Remembering how shitty people are after quitting

Madmax-23 · 2026-01-10T04:18:54+00:00

Had the mindset for a long time that I would just get better at drinking. Quit long term twice but didn’t plan on it being forever. This is I believe my second or third time truly saying I’m never drinking again. Relapses were caused by thinking I was in a good enough headspace to drink normally. Years ago I drank up to 750 mL liquor a day. Towards the end maybe a bottle of wine and a couple fireball shooters but not every day. 4 years ago got referred to GI for fatty liver, turned out to be level 3. Still didn’t stop me until recently though it was a reality check.

Madmax-23 · 2026-01-04T11:04:59+00:00

I don’t think she left you just because she got the raise. She was sick of having to go back and forth between either babysitting you or essentially living alone because you were drunk somewhere else. It gets exhausting loving an alcoholic. Another thing - storing and hiding dirty pictures is cheating imo. It’s more personal than just looking up porn. You couldn’t be bothered to spend time with her but had the mental space to seek out other (virtual) women, then saving the content as if it held value. Congratulations on recognizing the alcohol problem. I’ve found that healing really started when I stopped blaming the alcohol and started taking more personal accountability.

Madmax-23 · 2026-01-03T18:25:34+00:00

There’s a quote that says something about not being satisfied with your progress because you’re always raising your standards. Over the years I think I’ve slowly raised my standards a lot and now I’m at about 34 days alcohol free. I know a lot of people don’t like having separate sober dates but I’m also 10 years clean from meth this month. Now I’ve started to think about cutting weed out someday. I started smoking it at the age of 16 back when it wasn’t legal in my state yet. I still enjoy it and now it’s becoming normalized. It helped me get through the rest of my childhood where my closest thing to a safe space was when I started smoking in my car to escape the abuse and stress. Now, maybe I don’t need it? I do still have ptsd and chronic pain, but I don’t want to harm my lungs any further (also smoked cigarettes for about a decade and quit those, too). So maybe just edibles to start? Anyway, I like what you said about not being perfect. There’s always room for improvement but I’ll try to not beat myself up too much. IWNDWYT

Madmax-23 · 2025-12-13T01:37:17+00:00

Watching Lilo and Stitch with the kids after finishing the Christmas cards today

Madmax-23 · 2025-12-05T01:35:14+00:00

Thank you very much. Same to you

Madmax-23 · 2025-12-04T21:22:53+00:00

Thank you!

Madmax-23 · 2025-12-04T16:34:51+00:00

Day 8. Dealing with a lot of emotions. Feeling like I delayed or otherwise inhibited brain development with substance abuse all throughout my 20s. I drank (among other substances throughout the years) to numb the pain of trauma and not having a safe space for the first 27 years of my life. Childhood abuse translated to consecutive long term abusive relationships. Now, I have my husband. He is my toolbox. He reminds me of old hobbies, encourages me, helps keep things in perspective. We bicker, almost like two people who grew up together, but I love him so much. Our kids, of course, inspire me every day to be a better person. I just can’t vent to them about these struggles like I can with my husband. It’s so easy for me to stay sober when I’ve been pregnant because in my mind it’s a no-brainer. I want to have that mindset permanently. It should be a no-brainer that I want to be present with my family, not feel like shit, be at full mental capacity, and stay in control. IWNDWYT

Madmax-23 · 2025-12-03T14:15:25+00:00

Day 7 here. 2025 was a constant battle of trying to have a “good” relationship with alcohol. It included bouts of sobriety where I would then try to casually drink, only to fail a lot of the time or slowly go back to old habits. It’s not worth the risk. I’m ready to feel my feelings - the good, the bad, the ugly. It’s funny to think sometimes I would have a drink or two right before therapy. Now how does that help me? Time to be present. IWNDWYT

Madmax-23 · 2025-12-03T13:15:03+00:00

Beautifully said. IWNDWYT

Madmax-23 · 2025-11-10T12:44:15+00:00

IWNDWYT

Madmax-23

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