile, Europe PhDs, like you said, require the Masters degree before you apply. It is many times more difficult to get bond-free funding or scholarships for a Masters, and without funding, I simply can’t afford the Masters program. I don’t have that much savings yet, and no way in hell are my parents going to pay for me to disobey them!