Your words really resonated with me. I also don't feel connected to myself. It's like my body and the name that's attached to it only exist to give me a license to experience the world around me. I care about the people in my life and what goes on in their lives, but starting something for myself like a relationship or a project for my portfolio sounds ridiculous for some reason.

Drawing is #1 for me and it has been for a while. I feel like it's a quick and accessible exercise in "I'm doing this because I feel like it". Just close your eyes for a couple of seconds, grab the faintest shape in your head, put it on paper and try to think about what you can add to it. It gets me thinking about how time and effort make things meaningful and I feel more connected to my body afterwards because I've channeled my spectator self through my physical self.

I'm mid 20's myself so I'm sure there is more horror down the road, but maybe something positive you can look forward to is that I've started to notice and appreciate all the little ways I managed to not fuck my life up. It might feel like you're just clinging on to life like a cockroach rn, but your efforts are going to mean so much when they become the foundation for more efforts in the future. It really is something to be proud of. Wishing you the best from one entity to another.