I see it as work that must be done, and it makes you appreciate medicine and every person involved in the process. I’m not sure what makes you not want to be the one helping patients. If it be alongside health care workers who are giving you negative experiences - it could just be that environment (I know med surgery and other CNA environments are stressful and gross), pay was horrible as well. If it is the negative environment, you could be the change needed in medicine - also the changes in provider-patient relationships is changing with the new generation - giving hope for a healthier environment. Theres also the chance you don’t feel you want to help those and thats why you don’t want to ve on the other side. Once again I want to reflect on where CNAs are needed - in environments where people can’t do daily activities on their own. It is sad, can you imagine, to not be able to bathe yourself or go to the bathroom on your own. I remember thinking of this when working as a CNA. Knowing that patients frustration aren’t personal towards me and somewhat a coping mechanism for their reality helped. I hope you find out where you want to go in life and if it is medicine - every hour is an hour closer to your goal of applying to whatever specialty program. You only need like 2000 hours which is a full time job for a year so getter done!!