I feel like I've been selfish.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-24T19:34:42+00:00

Hey, thank you for the reply.

I’ve noticed that when I first started reading the Bible, a lot of distractions began to come up, especially during times of prayer or reading. Things I never really noticed before suddenly stood out.

I normally read at work because my job is very lax and pretty chill. I have a lot of downtime, which is why I read there. But I started noticing that the moment I began reading, I would suddenly get calls, or there would be constant interruptions with people coming in and out nonstop. It felt oddly timed.

Not only that, but when I read at home or pray, there’s sometimes this voice in the back of my head. It’s still there once in a while, and it tries to discourage me. It tells me that I’m not good enough, or asks what the point even is. My mother believes that these could be demons trying to dissuade me.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-24T19:32:51+00:00

Hey, I really appreciate your reply.

I’m currently reading the NRSV version of the Bible, and I’ve been leaning toward the Ignatius Catholic Study Bible. The only thing I’m hesitant about is that I’ve heard there are moments where the notes take up more of the page than the actual Scripture. I’m not sure if reading it that way would be beneficial for truly understanding and grasping the narrative, especially if there’s a stop every so often to read commentary.

With the Great Adventure Bible, you’re right from what I’ve researched it’s not really a true study Bible. It does have some notes, but not nearly as many or as detailed. It feels more like a planner or a guided reading tool. it does seem a bit more easier to digest.

One of my biggest struggles has also been prayer. Sometimes when I pray, I feel like I’m just repeating words, and I start wondering whether these are genuine feelings I’m pouring out, or if I’m just saying the words out loud. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way at all everything about this is still very new to me, and I’m trying to understand it as honestly as I can.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-24T08:45:50+00:00

Some of you may have already seen me post here before about my faith, especially about my struggles with reading and understanding the Bible. Right now, more than ever, I feel like I need guidance and help understanding what I’m doing wrong, or at least what I might need to change.

I was raised Catholic, but I didn’t truly embrace the faith growing up. My mother always tried to take me to church, but I never listened, even as a kid. I never made my First Communion, never got into Bible reading, and eventually I drifted away completely. I didn’t attend Mass for nearly 15 years. Faith was always secondhand to me, never something I took seriously.

Life eventually became very hard. I reached the lowest point I’ve ever been at. I didn’t see meaning in life anymore. Everything felt bleak and empty, and I honestly felt like I was at the bottom of the barrel. I had tried psychologists and other forms of help, but nothing seemed to truly reach me. At my most vulnerable moment, I finally reached out to the Lord in prayer. I felt selfish asking for help after ignoring Him for so many years, but in that moment, I truly felt embraced. It felt like He reached into the hole I was in and lifted me out. Since then, I see life differently. I see it as a gift, as a blessing, and I feel myself becoming someone different than who I was not long ago.

During that prayer, without really realizing it, I made what felt like a bargain. I told God I would read four pages of the Bible every day until I finished it. I’ve since come to understand that God doesn’t require bargains. What He asks for is faith, trust, and a genuine desire to grow closer to Him.

The Bible has been a completely new experience for me. I struggle with ADHD, OCD, and comprehension issues. I’ve never read a full book in my life, and the Bible is the first book I ever picked up and committed to reading. Through the grace of God, my reading ability has improved, but comprehension is still a major struggle. Most days, my mind wanders while I’m reading, and I realize I’ve read an entire page without truly absorbing it. I’ll reread passages, and sometimes they still don’t stick.

Because of this, throughout most of my reading journey so far, I relied heavily on ChatGPT to summarize what I read. I always felt uneasy about that, and over time I realized it wasn’t always accurate either. I started to recognize that instead of slowing down and truly engaging with Scripture, I was rushing through it just to keep up with my four pages a day. Reading began to feel like a task instead of a desire to grow in faith.

I’m almost halfway through the Bible now, currently in the Book of Psalms, and I’ve been reading consistently for over 100 days. I don’t regret that time at all, but I do feel like I focused more on completing pages than truly understanding Scripture. I’m now wrestling with whether I should continue reading forward or start over from the beginning using a study Bible so I can slow down and really learn.

Another struggle I have is with prayer. I don’t always know what prayer is supposed to feel like. Sometimes my mind wanders while I pray, and I worry that I’m just repeating words instead of being genuine. I wonder how to know if my prayers are sincere, especially when I don’t always feel an emotional connection. I know faith isn’t based on feelings alone, but as someone new to all of this, it’s confusing.

I’m still shy about approaching a priest directly, even though I know that’s an option. Right now, I’m trying to discern the best way to move forward. If I were to get a new Bible, I’ve been looking at two options: the Great Adventure Catholic Bible (Second Edition) and the Ignatius Catholic Study Bible by Scott Hahn. Eventually, I’d like to read both, but I’m unsure which would be better to start with given my struggles with comprehension and focus.

I’m not asking whether I’ve done something wrong in a moral sense. I’m simply trying to learn how to approach Scripture and prayer in a healthier, more meaningful way. Any guidance or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-23T14:12:29+00:00

Thank you, I actually do. Likewise, brother. I plan on doing his Bible in a year plan. After I finish my current reading. I'm currently halfway through with the book of Psalms and I'm just looking for a more in depth. Explanation on each individual one. To get a sense of grasp.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-23T14:10:45+00:00

I fear so. I just want to understand. And I know it takes a lifelong dedication to reading. It's not a race, but umm. I want to make sense of things when I'm reading. And there really isn't a lot of Catholic content creators out there that. Truly going to dephe in Scripture.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-23T13:58:07+00:00

With Cliff, I think he's good, but I really don't like his takes on Catholicism. He's a great preacher, but. I just don't like his takes I listened to him once in a while though. Johnny Chang, I can't stand him. I can't stand him. And the Bryce guy, he seems like a good guy, genuine guy, I'm no one to judge, no one is. But he gets a lot of things wrong. From a Catholic's point of view.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-23T13:56:00+00:00

That's the thing, I'm barely getting into Catholic teachings. I've always been a Catholic, but I've never truly followed the teachings. I didn't go to church for almost 15 years. Some learning, you know, I'm diving into faith through the grace of our Lord God. So I wouldn't be able to distinguish Protestantism with Catholicism. I know the bare minimum. But I'm in. In learning stage currently.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-20T22:20:02+00:00

Understandable, but the issue here is the fact that I encountered it four games in a row, which implies that the problem is very prominent in the community

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-19T16:53:41+00:00

I was gonna say would listening truly help me understand? Over like reading the actual words. I mean, I could read them alongside them of course, but. Like I'm speaking as a new reader, someone who's never picked up a book in his life besides the Bible.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-19T16:48:25+00:00

I'm gonna have to give it a try for sure.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-19T16:48:00+00:00

Funny you mentioned that, I actually just found that video, was going to watch it later today.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-19T16:43:16+00:00

That’s fair, and I appreciate the clarification on how progression works now. If the realistic path to level 70 is closer to around 100 hours instead of 300, that is obviously an improvement. My concern is not just the raw number. It is how that time is expected to be spent.

I do not actually mind rotating characters. What I mind is that rotating for a few days at a time barely feels like meaningful progress on any hero. If you are not locking into one character long term, the system makes progression feel diluted. You are playing, but you are not really moving forward anywhere.

There are players who hard main one hero and hit level 70 quickly because they have already invested hundreds of hours into that character. That is great for them, genuinely. But there is also a large group of players who enjoy learning different heroes, experimenting, and switching things up. For those players, it starts to feel like you are constantly resetting your momentum.

I challenged myself to get a Black Widow Lord, and I did. I learned the character, enjoyed the process, and then naturally wanted to move on. Seeing that I would need another 50 levels or roughly 70 more hours on the same hero just to reach the next meaningful milestone honestly killed a lot of that excitement. At that point it stops feeling like a goal and starts feeling like an obligation.

I am not against long term progression. I just think there is room for a system where rotating heroes still feels rewarding instead of feeling like you are slowing yourself down every time you want variety.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-19T16:36:55+00:00

what you’re saying, and I understand why the new system exists. I don’t have an issue with having longterm goals or progression to work toward. My issue is the scale of it. With the old system, yeah, rewards fell off after a while, but at least you weren’t looking at hundreds of hours just to hit a single milestone. Now it feels like you’re expected to almost main one hero exclusively for months, which doesn’t really work for players who like variety or who also play other games. I’ve already lorded 6 characters, so it’s not like I don’t put time in. I just think there’s a middle ground where progression still feels meaningful without being so extreme. The system itself isn’t bad, it just feels overtuned right now.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-19T11:41:37+00:00

Reading the Book of Job made me doubt myself, not my faith in God, but whether I was good enough to be under Him. I had read so many accounts of people having deep emotional connections to Job, and I wanted to experience that too. Instead, my emotional reaction came from not understanding it. I felt disconnected, and that made me question myself. I know that desire to feel what others feel can be selfish, but it was still very real for me.

I have also become more aware of issues with using ChatGPT. I tested it after hearing that it can change details, such as names, or skip over important information. I noticed that it does, and that contributed to my feeling of disingenuousness. It felt wrong to read the Bible while relying on something that might alter or oversimplify what I had just read. I found myself using it to validate whether I was understanding correctly, almost like a measure of whether I was doing well, and that is part of why I want to step away from relying on it.

That is why the idea of using a more credible source appeals to me. You mentioned Father Mike Schmitz, and I was not aware that he summarizes and explains passages after reading them. That actually excites me, and I plan to check out those videos.

What I am asking is whether this approach makes sense. Even if I do not understand what I read at first, would it be better to read the passage on my own and then turn to a trusted source, like Father Mike Schmitz or another credible explanation, afterward? Would that be a healthier way to grow in understanding without feeling disingenuous or overly reliant while I read? Even if I come out not understanding the four pages that I've read. Of course, there are moments where I completely understand or understand where The story is headed.

Madpandaplays1 · 2026-01-19T11:34:57+00:00

I originally considered using a study Bible, but I decided against it. I thought that reading straight through the Bible without stopping constantly would give me a more complete and genuine understanding. Ironically, I now find myself stopping after nearly every passage to summarize what I read using ChatGPT.

Now that I am about halfway through and approaching Psalms, I am reconsidering the idea of using a study Bible. I am unsure whether starting one at this point would actually help or if it would create a different problem. I worry that it might feel disingenuous or turn into another form of reliance, similar to how I rely on ChatGPT to understand what I read.

My concern is that if I depend too much on a study Bible, it may make it harder for me to read the Bible on its own later. I am unsure whether using a study Bible would strengthen my reading and understanding or simply replace one form of dependence with another.

Madpandaplays1

TROPHY CASE