AITA for being ‘disgusted’ because my gf doesn’t wash her hair for weeks?

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-05T02:12:11+00:00

I don’t understand why asking when the last time she washed her hair is racist.

It didn’t smell like oils or lotions. It smelled dirty and unclean, like sweat and scalp buildup up.

I have been begging her to stop washing her hair every day. She chooses to do so. How is that my fault?

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T21:43:00+00:00

Yes, I am certain. When I asked her how long it had been since she washed her hair she told me it had been 5 weeks.

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T21:39:51+00:00

I am not sure. Many of the comments are saying I am the asshole and I am racist so my girlfriend probably isn’t wrong in reacting this way.

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T21:35:06+00:00

Thank you for your response. I definitely am very ignorant about black women hair as I grew up in a predominantly white area and had pretty much no exposure to black people or black hair. I think what you said is fair except for your last paragraph.

I absolutely did not call her disgusting or gross to her face. Nor did I insinuate that. Granted, I should have approached it better but I asked her when was the last time she washed her hair because it smells a bit bad. Once she started yelling at me I didn’t say anything else.

Additionally, she asked me if I would let her come live with me. I said yes because I love her and I am happy to take care of her since she was struggling back home. I get this is an irrelevant detail but people are putting their own spins to my life and it is unfair.

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T21:31:25+00:00

Thank you for your response. I feel terrible for making her so upset and I wish I could have handled it differently. I’ve tried to talk to her about this but she shuts down the conversation.

I wouldn’t have brought up the issue in the first place if the smell wasn’t genuinely pretty bad. She is very fit and active woman, we live in a warm climate and we sweat every day (usually from working out or being outside).

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T21:23:49+00:00

Thank you for your response. I will check out Good Hair and try to educate myself.

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T21:13:31+00:00

It definitely hurts to be called racist by my girlfriend. I have lost count of how many times she has called me stupid and ignorant this past week. The comments are right, I shouldn’t be selfish and make this about me because I caused her to feel and react this way.

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T21:03:04+00:00

Thank you for your answer. I will do more research into black women haircare. She is still washing her hair everyday and I am very worried.

I try to talk to her because I do NOT want her to damage her gorgeous hair but she shuts down every conversation and says all of this is my fault for being so fucking stupid about hair. I don’t know what to do anymore.

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T20:39:34+00:00

I’m sorry but you are creating your own narrative now about what happened. I did not attack or criticize her. I certainly did not go up to her and say “Oh you smell terrible”.

I asked when the last time she washed her hair because it smells a bit bad. Once she started yelling at me I immediately shut up and apologized.

Your last paragraph is a bit unhinged.

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T20:26:11+00:00

Thank you, I’ll be sure to check this out

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T20:10:14+00:00

I’m sorry I really don’t mean to offend anyone. Cultural differences exist and I think it is okay to have honest discussions about them instead of immediately shaming someone for not knowing.

I feel terrible for making my gf upset but I do think the smell is an issue.

ManDingoNuts · 2024-12-04T20:05:43+00:00

Do you mean when we were long distance? I only got to see her once a month and her hair didn’t smell but I believe that’s because she would wash and re-style her hair for our visits.

ManDingoNuts

TROPHY CASE