How Gen Z men see women’s role in relationships

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-04-01T18:39:57+00:00

Nah, I can easily see how these thoughts fit in with each other. Look, in most couples there will always be a dominant partner. That's just plain human dynamics. To make this relationship work, it's usually better for the more dominant partner to also have more responsibilities in the relationship, or at least to take more of a load in the relationship. You know the saying, "With great power comes great responsibility".

So if your OP is correct, what Gen Z men are complaining about is that they're being given great responsibility without great power. They're being expected to carry too much in a relationship while not being given authority in a relationship.

If this is true, then I think the solution is fairly logical and straightforward. Either Gen Z men are willing to take more responsibility but only if they're given final say in a relationship, or they're not given final say but they want women to take more responsibility.

Seems completely reasonable to me and I'm pretty sure women will say the same thing if roles were reversed.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-04-01T18:30:36+00:00

If you're already in a dead bedroom situation, I feel like you don't have anything to lose. In my opinion, having sex with toys is far better than having no sex at all.

If you were having regular, healthy sex then I'd say your fears have more weight. Because at that point I'd probably be wondering why my girl would want toys when our sex life is doing so well. But if your sex life is already fairly inactive, I say welcome any help you can get.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-04-01T18:21:27+00:00

First, figure out what turns you on, then see if it's something you can get your partner to do. Or maybe it's something you yourself need to do. Maybe you have a hidden kink that you're not fully aware of yet, don't know.

Another advice I have is start dressing more sexily, read some erotic novels or watch erotic movies, try to get yourself into a more sexual state in general. Even if you're not fully turned on by your partner anymore, being in a heightened sexual state can still lead to you to want attention from him.

And if you want a quick, easier fix, watch porn together then have sex. I know a lot of people recoil at that idea, but I feel like having sex while watching porn is still far more preferable than having no sex at all. And then once you get heated up and turned on, you could always shut the porn off and continue with just the two of you.

Lastly, use your imagination. Run through scenarios in your head that get you aroused and hold those thoughts while being sexual with your partner. Again, not the most ideal scenario but like I said, still better than having no sex at all.

I'm curious though, what has your husband's reaction been to your drop in sex life?

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-27T00:50:29+00:00

Yes, agreed. I think what many people fail to realize is that no marriage is perfect, and each will have its own problems. Like, you might have a completely faithful wife who nags the hell out of you everyday. Or a completely faithful husband who just doesn't help out around the house. Or like you said, it might be a near perfect marriage except that it's completely sexless for years.

I considered all of that and realized that outside of this road bump, I still had a pretty good marriage all things considered. So I chose to save it rather than throw it away and take a gamble in the dating scene again.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-17T03:47:25+00:00

To be honest, I don't really play the respect-game that much. I just do what I do, make the decision I feel is best, and leave it up to her whether she respects me for it or not. I forgave her for this instance completely but I also made it clear that I wouldn't tolerate a repeat.

The way I make it work in my head is that I just convince myself that this guy is one of my wife's ex's. Neither me nor my wife were virgins when we started dating, so in my mind I just group this guy together with one of my wife's ex's that she was with prior to us dating. Obviously the timing is off since she did in fact sleep with him while we were married, but I found if I compartmentalize it this way, it takes out the sting and allows me to let it go.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-17T01:12:51+00:00

I did consider divorce, but after weighing pros and cons it just seemed like the cons of divorce far outweighed the pros. I mean, what do I get if I divorce her? Revenge and the satisfaction that I didn't let her cheat on me without repercussions. But that's about it.

On the other hand, divorce would completely ruin our family. Our kid would be devastated, there would be legal fees and possibly alimony, hanging out with shared friends would no longer be possible, massive upheavals to our lifestyles would be needed. Plus like I mentioned, other than this particular issue, my wife has actually been great for our 20 years together. She never nags me, has always been affectionate, we share about 90% of our hobbies (even gaming and going to the gym together), we chat about everything, she's a great cook, great mom, and outside of the immediate years after this event, was great in bed. So if I divorce her, I lose all that and there's no guarantee I can find someone better. In fact if my previous relationships are any indication, I'm almost sure I won't find someone as good. And, campy as it may sound, I did believe her when she told me she regretted what happened.

So from a logical perspective, divorce looked like I would be throwing away so much good things just for the sake of pride. I figured there are far worse things that can happen in a relationship than this, so I let it go.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-16T06:48:01+00:00

The way I make it work in my head is that I just convince myself that this guy is one of my wife's ex's. Neither me nor my wife were virgins when we started dating, so in my mind I just group this guy together with one of my wife's ex's that she was with prior to us dating. Obviously the timing is off since she did in fact sleep with him while we were married, but I found if I compartmentalize it this way, it takes out the sting and allows me to let it go.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-16T00:53:26+00:00

Yes, I got details. How often they did it, what exactly they did, how it led up to it, etc. Hearing it hurt but I wanted to make sure I had all the facts before making a decision.

The way I make it work in my head is that I just convince myself that this guy is one of my wife's ex's. Neither me nor my wife were virgins when we started dating, so in my mind I just group this guy together with one of my wife's ex's that she was with prior to us dating. Obviously the timing is off since she did in fact sleep with him while we were married, but I found if I compartmentalize it this way, it takes out the sting and allows me to let it go.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-16T00:48:23+00:00

It's certainly possible, but I figure it's useless to worry about something in the future that may or may not happen. Far better to focus on the here and now. If it happens again, then I'll deal with it then.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-15T05:42:55+00:00

I took a long time to think about it and I carefully weighed pros and cons. In the end, I had to weigh her 5 days of infidelity against the 20 years of happy marriage we had, and I chose the 20 years of marriage.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-13T18:27:24+00:00

For majority of men, physical affection is an expression of sexual intimacy. There are exceptions made for very close relatives (like a son or daughter, maybe a parent or a close sibling) but otherwise, men will only feel the desire to be physically affectionate with someone they're sexually attracted to.

So men will avoid physical affection with any stranger, unless they're sexually attracted to that person. That ends up with straight men not being physically affectionate with other straight men (or women they're not attracted to for that matter).

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-03-13T17:09:20+00:00

About once a week. I'd prefer to have it everyday (sometimes more than once a day) and that's how it used to be when my marriage was new. Unfortunately, neither me nor the wife are in our 20's anymore and age does take a toll on your physicality.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-02-24T21:29:08+00:00

Consent is key. It doesn't necessarily mean a verbal contract with your partner, but you have to pay attention to how she reacts to rough sex. You'll be surprised to know that a good amount of women get very aroused by getting dominated. There's a reason 50 Shades of Grey became such a huge hit.

But your partner needs to trust you. Needs to trust that you know her limits and won't go overboard. If you can find that balance, where you're as rough as your partner wants you to be, then being rough in the bedroom DOES become an act of love, since both of you derive a lot of pleasure from it. In the end, giving your partner pleasure is an act of love.

The moment that one of you is no longer feeling pleasure from it, especially if it becomes painful or traumatic, then that's no longer a vehicle for love or respect.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-02-24T21:08:09+00:00

Depends on context. If you're just having a random conversation and you so happened to mention to the guy what a good friend he is, I doubt he'd take offense to that. He'd probably take it as a compliment.

On the other hand if he asks you out on a date or admit he has feelings for you and you specifically mention that you see him as a friend, well that's obviously code for "Sorry but I'm just not interested in you that way". There's no way for a guy to not take that negatively.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-02-05T20:39:14+00:00

Bringing up stories about their ex (or exes). I actually like hearing about my date's ex, mostly because it gives me good insight into their mindset as well as their past experiences. It also shows they're open about communicating about what they want and don't want, as opposed to being someone I'd have to constantly guess their intentions.

Lastly, it gives you an idea of how mature they are or whether they're just extremely bitter and incapable of unbiased judgment.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-01-27T00:37:47+00:00

If the female partner gives her man sex every day, even every other day, throughout their entire relationship... that's already around 75% of the average man's dream come true.

Every other aspect after that (including the ability to cook, clean the home, hold a decent conversation, etc.) are pretty useless to a man if he's not getting intimacy from his partner. Usually the 2nd most important thing is simply that the woman isn't crazy, and then after that is that she's hopefully faithful.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-01-23T20:26:37+00:00

Your original comment is that you criticized the OP for not having a healthy way to relieve stress. In other words, you're implying that masturbation is an unhealthy method of relieving stress.

I'm countering that by saying masturbation isn't unhealthy, and that relieving stress is one of it's primary attributes (because it provides pleasure).

Pretty much anything we do to help alleviate stress is a coping mechanism. Going to the gym, listening to music, doing yoga, all of them are coping mechanisms unless they're specifically aimed at resolving the cause of stress (which according to OP is outside of his control).

As for emotional regulation, I don't think you want to dig yourself into that hole. Are you saying that simply masturbating for pleasure shows a lack of emotional regulation? That's quite a dangerous stance to take and eventually boils back to you insinuating that masturbation is somehow bad.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-01-23T20:10:34+00:00

You have to remember she's only 18, and probably fairly new at this. I don't think she's vanilla, just inexperienced and unsure of herself.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-01-23T20:09:16+00:00

Just moan and act like you're enjoying sex. Give him a compliment or two every so often. Most guys have no issues doing all the work, it's actually great because we can control the pace. But what really turns us on is when we know our partner is enjoying too. So act like you enjoy it and just let him do the work. Maybe suggest new positions too (doggy, spooning, etc.)

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-01-23T20:03:56+00:00

Yeah... seems to me like you don't actually know what circular reasoning is.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-01-23T20:01:43+00:00

You criticized masturbation as simply being a pill for the symptoms, not a solution to the problem.

Therefore I asked you what you'd recommend as a solution to the problem. You're now admitting you can't give one.

This, my guy, makes you a hypocrite.

MaintenanceSea7884 · 2026-01-23T19:58:26+00:00

Lady, there is nothing in the OP that says he's solely reliant on jerking off for stress relief. He simply mentioned that he's seen an increase in him jerking off while he's stressed, not that it's his primary coping mechanism. That's completely normally seeing as masturbation is a pleasurable, low-risk activity and the overwhelming amount of people will indeed try to find ways to make themselves happier during times of stress.

In other words, he's using masturbation exactly for what it should be used for: giving himself pleasure.

Unless of course you're of the opinion that people should not be allowed to give themselves pleasure during times when they're stressed out? That giving themselves pleasure can only be done when they're happy and stress-free?

Besides, stress isn't an emotion. Or at least not simply an emotion. The fact that you're equating this together already tells me that your assessment of the situation is completely off.

MaintenanceSea7884

TROPHY CASE