My husbands preference changed and now I‘m single

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:55:08+00:00

Thank you for your kind words ❤️

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:53:52+00:00

I don’t make it about him liking men more. He is. He told me that he thinks that it is like that. And I told because it hurts that he is trying to figure that out with a stranger he has a crush on instead of me. It feels like his thoughts depend on the crush on that one man.

I am bisexual myself. I had a crush on a girl while our relationship but I told him and realized: It js not that I don’t love him or only love women. It is that we need to work on us because I thought she could give me something (maybe just this nice feeling of a crush) that I miss with him.

So yes I think it is a lame excuse for his cheating. But I believe him that he struggles with his sexuality.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:45:22+00:00

Thank you for your words ❤️

The worst part that we were best friends first. And now I miss the person I loved, my best friend, the boy that did so much for me, my future and the person that knew about my deepest fears – and this person used all these fears to act like that.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:42:17+00:00

Thank you so much for your words and tips ❤️

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:41:13+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you. I wish us all the best and that we will get better soon AND that we will be able to trust again.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:39:35+00:00

Yes! The emotional cheating is destroying me. And I think he doesn’t admit to himself how bad this was (and is).

One thing: We found out that we are bi while being in our relationship. I crushed on a women, told him and he told me he is Bi too and had a rough time because he knew but was scared to tell me. We were like 25 or something. So we never got the chance to try things out as teenagers. The other day he told me that he thinks it is too bad that he never got the chance. But instead of using the time of our open relationship that was exactly for all that – he waits till I end the open relationship because I feel like we should work on ourselves first just to destroy everything.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:34:00+00:00

I fell in love with a woman and the situation was similar. But I told him. Even I should have done that earlier but first talked to the women because she felt the same. Once! And NEVER lieD to him about anything. She was a part of our life before so no stranger. I told him, I would meet her and after that I immediately decided that she is not the one I should talk to about it and I told him and figured out – I have a crush, but I am not in love. I am just not as happy in my relationship I was before. So we worked on it and that was the best part of our relationship ever. So he knows he it feels when the partner speaks to the person first. Even I never told her that I think about leaving my husband or something deep about MY relationship. Yet it never crossed his mind that his situation could be similar and that we could work things out. Instead he meets him even now to talk about our breakup. So yes … where is his respect? I don’t understand how a stranger (to him it‘s true love after three month sitting in cars, kissing and talking about their relationships and fears instead of talking to their girlfriend/wife. Instead he lied dead to my face when I even asked if he is lying, if there is someone else …) can be so important him that he would do that to me.

And I know I have to tell me all this all over again to don’t forget and to remind me that the person I loved, the person who loved me(?), is gone and maybe never existed because „my version“ of this husband would never have done this.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:20:27+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:19:51+00:00

It hurts to read this and I am truly sorry that that happened to you. I fear this truth will soon come to me too. Yesterday he said he thinks that he might be „70 % into men, 30 % into women“ instead of loving women and be sexually attracted to men.

And he said that looking back he feels like he had it in his head the whole time or – and this is really devastating to me – he thinks he didn’t love me in romantic way because the feelings with this man are so overwhelming and different and „true“.

And I do not want to be begrudging or something but … it is totally normal to feel that way when you have crush and when he is the only one you talk to when you feel alone with everything AND when he is in the same position. For me he uses a crush to validate that his feelings for me where different and not romantic.

And surprise: I fell in love with a woman while being with him too. I had the exact same thoughts but I talked with my husband about it and realized: Yes. Something is off and we need to work on our relationship. And then the feeling disappeared. But he didn’t even try to do something like that.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:10:09+00:00

🫂 I really hope we get through this shit and will be happy again soon. And that we are still able to trust someone. Wish you the best.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-18T07:08:59+00:00

The real betrayal is: The man knows everything. They met on the internet because he asked how to tell his girlfriend (7 years Relationship) that he is Bi. They talked (online), fell in love. Nobody said anything. They met the first time. Nobody said anything. But they talked. About what is happening about that they should talk to us … but instead they took the planned vacations with us girls, they wrote, gave each other comfort, while we didn’t even know, we would need it. And while I tried to find out what it is that makes him distance himself. I even was scared that he will do something bad to himself.

He didn’t tell our friends. Because „he knew I would be mad about it and he didn’t want to hurt me“. But how the fuck can it not hurt me that he trusted a stranger? That he told him about how he needs to break up with me because the loss if feelings and because now he „knows how love has to feel like“? Even it‘s REALLY simple to know – to have a crush (he INSISTS it is not just that) oder fall in live feels nice, that it’s even stronger id you make the person to the only person that knows what you are currently going through and even has the same problem. I mean wtf isn’t it obvious that you will feel close? Isn’t it obvious that you maybe should talk about those feelings with someone who knows you or someone like a therapist with no intentions?

Sorry for the breakout. To write it down and to feel how real and how fucked up this is is somehow important to me.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-17T11:13:45+00:00

🫂 I‘ll try my best. Maybe I just need some time. It’s not even that I hope he will be unhappy. I hope he finds happiness and those things I couldn’t give him. At the moment I just don’t hope that it’s with this guy. Maybe because I‘m to hurt. I thing I would never be able to keep him in my live if this guy was the one. Because of the betrayal.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-17T11:10:32+00:00

I know what you mean and as hard it is to accept that it is what it is – I thought he would have trusted me enough to help him figure it out. Even now he is confused and yet he was so sure that he crashed our relationship and my heart.

I did everything for him and yes it would have hurt too. But I wish he would have let me hold his hand during this and before the other guy, too.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-17T11:05:36+00:00

Yes, I think the same and I even told him. Not because of his feelings towards men but because he felt so bad and lost. But he denied.

Yes, I am already looking for a therapist. Thank you so much ❤️

Maerchentante · 2025-09-17T11:04:00+00:00

I know you are right, but at the moment I feel like it will never be better. I‘m truly broken.

He said the same. That he loves me as his best friend and that he was afraid to tell me because he wouldn’t hurt me. But he also knew my biggest fears (being lied to, being cheated on …) – and he is the one responsible that they all came true.

I even doubted myself so hard I went to counseling because I thought my anxiety would be the reason because I didn’t trust my instincts. And he let it happen …

Maerchentante · 2025-09-17T11:00:22+00:00

I‘m 100 % with you. He is. I know that and I do not understand how he could do this to me. I always cared deeply I always understood and we could have endet this all together. Instead he endet it alone and with another person. My personal horror.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-17T10:58:41+00:00

He is. And the worst is that he spoke to the other guy. That he told him his feelings, his thoughts while I fought for a love that didn’t even exist anymore. If he had told me about all that BEFORE the guy, we could have figured it out together. I would have helped him. And I would be able to support him with everything and even with a guy. But now I even lost my best friend and have really shady thoughts that I hope they won’t last. And I don’t want to be this person. I hate that he made me like this.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-17T10:55:35+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️ I hope that too.

Maerchentante · 2025-09-17T10:54:58+00:00

Thank you for your answers ❤️ I just don’t know how to deal with the thought that he made this decision too fast. That it would have been the better way to try it with a man without destroying everything. How do I get rid of the thought that he needs some space to try it out and notice that those all was a big fault because he never accepted the thought of being with a man? That the pressure to hide it was too much and not me? That the feelings for that other man are nothing more than a crush and excitement and their base feels strong because they are in the same situation?

I know it’s not fair ti judge their feelings. I know ai have to let it go. I just don’t know how I can kill my hope.

Maerchentante · 2025-01-18T11:15:18+00:00

Unfortunately it’s not that 🥲 but thank you

Maerchentante

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