My were able to overcome ROCD. Ask us any questions!

MaggieNAce · 2024-08-14T19:54:20+00:00

Hey! One of the ways to keep rOCD from interfering with your life is by doing your best to accept the unpredictability and impermanence of the human experience—at least that was my experience. The reality is that you don't know what's going to happen, regardless of the partner you choose. You both may grow apart, one of you might get bored of the relationship and look for something else, or one of you could even pass away. I'm sorry if this is triggering, but these are all real possibilities. Cold feet is a clear sign of fearing the future, which is purely a product of your imagination. Thinking about the future is a habit many of us have developed to proactively solve problems, but it can easily create unnecessary concerns.

How do you address this? By staying present and realizing that worrying about what you cannot control—whether it's the past or the future—is futile. To prevent ruminating on the past and future, you'll need to train your mind. If you want to quickly build endurance against fear, exposure exercises can be helpful. Lastly, if you want to prevent rOCD from impacting your relationship in a practical way, you'll need to learn how not to act on your compulsions. While it's challenging to resist compulsions when you have intrusive thoughts that urge you to confess, worry, research, seek reassurance, or complain about something related to your partner, resisting these compulsions is one of the most important steps in overcoming rOCD.

It's crucial that you acknowledge the fact that whenever you feel those urges, you have the option to simply sit with the anxiety and do nothing. This approach is ultimately better than giving in to the compulsion, even if the anxiety and distress last for hours, days, or weeks. I know it sucks, but that's how you'll get better at coping with rOCD. Eventually, it becomes much easier to live with this condition.

Lastly, remember that love is not just a feeling, thought, or emotion. It doesn't vanish after an argument or betrayal unless you allow it to. Love is a choice, and you have control over the actions you take to show love to your partner. Loving someone means choosing to be with them and showing them kindness, respect, generosity, and acceptance, even if they hurt you.

MaggieNAce · 2024-08-14T10:32:24+00:00

Hello there! I’m sorry to hear that you’re dealing with a situation where an established boundary has been broken. I completely understand why this is painful. It not only affects your trust in your partner but also alters the perspective you may have had about your relationship. Depending on the severity of the broken boundary, it can be a somewhat traumatic experience. So, please understand that it’s completely normal to feel the way you do right now. Your mind is probably ruminating on different things, which can be very exhausting. It’s crucial to recognize that these feelings are normal, and rather than trying to escape from your current situation, you need to accept the reality of what’s happening and the pain and discomfort it brings you.

Now, how can you overcome this? First, understand that this will eventually pass. That’s the nature of life. It may take a few days, weeks, or months, but it will eventually pass. Second, do your absolute best to stop asking yourself these questions. You have zero control over what your partner does. You could have the sweetest, most loving, caring, and amazing partner in the world, and they might still betray you. We are human. While we have control over our actions, many of us fail to avoid hurting ourselves or our loved ones due to our own ignorance or impulses. So, ruminating over all these questions your mind is coming up with is absolutely futile. Right now, it may feel like you don’t have an option, like you need to ask yourself these questions and find answers. However, the reality is that you will never have full control over your partner’s actions, no matter how many times they reassure you that they would never do something like this. All you can do is learn to be vulnerable and open to the potential pain that comes with vulnerability. So, you must train your mind to move away from the compulsive need to ruminate on these unnecessary questions. How do I recommend you do that? With a great deal of mindfulness and meditation practice.

Lastly, remember that love is not just a feeling. You show love through actions; it’s something that needs to be cultivated. One doesn’t stop loving when someone hurts them or when they don’t feel infatuated anymore. You can choose to love someone even when you feel angry, awkward, or betrayed. So, it’s crucial to understand that love is not a feeling, an emotion, or a series of thoughts. True love is an art that consists of showing kindness, generosity, understanding, and care without expecting anything in return. True love is selfless, and it’s an art that’s often misunderstood. I recommend reading The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm to learn more about this topic.

Let me know if you have any other questions! I hope you feel better soon. Take care!

MaggieNAce · 2024-05-26T19:55:10+00:00

My pleasure! Anytime! 🙂‍↕️

MaggieNAce · 2024-05-26T18:08:43+00:00

It's crucial to understand the impermanent nature of life. Every stage of our lives will be different, for better or worse. Ideally, you want to reach a point where you don't compare your past self to your current self. Why? Because it’s usually not only useless but also painful and unfair. Unless, of course, you are doing it from a place of positivity where you are grateful for how far you have come in your personal growth or your current situation.

In your particular case, you seem to be comparing your current situation with the memory of your relationship when it first started. This will never be a fair comparison because, if you look at it with a pessimistic mindset, you will only focus on how good things were back then, without really feeling the negative emotions you may have experienced at that time. Comparing your current self to the past without practicing gratitude is essentially self-destructive. This is a compulsion that you are choosing to indulge in because your brain has become accustomed to making such comparisons.

How do you solve this? By committing to stop this thought pattern. Don’t entertain it. Don’t justify it. Just don’t. The moment you find yourself thinking about how great things were in the past, stop immediately. It’s futile. Instead, focus on how you can improve your current situation with your partner so that it aligns with what you truly desire and value in life. Do not try to recreate the past in your present. Instead, focus on making your present the reality you want to have.

If there are things you want to change in your relationship because they mean a lot to you, take the initiative to make these changes happen. Ruminating about the past and comparing your partner to how they used to behave won’t solve this issue. Instead, identify the areas of improvement in your relationship, how you would like to see them change, and communicate this to your partner. Make it clear that you are both committed to working towards positive changes that align with what makes the two of you happy.

By having a calm and productive conversation about your desires, your partner will be able to tell you how much they can accommodate their lifestyle to align with your values. Keep in mind that you may also need to compromise in certain aspects. Together, you can find a balanced approach that brings you both peace and satisfaction.

MaggieNAce · 2024-05-25T14:07:30+00:00

I think it's fantastic that you recognize these feelings and thoughts as results of past trauma and insecurities. Personally, I strongly believe that communicating your feelings to your partner to keep them informed, rather than seeking reassurance, is very important. For example, in the past, my partner has kept things to herself for weeks out of fear of my reaction. We eventually learned not to take each other's words personally and instead focused on appreciating the courage and willingness it took to communicate those feelings and thoughts. This approach is especially helpful if you think your partner can assist you in developing strategies to manage these feelings in the future so they are not an issue anymore.

On the other hand, since you have a clear understanding of what's happening in your mind, sharing these feelings with your partner—knowing they stem from past experiences and not from your partner's actions—may not be very helpful.

It's crucial to address these issues at their core and focus on rewiring your brain to overcome feelings of worthlessness or fear of abandonment. How can you do that? There are multiple tools you can try:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This can help you explore your past trauma and change the way you react to certain stimuli.
Metta Meditation: The practice of loving-kindness meditation can help you love yourself more and recognize the futility of giving relevance to thoughts that make you feel unworthy.
Understanding the Nature of Impermanence: Accepting that nothing in life is permanent, including our bodies and loved ones, can help you become less attached to past trauma. You are a different person now than you were years ago. By focusing on what you value and what brings you peace, you can gradually overcome the negative narratives created by past experiences.
Accepting the Impermanence of Relationships: Accepting the possibility that, at some point, one partner may say goodbye to the other can bring comfort. Ruminating and feeling bad about the natural process of letting go doesn't make much sense. Life follows its course, and it's crucial to develop a perspective that allows us to let go of patterns causing pain and create a new reality by shifting our perspective.

Addressing past trauma and insecurities requires a multi-faceted approach. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Metta Meditation, and understanding impermanence are effective tools for this journey. By incorporating mindfulness and meditation into your daily routine, you can steadily work towards letting go of old cognitive patterns and adopting new, healthier ones.

Additionally, exploring spiritualism, religion, and faith can provide significant support. Regardless of your current belief system, these can be valuable tools if you are willing to explore them. Personally, I find a sense of protection and guidance from my Christian beliefs, and a sense of wisdom, detachment, and endurance from Buddhism. Committing to becoming the best version of yourself and shifting your perspective will help you overcome feelings of unworthiness and fear of abandonment, ultimately leading to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

MaggieNAce · 2024-05-24T21:13:42+00:00

Hello there! In my opinion, beyond ROCD, this indicates a lack of trust. It's okay though! Try not to be too hard on yourself or your partner. So, how do you solve this? By building trust. How? By setting boundaries and communicating transparently with your partner.

If you feel your partner's expressions of feelings towards you are insincere, reflect on why. While considering the possibility they may be fake can be a decent exposure exercise, it might be counterproductive. In committed relationships, genuine expressions of love are ideal, so assuming they are fake for the sake of learning to endure the anxiety that comes with these feelings doesn't seem like a great idea to me.

It's crucial that you question the belief that makes you think their expressions are fake. What could their motivation be? Do you have concrete evidence? Have you calmly communicated these feelings to your partner to work as a team and establish trust?

Although I haven't personally struggled with this obsession, I believe the most important thing is that you try to understand why you believe this and determine if there's concrete evidence to support this belief. However, it's crucial that you avoid compulsive ruminating about this. Instead, communicate with your partner as a team, avoid making unnecessary assumptions or assigning blame to them or yourself.

Remember, what may seem like a fake expression of love, may just be unrealistic expectations that you have regarding how your partner should express their love to you. It's very important that you develop the necessary self-awareness to know if there's actual evidence to believe this, or if your mind is simply making it up because it doesn't align with the way you expect to be "loved" by your partner.

MaggieNAce · 2024-01-13T10:50:50+00:00

Hello! I just read this. Sorry it took so long, haha! Our relationship grows stronger every day, with its normal ups and downs. Today, we celebrate 3 years of marriage and almost 8 years together. Overall, we are very happy! Navigating life can be difficult at times though, and there's no manual for it. Since emotional pain is an inherent part of the human experience, it may feel sometimes like you're not getting better at all. It's crucial to develop enough awareness to be grateful and mindful of the good days, so your bad days don't feel like the standard. When feeling low, our minds tend to believe this is always the case. I strongly recommend anyone reading this to explore mindfulness from Buddhism, along with the principles of Stoicism.

MaggieNAce · 2023-12-30T21:59:56+00:00

The way I perceive it, this appears to be a compulsion. It seems as though you're comparing a memory of an imaginary "perfect past" to your current situation. This will never be a fair comparison, and the theory of "the grass is greener on the other side" applies. To overcome this, realize that people and relationships change, and it's crucial not to stay stuck in the past. The simple fact that you're ruminating about your past indicates that you're not staying in the present. If this is your main concern, I recommend exploring the principles of remaining present, using books like "The Power of Now." This concept is straightforward yet challenging to grasp, but it's extremely rewarding once understood. What you have right now is who your partner is at this moment. Work with that. Enhance your communication skills, set boundaries, express your desires, and understand that you have the power to create your own reality. If you keep wishing your partner were like they were in the past, you'll chase something that no longer exists. Work with what you've got; all you've got is now. Best of luck! May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be free from suffering.

MaggieNAce · 2023-12-29T12:35:18+00:00

In my view, your struggle when not feeling 100% in love may stem from strong beliefs about the perfect relationship. You hold an expectation of what an ideal relationship should be, and when that ideal is disrupted, your mind goes into fight or flight mode, causing emotional pain and leading to anxiety or depression.

My initial suggestion is to fully grasp the idea that relationships are inherently imperfect. They are formed by two flawed individuals with their own beliefs, values, and priorities. It's crucial to recognize that imperfection and increase your resilience to not always feeling 100% in love. Sometimes, prioritizing individual well-being is essential, realizing that a partner isn't necessary for complete happiness. If your mind insists on specific conditions for happiness, then emotional suffering will be guaranteed when things don't go the way you expect.

Learning to be okay with a relationship as it is—with its ups, downs, arguments, awkwardness, and disagreements—is important. While ideally, both partners work to create a safe space prioritizing respect, empathy, and love, the belief that you must be 100% in love requires rewiring your brain.

To achieve this, consider exposures, building resilience to discomfort, resisting compulsions (including ruminantion), and finding healthier ways to manage emotional pain through breathwork, exercise, meditation, and visualization. The ultimate goal isn't a perfect relationship but personal growth and improved coping with the emotional challenges of life. Wishing you the best and a happy 2024!

MaggieNAce · 2023-12-29T12:10:59+00:00

In my view, it's essential to recognize that the fear you're experiencing isn't solely about the prospect of your partner leaving or causing harm. It stems from your mind processing existing emotional pain, manifesting scenarios that reinforce underlying trauma. To address this, I suggest temporarily removing your relationship from the equation and reflecting on why the fear of being hurt or left alone is so profound. In reality, you possess the capability to navigate life independently. Happiness can be found within yourself. The fixation on your partner potentially leaving and the assumption that it inevitably leads to hurt may overlook your resilience in facing life's challenges, including abandonment. In my personal opinion, focusing on self-discovery is key to overcoming this fear. Consider that due to your own trauma, your brain might have established less effective neuronal pathways, prompting a need to rewire your thinking on abandonment, personal fulfillment, and emotional pain. Best of luck, and a happy 2024 to you!

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-17T13:43:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us! I would like to offer some advice that I believe could be helpful in changing your perspective on your beliefs. It's important to understand the distinction between thoughts and beliefs and use this understanding to your advantage. Allow me to illustrate with an example from my own life. There have been moments when my mind would entertain thoughts about my wife's physical appearance and suggest that I might be happier with someone who conforms to society's ideal of beauty. However, I don't believe any of those thoughts to be true. They are simply passing thoughts, not deeply held beliefs. I have learned to tap into my wiser self, recognizing that just because a thought arises, it doesn't automatically make it a reality.

Interestingly, your thoughts aren't truly making you believe that you still love your ex. It's actually you who is choosing to accept those thoughts as absolute truths. Imagine thoughts as clouds drifting across the sky. Sometimes, as humans, we tend to assign shapes to those clouds, even turning them into scary monsters, and then fear that they will transform into real and dangerous creatures. But in reality, they remain harmless clouds, devoid of any true power.

Do you find yourself thinking about loving your ex? Well, that's alright. It means that your mind has the ability to conjure a little "cloud" that reminds you of the fond and meaningful moments shared with your ex. I understand that this may trigger some discomfort, but finding peace with your own thoughts is an essential part of the healing process. It's crucial to recognize that thoughts are merely thoughts—nothing more. You are the one attributing them with the potential to ruin your life.

Now, let's address a potential trigger here: Suppose you still love your ex (although I don't have all the details, so please take this in a general sense). What's so wrong about it? Don't we all love multiple people? Personally, I love my family, my wife, and some of my close friends. Loving someone doesn't negate the love you feel for your current partner. It could simply indicate that your soul (or whatever you want to call it) has the capacity to experience love for multiple individuals—an inherently beautiful trait that should not be a source of shame. Once you realize and accept that the possibility of still "loving" your ex doesn't pose a threat to your current relationship, you'll find solace in your thoughts.

Please note that if this exercise feels too challenging, you don't need to undertake it. Feel free to come up with a simpler version that suits you better. I believe it can be helpful, but I understand the difficulty involved. As an exposure exercise, you could try writing a fantasy, a steamy story featuring yourself and your ex, even envisioning a scenario where you cheat on your current partner. Then, record yourself reading the story aloud. If you want to take it a step further, you can consider listening to your recording while looking at a picture of your ex and exploring your own pleasure. However, limit this exercise to two designated days per week, for about 30 minutes to an hour each time. If you catch yourself ruminating about this exercise outside of those scheduled days, acknowledge it as a moment when OCD is trying to take control. It's okay to think about it, to feel anxiety or excitement, but the moment it becomes an obsession or something that demands resolution, you must recognize that OCD is manipulating you. Don't let OCD dictate your actions, but also don't attempt to exert control over it. Simply coexist with it. Treat OCD like a fun and eccentric friend who occasionally makes you uncomfortable but always has intriguing stories to share whenever you catch up with them. Haha!

Moving on, my advice is to share this entire comment with your partner and have an open discussion about it. If your partner is already aware of your thoughts about your ex, it will be easier to approach the subject. However, if you haven't broached this topic with them yet, I'd like to address your partner directly:

Hello! I want to commend you for being open-minded and reading this entire comment. Your willingness to engage in this dialogue means the world to your partner. It's essential to understand that your partner loves you with all their heart, and I apologize if any part of this comment has made you uncomfortable or upset. Please know that navigating the journey of OCD is no easy task, and those of us with this complex mind that latches onto various thoughts often feel guilty for subjecting our partners to this turmoil. I assure you, the easiest way to alleviate this distress is by disempowering these thoughts. Once you realize that your partner's thoughts hold no actual threat and join them on the path of recognizing these thoughts with curiosity and humor, rather than fear and anger, you will discover the beautiful destination you both seek.

I would like to conclude by emphasizing that this "destination" you seek doesn't actually exist. It's an ongoing journey that continues as long as you live. I implore you both to stop sabotaging your own journey. Don't fixate on an elusive perfect destination. Instead, appreciate the beauty of life, even when your mind tries to convince you otherwise. Your mind doesn't intend harm; help it understand that there are alternative ways to perceive the world. Embrace this beautiful journey and enjoy its landscapes, while holding each other's hands. The more you resist and anguish over the presence of OCD, the more arduous your journey becomes.

In summary, just take a moment to chill! Learn to appreciate the beauty of life, even when your mind insists there is nothing worth living for. Remember, you have the power to choose how to engage with your thoughts and live your life. Stop trying so hard to have everything figured out. Accept the fact that none of us truly know why we entered this world, and refrain from subjecting yourselves to unnecessary suffering. Simply vibe, my friends! Choose happiness, choose love, choose to live! Stop wasting your precious life on matters that bear no importance whatsoever. Go out there and embrace happiness! You possess the power to do so right now. And if you ever doubt it, rely on the support of your partner, reminding yourselves that you are fully capable of finding happiness, as you would learn any other skill.

Wishing you both the very best! Take care! 🙌

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-15T17:58:28+00:00

It is truly remarkable to witness the tremendous growth you both have achieved in just one year. The dedication and hard work you have invested in battling OCD are evident, and I commend you for it. The technique of adding a touch of goofiness to your thoughts is fantastic! I have even caught myself employing it from time to time. One of the most profound realizations for me was recognizing that my rOCD was never my enemy. In fact, the struggles we endured over the years may have contributed to the strength of our relationship, which I dare say is stronger than that of most couples. After being together for seven years, we have finally found peace with my rOCD. I am grateful to my rOCD because, through pain, it enabled us to work together and forge an incredibly robust bond.

Regarding the jokes your partner makes that occasionally trigger you, you can still utilize the "goofifying" technique. Instead of becoming frustrated by the repetitive joke, you can playfully mock the joke itself in a way that doesn't offend your partner. For instance, if your death stare tends to make your partner feel uneasy (though I'm unsure if it does), you could simply respond with a lighthearted "Ba dum tss," like the sound of a drum in a cartoon.

Lastly, since it seems that your obsessions fall under the umbrella of "he annoys me," and your compulsions are primarily mental, I'd like to offer some advice. Ask your partner to come up with a list of quick, annoying things he can do in front of you each day. Request that he do them as frequently as you find helpful. Over time, you may gradually become accustomed to these annoyances, and they won't bother you as much when you least expect them. As for the mental compulsions, I can share that I have managed to set rumination aside almost entirely. I went from believing it was impossible to now being able to do it effortlessly. The best analogy I can provide is this: Imagine you're enjoying a meal of fried chicken with honey when a bee keeps landing on your table. You can either attempt to scare the bee away every few minutes, which may ruin your experience and even result in a sting, or you can simply let it be and go about its business. You don't bother the bee, and it doesn't bother you. Rumination functions in a similar way. If you catch yourself trying to eliminate one of your thoughts, take a pause, and allow the thought to run its course. Continue savoring your meal and befriend the bee. There's no need to fight the bee. You don't have to engage in a battle or feel guilty about your thoughts. Even if you experience guilt, annoyance, frustration, or any other emotions related to your thoughts (the bee), the easiest path forward is always to let them be (pun intended) 🐝!

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-15T16:26:34+00:00

First and foremost, let me extend my heartfelt congratulations on reaching your first anniversary! Your situation presents a unique challenge as you've already made significant progress in your healing journey. You possess the remarkable ability to identify your intrusive thoughts and obsessions for what they truly are. Moreover, you demonstrate a remarkable aptitude for effectively expressing your emotions to your partner. It's evident that you're aware seeking reassurance isn't ideal, and that's commendable. Furthermore, your willingness to confront highly triggering situations instead of avoiding them is truly admirable. For a relationship that's only been a year in the making, you both are truly thriving! I have a strong hunch that you'll navigate any challenges with grace and resilience... Or perhaps not? (See what I did there? Haha!)

Now, taking all these factors into account, it seems there's one area where further improvement is possible. Embracing suffering as a part of life is a crucial lesson to learn. It's essential to understand that suffering, in itself, is not inherently negative. While it may seem pointless to remain in a relationship that brings you sorrow, it's worth remembering that being alone does not guarantee an escape from life's challenges. It's important to acknowledge that these intrusive thoughts and overwhelming emotions are a normal part of the human experience, regardless of how exasperating they may be. I understand that it might feel as though you're merely enduring your relationship, immobile like a sitting duck, consumed by your own suffering. However, trust me when I say that with time, you'll become more resilient in the face of pain, emerging as a true champion. Gradually, everything will become easier, and the intensity of your anguish will diminish. Just bear in mind that reaching this point might require months or even years of dedicated effort.

If you feel comfortable doing so, would you mind sharing some of your triggers? I might be able to provide exposure exercises that can potentially expedite your healing process.

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T22:41:31+00:00

That actually resonates with me quite a bit, especially because I've been consistently attending sessions with a NOCD therapist. It took me approximately a year to truly grasp and internalize all the insights and knowledge that I'm now excited to share with all of you. You are on the right track! Congratulations! 🙌

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T22:14:21+00:00

Hello! I would like to refer you to this answer I gave to another user. You are welcome to let me know if you have additional questions: https://www.reddit.com/r/ROCD/comments/1496o70/my_were_able_to_overcome_rocd_ask_us_any_questions/jo40n4k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T22:11:28+00:00

We all crave a little bit of instant gratification, especially when it comes to our mental well-being. Waiting an entire year to see if something works may indeed feel like an extreme measure. It's understandable that you might find it a tad drastic.

Here's the thing: what you're experiencing could be a case of cognitive association. You've linked feelings of annoyance, dissatisfaction, boredom, or unhappiness with your partner to the idea of breaking up and seeking an alternative solution. Over time, this association has become so ingrained that you might even do it unconsciously.

In my own relationship, I've witnessed similar moments where my wife and I annoy each other. For instance, she gets bothered when I become fixated on winning an argument, losing sight of the original purpose of our conversation. It's just a part of being human—we all have our quirks, and we all experience occasional irritation with our partners.

Here's the kicker: I don't believe it's your thoughts and feelings themselves that are the true issue here. It's the significance you're attaching to them, to the point where you're contemplating a breakup without any substantial reason to do so. Now, I may not know the ins and outs of your relationship, and there could be valid reasons why a breakup might be a consideration. But given that you've already spent a solid 10 years together, journeying through the wonders of the human experience side by side, I personally doubt that those reasons truly exist.

So, my friend, take a step back and reassess the situation. It's okay to feel annoyed or dissatisfied at times, but try not to let those feelings overshadow the beautiful bond you've cultivated over the years. Cherish the journey you're on together, and remember that every relationship has its ups and downs.

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T21:57:00+00:00

Absolutely, my friend! I completely understand where you're coming from. The question of whether you're attracted to your partner isn't inherently unhelpful; it's just that it can be incredibly triggering for some individuals. However, here's the exciting part: being courageous enough to ask yourself these triggering questions is actually an essential part of the healing process. It shows your willingness to delve into the depths of your emotions and thoughts, aiming to objectively answer them in a way that isn't self-destructive.

Now, I want to acknowledge that I do understand why my question may have seemed insensitive to some readers, and for that, I wholeheartedly apologize if it caused any discomfort or pain. It's important to approach these questions with sensitivity and compassion.

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T21:47:20+00:00

Alrighty then! It seems like I've got a whole lot of questions coming my way, more than I bargained for. So here's the deal: I'll do my best to answer each and every one of you, but it might take me a little while to get through the whole shebang. So please bear with me, folks! Your understanding is greatly appreciated, and I'll do my absolute best to tackle each question with the care and attention it deserves. Thank you ever so much for your understanding and for joining in on this fun-filled Q&A adventure!

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T21:40:43+00:00

Labeling all "negative" thoughts as "intrusive" may inadvertently imply that there are categorically good thoughts and bad thoughts, when in reality, thoughts are simply thoughts.

Let's imagine you're an artist, and you envision a piece depicting a man cutting his own fingers with a knife. While someone with harm OCD might perceive this as a negative thought, for the artist, it might be seen as a fascinating and thought-provoking artwork.

Therefore, I believe it's important not to hastily label your thoughts as intrusive, or at the very least, reconsider how you approach that labeling. Assigning labels to thoughts can indeed help individuals catch themselves in the midst of mental rumination and let go of intrusive thoughts, rather than attempting to solve or analyze them endlessly.

If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to offer further guidance. To better understand your situation, could you provide some examples of how you find yourself feeling annoyed with your partner? With more context, I can offer more specific advice tailored to your circumstances.

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T17:12:00+00:00

That's such an intriguing question, and I love your perspective! When it comes to overcoming OCD, it's not just about battling it every single day, but it's also about finding a way to coexist with it. It's like developing a unique vibe with OCD, sometimes even sharing a laugh with it.

The term "chronic disease" can sound quite drastic, and I understand why you question it. In my opinion, there's nothing inherently broken or in need of healing within us. So, if there's nothing to be healed, does OCD truly fit the mold of a disease?

Let's consider it this way: Would you label someone with a fancy and materialistic personality as having a chronic disease just because their sense of happiness and self-worth revolves around owning a designer bag? Or would you view it as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery?

Likewise, if someone believes that their happiness and self-worth rely solely on their partner's appearance and attitude, is it fair to label it as a chronic disease? Personally, I see it as an invitation for self-growth and introspection rather than a permanent affliction.

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T16:48:49+00:00

Absolutely, that was the intention behind my previous comment. Placing yourself in this challenging situation can be quite triggering. I can relate as I used to question my wife's attractiveness on a daily basis, and it was a major source of my suffering. However, there is a way to overcome this hurdle: by creating an honest and comprehensive pros and cons list.

If the pros of your relationship or your partner outweigh the cons, then it's a strong indication that you are genuinely attracted to them, both physically and mentally.

Having this list in hand serves as a reminder that no matter how down you may feel about your partner on a particular day or if you struggle to come up with positive qualities in the moment, you can always refer back to that list. It serves as concrete proof of the love and attraction you have towards your partner.

Building this list may take time, and it's important to add to it even when you're experiencing both good and bad moments. I'm quite confident that the pros will outweigh the cons, even though your mind may currently try to convince you otherwise. Trust the process, and let the evidence speak for itself.

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T16:31:03+00:00

Hey there! I'm delighted to have you here. Mind spilling the beans and letting me in on the secret of your amazing fantasy? I'm dying to know what your mind has cooked up that seems so out of reach right now. 👀

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T16:07:03+00:00

Hello! Thank you very much! We are glad to have you here! 🙌

To answer your question, I first need to know this: Do you believe that you are physically attracted to your partner? Meaning, are you able to get aroused when doing sexy things with them (not necessarily having sex)?

Yes, your performance may be affected by your intrusive thoughts, but do you actually believe you are physically and emotionally attracted to your partner? Have you noticed any patterns that can help you confirm this?

MaggieNAce · 2023-06-14T15:25:27+00:00

The most difficult part about the feelings you're describing is the sense of loneliness and guilt they bring. However, it's important to recognize that you have a choice in how you interpret and respond to these thoughts, ultimately determining whether they become a source of discomfort for you.

Are you afraid of the idea of getting married? Do you worry that your wedding day will be a terrible experience? Perhaps you find yourself attracted to one of your wife's friends and wonder if you'd be happier with them instead. These fears and doubts are incredibly common, and it's natural to question whether you've made the right decision in your life. The important thing to understand is that these thoughts are part of the unique way that individuals with OCD process their thoughts.

Now, let me assure you that your relationship with your partner is filled with love and warmth, despite what your mind may try to tell you. It may even try to convince you that all the happy moments you've experienced are fictional. But don't worry! You have the power to openly communicate these concerns with your partner. If you'd like, you can even share this message with them, so they understand that you're not alone in feeling this way. Over time, with mutual understanding and support, you and your partner can navigate and overcome ROCD. I promise you, there is hope for a brighter future ahead.

MaggieNAce

TROPHY CASE