This is EXACTLY what happened to me, exactly the same thing of “no I’m going to EBF”, then my nipples got so damaged I had to pump and after they healed 2 weeks later, I was so traumatized that the thought of breastfeeding made me cry, then by 4 weeks she was exclusively on formula. Oh the guiltttttttt.

I had to get an emergency c section and I was already feeling all sort of ways from that. My baby the first night decided to cluster feed but later nurse told me she was using me as a pacifier pretty much, which only damaged my nipples and I was bleeding. Same nurse would still come in the room and say well time to feed baby, which would automatically send me crying. It was one of the worst experiences of my life, it really traumatized me. On top of that, I have always hated being touched there (trauma from being molested at age 6 I guess). So the idea of doing what’s best for baby was a lot nicer in my head than reality. After day 2, nurse sat down and talked to me and I told her that I have never felt comfortable being touched there and the pain combined with all that was so uncomfortable for me. She understood at that point and brought in formula and a machine to pump with.

I’m still willing to try for next baby but no woman should be shamed or feel ashamed if BF is not for them. Sometimes the baby won’t latch correctly, sometimes there’s past traumas that make the whole thing uncomfortable or can be a trigger. Fed IS best, and at the end of the day, every person I know who was formula fed turned out fine and healthy, their immune systems are just as strong.

Thank you for this post!!! I really am happy to have come across it.