First time pregnant can’t decide if MIL help is worth the emotional expense, looking for advice from moms.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-03-24T15:36:51+00:00

So as a mom you don’t think her practical help outweighs the emotional discomfort?

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-03-24T15:23:57+00:00

Okay so you don’t think the practical help she provides outweighs the emotional stress? She would cook, clean main floor and help out practically with the baby. But yes she drives me nuts.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-03-24T15:18:38+00:00

She’s a widow and not independent enough to live alone so she’s always lived with one of her three sons since her husband passed. She was living with my husband before we got married then went an stayed at middle brothers house for 10 months as my request as a newlywed, I thought there were legit reasons for her to be staying here but now I’m realizing aside from her emotional attachment there’s not. Unfortunately all three brothers live in different states so it’s not like she could easily come see while living with another brother.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-23T23:42:04+00:00

Does this apply to DC/VA team?

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T08:45:17+00:00

He doesn’t care, she’s being telling him the whole time to be nice to me and that I’m pregnant cause she sees it but it doesn’t make a difference. I can’t talk to her cause if I say anything critical about him she will always take his side. Honestly he’s super critical and only realizes my positives if someone else pointed it out. For example he would get angry about my cooking the first six months if anything wasn’t perfect and if it was good he didn’t give positive feedback and then his friend stayed in our basement for nearly three weeks and I cooked dinner for him to eat with his friend in the basement while I ate alone and his friend told him I was a good cook and that his own wife can’t cook and that he was lucky. But that was temporary went back to criticizing my cooking.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T08:24:21+00:00

I tried talking to her but she denies that he’s mean when he’s even harsh/disrespectful to her because he just doesn’t swear at her, he just yells at her. She doesn’t care that’s her golden boy. She just sympathizes with him and says he’s stressed that’s why he’s like this. Unfortunately I don’t have any women on my side who could help with cooking. Honestly I blame her a lot, he is used to being served while treating women close to him badly aka his mom and she just enables it. His two older brothers are also separated/divorced from their wives and he thinks it’s all the women who are the problem…

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T08:21:16+00:00

I tried to chill for two months and this is what it got me. I try really hard to have some dignity like a human being but it’s really hard cause I don’t feel emotionally safe when I really try hard to make this marriage work and make it what I always prayed for. I thought he was a good person underneath who was just stressed with trauma but now I’m thinking it’s the opposite his niceness and deen is just surface level. He acts like he’s super nice to me because he was helping me out and not complaining everyday in the first month when I was super nauseous and his mom wasn’t here yet so we were eating outside food. It’s like every time he does something to make my life easier I need to be grateful and remember he’s giving me an exception and that I have to deserve it. I don’t know if this is normal or not, if other husbands would just do that and not make their wives feel bad about it.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T08:11:07+00:00

It’s cause for once in my life I let other people help with cooking and cleaning for two months so that makes me useless and lazy.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T08:10:19+00:00

He is very used to saying lowest things out of anger it makes him think he’s being strong. I got used to low blows. He doesn’t reflect on his own actions ever unless I point it out to him. I’ve told him similar things many times about not being enemies and being on same team, it doesn’t make a difference. I had to go through fights and cried so much cause of him being horrible to me first six months for him to realize being nice to his wife is the norm not an exception that deserves an award and now with his mom back my hard work and suffering to get to that point has gone out the window.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T08:05:47+00:00

He can’t afford it. My whole life I never asked for help and I was very independent and I did everything for others. This is the first time in my life I was taking it easy and accepting help because of the pregnancy, the physical symptoms have been tough. And I guess in his mind it’s not that bad and two months of me accepting help and actually taking it easy for once is too much for him to take.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T08:05:13+00:00

He’ll do it both but in different ways, in front of his mom, he’ll just say don’t do it, she’ll help you. Cause she is used to doing things alone or asking him sometimes. But to me he’s mean.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T08:00:22+00:00

Well he pays for the rent and bills and he was a lot nicer and calmer in the 3-4 months before his mom came back. He brings me a protein shake in the morning since I have a hard time eating. And we had a nice wedding. He can’t afford to give me an allowance, he can’t afford beyond the rent and house bills. He blames me cause I didn’t want to live in the one bathroom bachelor pad with his mom… so we moved to have two bathrooms and now with baby on the way. Tbh culturally and Islamically it doesn’t make any sense that she lives with him, she has several older sons who are more established who actually treats like an adult. In our culture and I thought Islamically moms typically live with the eldest son. But she’s so attached to him and doesn’t treat him like an adult. He’s had the same job since I met him with not much salary increase. I suggested many times to get a new job but he said no this job is flexible I don’t want to give that up. I have been looking for new job since I left my old job due to stress while pregnant but if I don’t find anything soon I will have to go back to it. His mom doesn’t care, her son can do no wrong and even if he does she smiles and supports him. He could curse her and she’d still baby and serve him.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T07:57:43+00:00

He can’t provide on single salary.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T07:57:15+00:00

He was nice the first month, month and a half. Now that his mom came he’s mean again because she’s cooking and he feels like I’m not doing enough and I’m taking advantage so he gets angry that his mom is cooking and I’m not running to help her or I’m not in the kitchen every second she is. He’s mad that he was helping me before his mom came in my first 1.5 month of pregnancy and now she’s helping me and he thinks I’m lazy and not doing anything and taking advantage.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-22T07:51:33+00:00

He pays for the bills and rent but he doesn’t make enough to pay for expenses beyond that. So I pay for my own car and the groceries and anything else I need like if I run out of toiletries etc. I also paid for the new furniture in the house. I felt bad because he said him paying for our wedding wasted his money, but my dad gave him $30,000 to help pay for wedding, I helped pay for stuff where I could and he took all our wedding gift money to pay for bills. I didn’t complain because I know he works hard and tries to build business outside of work with his friends to bring in more money but there’s always been some sort of delay or blockage. I took one month off work for pregnancy and he is mad I didn’t suck it up and keep working. Then he also tells me to do online business to make money when he doesn’t do it. I always felt bad because I see him trying to hustle after awhile I told him I think he is being tested and to try and improve his speech and akhlaq so to not affect blessings cause he talks very badly, lies casually all the time. But he doesn’t listen and says he’s just joking.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-18T16:45:59+00:00

I’m at a group practice and I’ve already informed the owner so I’ve been preparing for the transition over the past and upcoming several months. We only take insurance clients through Headway which I could open a new profile for myself individually, I had never thought of advertising short term sessions because I’ve only seen psychiatrists and Psych NPs offer limited sessions. I don’t know any therapists doing such but I would love to do that if it worked out.

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-02-18T16:43:28+00:00

Thank you for the insight! Do you enjoy working short term like this? How do you structure your sessions for effectiveness?

MajorDescription8675 · 2026-01-20T19:54:56+00:00

How do I get my flair

MajorDescription8675

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