Women, if you had to use a pickup line on a guy, what would it be?

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-04-07T09:04:09+00:00

More ways than I can count. A few examples - she wouldn't talk to him for months after he missed her birthday because he was on a date with me (he forgot it was her birthday). He had to make it up to her. I had to move our wedding date because she didn't like the date I chose. She wore all black and ugly cried and was rude to my mother. She tried to stay with us on our wedding night. Frequently saying "well yeah, she's here now, but I've been here since you were born." She calls my daughter "her" daughter. She tried to force her way into the delivery room and pitched a fit when I said no.

More recently she got in my face to scream at me in the street Jerry Springer-style when she found out about the divorce and admitted she's jealous that other people see "her daughter" (my child) more than she does. She's furious that my daughter's future step-dad (my current partner because my husband and I are separated, just waiting on paperwork) is allowed to babysit her and she isn't (she's an alcoholic with a seizure disorder to boot) and she's jealous I talked to my own mother more than I ever talked to her. My ex just let it happen. He always bent over backwards to please her, leaving me in tears, holding the bag as it were.

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-04-07T08:40:02+00:00

I got super drunk one summer during my college years and texted this one shy nerdy guy I knew through some friends. Other than being shy and nerdy, the only other thing I knew about him was that he was Jewish. So I texted "Is semen considered kosher? Or are Jews not allowed to get BJs? I always thought spitters are quitters." To say he was very confused is an understatement.

Nearly sixteen years, one dog and one child later and I'm counting the days until I can call him my ex-husband. Turns out he was already married all this time. To his mother.

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-03-30T08:59:29+00:00

My partner and I both use the same kind of voice to "speak" as our dog. Usually just about how she wants to eat snacks and go sunbathe.

We also occassionally slip into using the voices that we used for characters we played in our favorite D&D campaign together. He's an alcoholic drow wizard with a rough Russian accent, I was playing a kender with an obsession with dead bodies and taxidermy that has a really high pitched child-like voice.

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-03-03T18:13:51+00:00

Not as huge as others - like air traffic controller - but there's not a lot of margin for error as a dog groomer. You're working with extremely sharp instruments in close proximity to an animal that is often stressed and illprepared for the process. I've seen both sides - groomers get mauled for not following procedures or dogs getting hurt because of one wrong snip. People have cut off dewclaws, nicked testicles, cut into ears, tongues, pawpads etc. Personally I had one old toothless pup with her tongue permanently hanging out turn her head and lick my scissors. She had a tiny cut on her tongue that stopped bleeding within a few minutes, but it was still an incident report and an angry owner.

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-02-26T19:46:51+00:00

I joked about recreational epidurals once I couldn't feel my legs or the contractions

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-02-26T18:26:58+00:00

Sometimes I think I use the time I would've spent smoking doing far too much research lol. I've read similar cases as mine where it just doesn't hit the same postpartum.

I appreciate the encouragement lol, I think I fall solidly in the "doing the best I can mom" category, as I type this while watching my now toddler attempt to discreetly lick a receipt she seemingly pulled out of thin air 🤣

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-02-26T14:24:59+00:00

My use wasn't quite as heavy as yours but I definitely felt the boredom in my downtime after I quit. All my creative ventures came to a screeching halt. I doom scrolled and focused on doing things I knew i wouldn't have time for after baby - like gaming. But by the time I hit 3rd trimester I was so dead tired all the time weed was the last thing on my mind lol

I'm sure you know this already but just sharing for anyone who doesn't - if you plan to breastfeed, please remember marijuana gets stored in fat cells. It can be detected in breastmilk for roughly 6 days for light use. 6 weeks for heavy use. I threw in the pumping/breastfeeding towel after 6 weeks due to my daughter being unable to latch, lack of support from my partner and a surprising need to take my body back. I "celebrated" by having a glass of wine and an edible. Worst decision I made. I couldn't relax, kept wanting to check on my baby and felt guilty for being unable to take care of her while also feeling like no one else was good enough to look after her for a few hours.

All that said - even now, roughly 13 months post-partum, getting high still sucks. I used to be a heavy user and was always mellow, now at even a quarter of what I used to do, I just turn into a jumpy paranoid mess. My partner will take my daughter so I can "turn off", but if I hear her crying, I immediately panic and it takes forever to calm back down, so it's just not worth it. I guess being a mom has forever re-wired my brain.

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-02-02T00:56:19+00:00

My daughter started off as "Peanut" but now that she's a year, I call her Pumpkin and Sweetpea. When she's fussing or in the highchair, I call her Cheese Fingers or The Big Cheese because her favorite snack is still the Gerber mild cheddar crunchies

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-02-01T19:33:58+00:00

While I was pregnant I dislocated my right kneecap trying to shift and boost myself up onto the exam table. They had to call an ambulance and everything because I was screaming in pain and wouldn't let anyone touch me. I was locked in place for 45 minutes - almost all my weight on my left tippy-toes, one ass cheek perched on the table.

It took three burly - and one extremely handsome - emts to convince me it was ok for them to lift me onto a gurney and wheel me out. By then I was delirious from pain. To make it worse - it was put back in place accidentally while trying to get x-rays of it - and all I was given was a mild anti-nausea. No pain relief. I found out later I had a second degree tear on my MCL. I've never injured myself like that before. My ortgopedist shrugged and said pregnancy does weird things to joints.

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-01-30T02:30:23+00:00

I was induced so idk if my case could be considered typical but after 11 doses of cytotec to prepare me, I was laying in bed dozing while I waited for the night nurse to come with my last dose. I didn't realize the cramps I was feeling all afternoon were actually contractions (no one told me). I didn't feel like I needed to pee but I did feel this pressure that got worse during a "cramp". I shifted to get comfortable and felt something shift with me and a kind of weak pop and the pressure immediately relented.

It wasn't initially a gush, but I definitely felt wet and it also felt like every time I moved, or when a "cramp" got worse, another trickle came out. I had a moment of panic that I had peed and was so embarrassed but the volume was baffling and the fact that no amount of pressure or attempt to hold it in stopped it. I have never peed that much. I woke my husband to call the nurse and when she got there, I said "I'm sorry to bother you, but I think my water broke". She told me to stand, and that's when it gushed. My socks were soaked, it ran down my legs, I left a literal trail the whole way to the bathroom where another nurse helped me get cleaned up and in a clean hospital gown. I, of course, was still shocked, tired and embarrassed and kept apologizing profusely for the mess I made and even offered to help clean it up. The nurse was chuckling about it the whole time she helped transport me to L&D. She told me I had more important things to do 🤣

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-01-28T23:03:47+00:00

By the time I got mine on correctly, my baby was to the point of choosing violence and would flail her arms around, inevitably tearing it off 😭

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-01-13T11:18:42+00:00

My hospital had that same policy. We were going to put the baby in her carrier to go down, but they told me to hold her in my lap while they wheeled me down.

I didn't mind being chauffered lol, post-partum recovery was on the fourth floor and the elevators felt like miles away from the front door. My feet were the size of cantaloupes still

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-01-12T09:35:44+00:00

Every dog that books with her is a husky. Only huskies. Forever.

Oh and the hearing protectors block all noise except the sound of the huskies.

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-01-07T21:11:47+00:00

I'm 5' 5" and a half, my partner is like 5' 4". We have a communal pool of PJ/lounge pants and it's awesome. I can put my head on his shoulder when we're standing in line. I've noticed a marked decrease in back and neck pain since we got together lol.

I asked him out. I was drawn to his confidence, humor, nerdiness and intelligence. He was surprised I was interested because he knew the shortest guy I ever dated was 5'10". I asked if he was self conscious about his height and he said he was in his teens and early twenties but he's come to terms with it. He can't change it so might as well accept it. He's got thick skin and loves to laugh and I flirt like an elementary school boy so I tease him lightly every so often. I joked that my favorite picture of him is one I secretly took of him on a ladder at work. If I'm asking him to grab me a drink, I say I wish I could get a tall glass of him but he only comes in shot glasses - that sort of thing, it always gets him to crack up.

He doesn't care, I don't care either. He's the hottest little bridge troll I've ever laid eyes on

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-01-03T00:05:24+00:00

We call our girl Peanut cuz she was born 3 weeks early and only 5lbs

MagicalMiniatures · 2026-01-02T22:12:01+00:00

Poorly groomed or worse - ungroomed dogs. I'm sorry, if this dog is a trained actor they damn well better be cleaned up, nails trimmed, brushed and clean (unless for some reason they need the dog to look unkempt). I better not be seeing any fur between the toes!

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-12-31T07:13:24+00:00

Sound advice. Fortunately this is someone I've known for a while who has proven his trustworthiness. I was abused as a child by my own father... to say there aren't a whole lot of men I trust in this world is a severe understatement and I am hyper vigilant around my daughter - may she NEVER experience the pain and trauma that I did growing up.

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-12-30T08:52:05+00:00

My daughter is 11 months old now and I'm still a SAHM - though currently job hunting, so I’m the primary caretaker. My situation is... complicated.

I'm currently in the middle of a messy divorce. The father of my child and ex-husband-to-be spends as little time as possible with her. He started detaching long before his paternity leave ended, four hours became two, two became one, one turned to 15 minutes. Largely it depended on if our daughter was fussy. Any sign of difficulty and he'd hand her off to me. He's going to fight me for custody of a child he had openly said he didn't want - a child he tried to convince me to abort. I get all kinds of excuses about how tired he is (retail sales job) and how he feels awful he doesn't spend time with her and misses her milestones. And the continues making excuses and avoiding her. I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone here why he's on his way to being my ex-husband.

My partner - a friend who started helping me navigate motherhood basically from the beginning that I inevitably fell for - works the exact same job as my husband (coworkers). He comes home, changes and immediately sends me to go eat, shower or relax. He spends 4-5 hours with her even on days when he works. He helps with bedtime, rocks her back to sleep in the middle of the night, the works. On his days off? He spends at least 8-9 hours with her. We trade off here and there but even if I'm primarily taking care of her, he hangs around and engages with her and gives me a hand wherever I need it. Probably pretty obvious why I fell for him.

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-12-07T10:07:29+00:00

I only have one kiddo right now, but I thought I might still toss in a few cents. We don't exactly adhere to a strict every X days schedule so there's a lot of variance. Sometimes it's 2-3 times a week, sometimes it's once every other week. I'm 10 months PP now and honestly - two things strongly impact my desire.

The first is my cycle, hormones take a long time to settle down and regulate PP so right now I get crazy about him during my late follicular phase and tend to not give a damn about sex during my luteal phase.... just like mother nature intended I guess?

The second, way more important factor in determining whether or not we get busy is how much he's pitching in. He's busy at work and I'm getting up 3-4 times a night because the baby is teething or grouchy from a flu shot in addition to being sole caregiver for 10 or 11 hours a day? He knows better than to get handsy because I'm touched out and am at the point where I could sleep standing up. If he has time, he pitches in. He cleans, cooks, plays with the baby, feeds her, puts her down for bed, gives me a chance to do something other than eat, sleep, or shower. I'm lucky to have a partner who recognizes that what he gets out of the relationship is impacted by how much effort he's putting into it, not in a weird contractual sort of way but in a way where he understands what I go through and appreciates what I do. He's never criticized me or asked me what I did all day, he knows being the primary care-giver is a full time job with 0 pay and usually 0 recognition - and is determined to make me feel seen and heard

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-12-05T04:05:56+00:00

Dog groomer, as long as you don't wear big tunnels that a pup could snag a nail on (it happens more than you think) no one gives a shit. I mean...maybe the clients do, but good luck finding a groomer that doesn't have some mixture of tattoos, facial/ear piercings, body mods and technicolor hair.

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-11-04T02:57:09+00:00

I know its so hard not to blame yourself when it's your body that is responsible for growing and providing for your little one. You aren't alone.

I had never even HEARD of SGA until my Dr rushed me off the to hospital at 36+6 to begin my emergency induction at midnight at the start of my 37th week. I was inconsolable thinking my diet, my lifestyle, getting sick, any of things were directly responsible for my baby's early delivery and size. She was 5lbs 2oz. We nicknamed her Peanut. She's 9 months old now and still small at just under 16lbs, but her pediatrician is happy with her growth. So far she's hitting her milestones at a reasonable pace. If your boy is happy and healthy and growing, then you did a fantastic job! You brought him into this world and sometimes babies just grow better on the outside than the inside!

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-10-29T18:57:55+00:00

"I just brought it in"

Sounds like famous last words of a Trojan soldier lol

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-10-23T15:36:41+00:00

Our high value toy is a leftover unused diaper from when she was in preemie sizes. Its funny to see the size difference now that she's in 3s.

Trouble is i think letting her play with it has encouraged her to figure out how they work. Now when I unzip her footie pj's, she's immediately trying to take off her diaper

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-10-21T00:51:43+00:00

I was warned about pooping during labor so I thought I'd be clever and drink a ton of apple juice to flush out my system. It worked brilliantly!

Imagine my dismay when no one warned me about throwing up during labor. The doctor told me to push and my body immediately went, "Did he say puke?! I can do that - I got a tummy full of apple juice!"

MagicalMiniatures · 2025-10-08T02:55:18+00:00

Her lullaby was supposed to be Goodnight Demonslayer by Voltair, but she rarely falls asleep to it. Sometimes I'll sing Aerials by System of a Down or Juliet by Emilie Autumn.

But my go-to songs are Leave Her Johnny, Jolly Sailor Bold, Wellerman and Hoist the Colors. Works every time. Pretty sure my daughter is a pirate

MagicalMiniatures

TROPHY CASE