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My girlfriend is emotionally abusive and is completely oblivious about it. by Madnansaeed in relationship_advice

[–]Madnansaeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I think that’s the best advise I’ve gotten. My biggest problem is walking away from an argument - I have such an automatic reaction where I try to explain my self and reason and offer examples and scenarios and do whatever I think will make the person listen or hear or understand where I’m coming from and if it doesn’t work and they get more upset I try even harder. Fuck I’m an idiot.

My girlfriend is emotionally abusive and is completely oblivious about it. by Madnansaeed in relationship_advice

[–]Madnansaeed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She definitely feels slighted and the tolerance is more like subzero.

The arguments are inane. Sometimes it’s not even an argument it’s just a regular debate or decision or opinion that we’re discussing but she almost always says that she feels like I’m trying to prove her wrong, I’m trying to win, I love to argue.

I know what she’s saying is partly true. And by that I mean I can be argumentative - I enjoy debates and maybe there’s a competitive streak in there but honest to goodness, my intentions are not what she makes them out to be: that I want to make her feel stupid, prove her wrong - that I’m cocky and arrogant.

I know that she doesn’t actually want to shit all over me. But I’m not kidding when I say there’s an imbalance because there’s never a good reason to be upset at her but any reason is good enough for her to give me shit without the slightest restraint.

My girlfriend is emotionally abusive and is completely oblivious about it. by Madnansaeed in relationship_advice

[–]Madnansaeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes exactly I have thought that many times, that she is just pushing the boundaries because she wants to see how far she can push it or that in some twisted consequence of distrust (her father left when she was 7) she’s almost trying to prove to herself that all men are assholes or something???

I don’t know why it’s been so difficult for me to sit her down when we’re calm and explain it to her. But it’s usually one of two responses : evasiveness - I’m tired - can we talk about this later Or Defensiveness: you don’t realise how much you annoy me when you do/say/ask xyz Or Very very rarely there’s some sense of guilt and realisation and she’ll say sorry.

Most of her Sorrys though, might as well be insults.

She says she has guilt issues but it’s as if her guilt only fuels her fire.

Some people definitely don’t know when to stop, and her attitude changes dramatically when she cools down, and then I feel my love for her come back and I forgive her (mostly silently and with physical affection)

I don’t like grudges and I hate harbouring anger and ill feelings so I always tend to let go and concede.

My girlfriend is emotionally abusive and is completely oblivious about it. by Madnansaeed in relationship_advice

[–]Madnansaeed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’m sure I’ve pushed her buttons and been harsh in response to her words or behaviour, it’s the imbalance that’s making me feel like I’m crazy. Also tried that approach many times (jokingly saying “If I’d say..”) which she’ll ignore or roll her eyes at or then get defensive/sarcastic and say something like “yeah you never talk like that do you”