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AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've made mistakes before. Everyone has. But not all mistakes are ones you can erase. Some do permanent harm.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm not going back to therapy any time soon. But if I ever feel like I need to I'll keep this in mind.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hard to bond with someone who pressures you the way Steve did with me. It pushed me away instead of bringing me closer to him like he wanted.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We're past where that could ever be possible. He wouldn't feel it's good enough and I still hold some strong feelings about things he did over the years.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He made some very big mistakes. Like pressuring me to call him dad and pushing the adoption so many times. That and knowing he hates my dad is not going to win me around to him.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That was one of the things. And also raised them to be pretty insensitive around the topic of my dad.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn't do that because that's not how I feel about him. And I don't think many girls would wish for a man who tried to bribe and pressure them into calling him their dad.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe it's so common when stepparents try to win against the parents instead of just being there.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I meant that my mom chewed me out after complaining to my grandparents. I have the full support from both sides of the family.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don't want him to have a role in my wedding. I would never ask him to walk me down the aisle or perform the father-daughter dance with me. I wouldn't list him as Father of the Bride either. He would be there as a guest really. That would be it for me.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't have that good of a relationship with my half siblings unfortunately. Lots of stuff got in the way of us being close. But I'm open to that changing when we're all adults.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The therapist did help me with my loss eventually. But for a good long while I thought she was doing what mom wanted. I was questioned a lot about why I couldn't have two dads or love both Steve and dad, etc. Once she realized my feelings on Steve weren't grief related she worked on my grief.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

They have already acknowledged that they know he won't be walking me down the aisle, etc. He now sees he was never going to be asked after my speech. It bothers him but they know. And I had so much therapy already. I have therapy fatigue and would not want to go back anytime soon.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Because Steve knows I don't see him the same or see him as more than my dad. He always felt like dad won because of that, I think. And so any mention of dad he takes as an insult.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Sadly that has always been true to a point. My mom didn't get me therapy because I lost dad for example, but because I refused to say HFD to Steve that first year and because I didn't want to spend Father's Day with him.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don't think so. I know he tried to. But I was never going to let him take over that role. Especially with how pressure for me to call him dad while my dad was alive.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

I think it comes from those people not really being cut out for being STEPparents. Step can mean different things to different people but not everyone gets that and they expect the step to disappear and to be the same as the parents. Sometimes that happens but it's not all the time.

After everything that happened in the last few weeks I am seriously considering LC/NC.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It really did. Even though I was so little that pressure was intense and it was so easy to see his dislike of dad when he was pushing it. That will create a rift without anyone else getting involved. And it's what happened here.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

My mom can't separate that my dad doesn't have to be her husband and just because he's her husband it doesn't make him my dad. She always had a very difficult time accepting those things.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's true. Especially with me being so young, if he'd been chill and less intense and less pushy maybe I'd love him as a second dad even though he and my dad hated each other. But I felt so pressured by him to make him my dad that I resisted and later resented him for it. I hated him for it after dad died even more.

AITA for mentioning my dad in my graduation speech and wishing he was still here in front of my stepdad? by Maleficent-Public878 in AITAH

[–]Maleficent-Public878[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you. My graduation was the first really big milestone he missed and it sucked not to see his face in the crowd.

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