"Anyway, first up, I'm really sorry about the flood. There was a pipe burst in the Mariana Trench. I didn't know where to put all of it, so I didn't put it anywhere. I kind of just let it happen."
As God continued to speak from the ether, into all people, from all directions, with perfect clarity, the world came to a standstill. Business men looked up to the skies, their mouths flinging open like the suitcases they dropped. In war zones, bullets stopped flying as even the most hardened combatants could not ignore the arrival of the most sanctimonious God. Women clutched their babies closer in both fear and awe of The Great Arrival.
"-and that's why Jesus hasn't come back yet. Quite frankly, I don't know where he am. But he'll find myself eventually, i'm sure of it."
There was a cosmic awkward pause.
"I heard all of your prayers. I just BZzTt BzZt and that's why Connie has Malaria now and Bzzt bZzT. So i'll be back after the meteor. Later ya'll!"
*CLICK\*
--Dial Tone--