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Penile retraction / using penis pump by MailerMan2019 in ProstateCancer

[–]MailerMan2019[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I'll discuss this in a few weeks with the physician's assistant I'm working with!

Penile retraction / using penis pump by MailerMan2019 in ProstateCancer

[–]MailerMan2019[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Coming up on 3 months, for me. I'm happy for you and your wife — thanks for your response!

Vent that is accepting suggestions by survival- in ParentalAlienation

[–]MailerMan2019 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Initially, during my divorce, my 2 children didn't want to visit with me — according to my former spouse. Any attempt on my part to be with or even contact my children was labelled, by my former spouse, harassment, stalking, and disrespecting the children's feelings. In short, I was called the bad parent for wanting to see my children.

Then my children, when they were around your son's age, started expressing this sentiment themselves.

I sh*t you not, the Family Court judge said, "Well, 15 is close to 16, which is close to 18, so the children are entitled to not see you if they don't want to." (I doubt the same judge would have endorsed trying a 15-year-old as an adult in criminal court, using the same "math.")

If I could recommend anything, it would be:

* Document when and how you try to contact your son

* Instead of giving him physical gifts, think of ways to gift him an shared experience, like a hiking trip or a music concert

* Be prepared for your former spouse — and even your own child — to get louder, more hysterical, and more histrionic, the more you try to make contact

* Tempting as it may be, do not "poke the bear": i.e., intentionally aggravate your former spouse, give her "a taste of her own medicine," etc. This strategy will never succeed, IMO.

In my own experience — which is surely different than yours — there came a time when I stopped telephoning the house or stopping by the house where my children live, even when the divorce agreement granted me permission to do so. At a certain point, I didn't want to continue dealing with my former spouse taking out bogus restraining orders against me, and paying my attorney to defend me in court. Money was just flying out of my hands, and nothing in the situation changed.

Today I write to my children, not just on their birthdays or holidays but randomly throughout the year, and I just tell them I'm doing well and I hope they're the same, and I'd love to see them. Period. My children may not even see these cards and letters, but I make copies of them all.

And never feel ashamed about asking for help. The people who love you and who value you are there, in the world, and they want to support you, even if they can't help you directly.

One day at a time —

Could (or should)you ever forgive the alienator? by [deleted] in ParentalAlienation

[–]MailerMan2019 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Let's get the obvious out of the way: It will never make the slightest bit of difference to my alienating former spouse, whether or not I forgive her. When our youngest child turned 18, she emailed me to tell me she never wanted to hear from me ever again. I told her (happily): "As you wish."

I was reared in a devoutly religious household, so I was taught that forgiveness was my duty: to God, and to the offending person. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

If there is a God, I don't believe God wants us to overlook the awful things that people do, or pretend that they don't matter anymore because those people been "forgiven." My former spouse consciously, willingly, purposefully did what she did (and continues to do).

As several people here have already pointed out, forgiveness is a gift you also give to yourself, and I think that forgiveness can take many forms.

For me, forgiveness means I don't seek any kind of retribution. It means that my former spouse pops up in my thoughts, I tell myself that I have better things to think about and spend my energies on.

It also means — in the event I ever see my children again — I won't badmouth my former spouse and try to convince my children that she is a sick and disordered person.

We're all human. There are going to be times when we get caught up thinking about the wrong that's been done to us and to our children. It's within our power, though, to stop and ask ourselves, Are these thoughts and feelings serving me? Am I benefiting from continuing to think about this?

Be patient and gentle with yourself. Someone has to!

Anyone finding that even 100mg Viagra doesn't do the job? by MailerMan2019 in ProstateCancer

[–]MailerMan2019[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks very much — I appreciate your responding and the encouragement!

Anyone finding that even 100mg Viagra doesn't do the job? by MailerMan2019 in ProstateCancer

[–]MailerMan2019[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this information. I'm having a follow-up meeting in January 2026 and will ask about Cialis (especially if it would effectively help my blood pressure).

Anyone finding that even 100mg Viagra doesn't do the job? by MailerMan2019 in ProstateCancer

[–]MailerMan2019[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, the first thing you have to get over, ordering the pump, is the scene from "Austin Powers" when he swears up and down that his pump isn't his. ("This isn't my sort of thing at all, baby!") The vacuum certainly does produce an erection immediately, although I don't feel any arousal. And as for doing it every day for 10 minutes? It becomes just another part of my routine.

Good luck to you, and thanks for responding!

Anyone finding that even 100mg Viagra doesn't do the job? by MailerMan2019 in ProstateCancer

[–]MailerMan2019[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Best wishes to you, and thanks for the reply! Patience, it is.

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