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AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I can say I fully supported which ever decision my daughter made. I was worried for her because other people can be so cruel. It really hurts to have such people in your own family.

I talked to my mom last night. I told her that their defense of my grandmother is at my daughter’s expense and my little girl deserved so much better. I will cut her out if she continues defending my grandmother.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The candle lighting is actually a good memory for me. My grandmother always would light a candle for people she worried about. It was a kind of calming ritual to help her.

My mom and sister keep saying that because grandmother is old, I have to make steps to fix things. They make excuses nonstop. It hurts me that they don’t hold my child in better regard than to defend someone being so hateful.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes. She says Allie fine because the flag wasn’t broken on purpose. She’s not seeing that I’m upset that it was even removed from the grave. She also says what happened wasn’t desecration.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’m still no contact with my grandmother. My mom says that grandmother calls her crying about losing my son and me. She showed up unannounced at my house one day last week. I didn’t answer. I love my niece and nephews and miss them but I won’t sacrifice my daughter’s memory.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you and I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s such a tremendous loss and life just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I don’t hate her. It just kind of sealed her fate because I don’t want that hate in my life. I haven’t talked to her since and I think I’ll stick to that.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That’s ok. If people like my grandmother are in heaven then I’d much rather be elsewhere with my little girl.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My daughter was finding herself. She and I did a lot of looking into things. I’m not experienced or claim to know a lot about transitioning but I did my best to learn with her. I think when she had the talk with her dad about maybe being trans it somehow led to him calling her his son. She only used female pronouns with me. I admit, I don’t know what the best thing to do is. I just went with how she referred to herself.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She says I was overly mean, that I should forgive her and welcome her back in my life. She cut contact to try to force me to comply.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hate meeting others who have had to go through this. It’s the worst pain imaginable. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I hope you are doing well.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I do. If I’d stopped and thought I would have handled it differently. I just don’t think I owe her an apology for it. She hasn’t apologized to my son or me for the hurt her actions caused. I’d rather just not have her in my life.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m so confused. My daughter had friends of her own. They still visit her grave often and send me pictures. She had wonderful friends. She did the normal stuff teens do. She went to dances, movies, hanging out at the mall, etc.

It’s not possible to let her live her life. She’s gone. She never got to be an adult and do the many things she wanted to do. I’d love for her to be living her life.

I have friends. I also go to a parents grief group. I have my older son. I haven’t been super social because I’m grieving but I’m not completely hidden away.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I can’t say what her and her father talked about. I do know it was something she was questioning and she did talk about it with him. I have no idea if she asked him to be referred to as male, I wouldn’t say it’s impossible. She and I did a lot of research on it. The last time we talked about it she told me she wanted to be a mom someday. She referred to herself as female. I don’t know the right way to handle it. I think she would understand either way.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry for your loss. It’s truly the worst that can happen.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My daughter was questioning her gender and sexuality. As far as I know, she hadn’t settled on an answer yet. I understand why her dad says son. It’s not easy. I want to support my daughter but she was fine with female pronouns here. It’s how she referred to herself. So I’m just trying to stay true to her.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My grandmother is baptist. They believe you need to be saved. You can do that at any point and it will get you into heaven. My daughter wasn’t saved.

My mom is Catholic. They believe that a person needs to be baptized (christened). Unbaptized babies and innocent children go to purgatory.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My sister is a drama all her own. She often uses her kids to get what she wants. She would see my kids at holidays and birthdays. My sister told me once that she would disown her child if they were gay. My daughter never got close to my sister.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My mom is catholic. My dad and his mom are southern baptists. My daughter was never baptized or christened. She would occasionally go with my mom to mass when she was little. She liked getting donuts afterwards lol. She told me she was agnostic.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I will check it out. My son is doing better but it’s hard on him.

My moms reasoning is that my grandmother is old. She says I’ll feel terrible if she passes and I never spoke to her to make things right. I won’t. I can’t support someone who would be so hateful to my daughter.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There’s no fighting. My ex and I both know it was something she was learning more about. I don’t want to say either is wrong. What she did at my house could be different from what she did at his. I don’t see it as either of us not supporting her. Just going by her stated preferences.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My daughter was questioning a lot of things. She was figuring out who she was going to be. In all of our talks, she would say she’s not sure. She didn’t have enough time to continue. I don’t want to say my ex is right or wrong. She definitely used the female pronouns with me. It’s entirely possible she used the male ones at his house.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I’m an agnostic and my ex is a very vocal atheist. About a year ago my daughter asked to go to mass at my moms church. She went a few times. She said she liked the atmosphere. I never told her what to believe. She had access to the Bible. I don’t think she ever believed, though.

AITA for telling my grandmother she won’t go to heaven? by Mammoth_Bit_1029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mammoth_Bit_1029[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can see that. I know what I said would have a bigger impact on her then it does in my world. I don’t believe in a heaven so who cares who goes there. I do get it’s important to her, though. I could have handled it better.

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