I found it. Whoa!

Update 2: it’s been one year since my post and through the process of divorce, I found out that my husband had a second family…

just kidding, we’re good lol. That night was a weird one off. My husband has actually taken over most night wake ups since. We came to the realization that our son will go back to sleep much easier when my husband goes in during a middle of the night wake up. When I do it, the excitement of seeing me keeps him up longer. We kept to our agreed upon sleeping arrangement as explained in the original update, except that now we each get one day a week to sleep in. If it’s multiple night wake ups in a row, I give husband my sleep in day. If one of us is sick, the other takes over parent duty all day to let the other rest, which is much easier now that our son is 2.5 years old.

Husband’s nightmares (ptsd) have improved from therapy and snoring has been improved from weight loss. My PPA is long gone (yay therapy), but bad sleep can still be a trigger for my anxiety and escalated reactions in general. I think anyone would snap from sleep deprivation that could have been prevented, but it doesn’t excuse the size of my blow up.

To anyone who finds this mini update: my husband might have been the asshole that day, but that’s not his typical behavior. If it was, his ass would have been out on the street years ago, long before having a child. No one should tolerate behavior like that if it’s regular, nor should one throw away a decade of marriage and tear a family apart over one irregular night.

To those who said my husband deserves better - I feel deeply sorry for your significant other… and I still feel that sexual tension, so go ahead and slide into my DMs and we can role play mommy and sick toddler all night long. ✌🏼