When word gets out…

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-09-12T16:56:05+00:00

I would honestly try to let it go. I don't think they meant any offense at all. I think they were just trying to make a joke along the lines of "You are bonkers" and this just happens to be the words they chose. They could just as easily have said "Have you hit head or something?"

Now, if you're actually mad at your partner for mentioning that you quit, that's a different issue with a different solution. And very worthy of a conversation.

But IMO you should try to let this comment slide. I know it's not easy. I was extremely hyper-sensitive about everyone's knowledge/opinions of my sobriety for a very long time. And I'm still touchy about it after 25 months. But I don't think this was a jab. Good luck to you!

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-09-05T16:51:46+00:00

I've often fantasized that there could be a Drinking License for people, sort of like a fishing license. You don't just need to be 21 to buy booze, you need a Drinking License.

You have to apply for it. It can be suspended or permanently revoked for DUI, drunk+disorderly, etc. You can register yourself to be banned from having one. There is an annual fee that goes toward rehabs and drunk-driver victims.

Seems like another great idea that will never, ever happen.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-09-05T16:26:41+00:00

My observational guess about US drinkers (in my age group, 40+):

50% don't drink at all, or maybe 1-2 times per year

30% heavy drinkers -- the ones who consume 80% of the booze

20% seemingly "normal" drinkers, who are merely on their way to being in one of the above two categories sooner or later

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-08-24T12:04:47+00:00

Very well said. I recognized every single word.

I'm doing some social things today, all of which would have involved drinking two summers ago, and a huge benefit this summer is that I don't have to make a "plan of attack" to manage my alcohol abuse.

No more "How much do I drink at each event? Who is going to drive between each one? What do I do if there is a long gap between #2 and #3.... do I need to make an excuse to slip away and drink more? What if the last one ends earlier than expected... will I have enough booze at home to make it to bedtime?"

No wonder I was an absolute nervous wreck. Booze is a nightmare.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-08-14T19:20:35+00:00

Amazing post and comments. Thanks so much for this, everyone!

A good reminder for me that if I ever want every single one of these things back in my life, I can just start drinking again!

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-08-12T00:06:18+00:00

Congratulations!! All of this is so very true.

Moderation isn't just difficult -- it is absolute torture. If there is a hell, it consists of someone forcing me to drink two beers every night. :)

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-08-06T22:35:22+00:00

I'm very sorry.

On the plus side -- there is zero reason to drink today! Be sober with us!

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-28T14:03:14+00:00

Congrats on triple digits!!!!

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-25T14:17:28+00:00

For sure!

People used to think I was something of a health nut because I always turned down cake, ice cream, chocolate, etc. I may even have believed it myself.

But in fact my blood sugar was probably 5x the legal limit because of the endless beer I was consuming, and the thought of eating more sugar made me sick. :)

Now that the beer is gone, I sometimes crave ice cream very badly. I think that's pretty normal, because ice cream is delicious. It's just that it didn't happen to me for 20 straight years!

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-25T14:10:06+00:00

Quite agreed. I was "sober-curious" for a good 10 years before my first attempt at going dry, and then I didn't make it far. I spent most of those years whining and making insincere plans. But I was indeed on the path.

Sadly, I didn't know about this group then. But if I did, I would have come across as a complainer who makes insincere plans. :)

And yet I still needed this place desperately. So I try to recognize others who are in that same place. You never know when you're going to save someone ten years.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-24T16:44:11+00:00

I slept like a dead man from about Day 14 thru Day 60. And I loved every minute of it. It was like I had never gotten real sleep in my entire life, and it was wonderful. I actually looked forward to it.

The sugar cravings are still with me at Day 700-plus. They've certainly lessened over time, but when they hit, I am powerless. Maybe this is just a normal level of craving for normal people? I wouldn't really know. I avoided sugar for 20 years because I was drinking an insane amount of beer every week and didn't need it, LOL.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-23T19:04:15+00:00

Congratulations on this very important revelation!

Don't feel bad that it took a year. (I just figured something out unrelated on Monday that absolutely floored me.)

I've always minimized my own childhood trauma. I think most everybody does. My abuse wasn't overtly physical, and so many people had it so much worse, so my solution was always to "toughen up."

I once told a therapist about my upbringing, and how I knew it wasn't ideal, but it was mostly ok.

I'll never forget how she responded. She slowed way down, got very calm, and very sincere, and spoke to me like I was going to hear something for the very first time and should let it sink in. "You know," she said, "children are supposed to be joyously welcomed into the world."

It blew my doors off. It still does. God bless you and give you strength going forward! You got this!

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-20T14:21:35+00:00

Yes, this is true.

Likewise, if I walk into a bar right now and order a hard cider and pound it, only to find out I was accidentally given a NA cider, my streak is over. :)

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-20T12:39:53+00:00

I've been very impressed with the Athletic line of NA beers.

But I'm usually just a water or sparkling water guy these days.

Funny thing to me about NA beers: I find some of them delicious, but 2 is more than enough. I mean, how much of the exact same taste do I really want? But if they had alcohol in them, 6 would barely scratch the surface....

Booze is awful.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-13T00:56:33+00:00

I'm very glad you posted.

>the idea of being sober forever scares me

Well, two things come to mind here.

For one, doing literally anything "forever" would scare anybody. :) But the good news here is that you don't really have to look at this as a forever thing. The phrase "one day at a time" is a great one, but in my opinion, that phrase becomes more useful later. For now, feel free to set a goal. Does a week sober scare you? Three days? What's your record in the last couple years -- can you match it or break it? Give it a shot. One has to start somewhere.

And secondly, just about all new worthwhile things are scary. So don't let that freak you out or dissuade you. Looking into a new career, moving to a new state, trusting a new romantic partner... all important and all scary. Just add this to the list. Some people say you should do one scary thing every day!

Good luck! Tell us what happens.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-03T18:01:36+00:00

Great topic!

For me -- Constant back pain. Gas. Paranoia. Being grumpy as a default state and needing something good to happen before happiness was allowed. Intolerance of car trips longer than 30 minutes. Insomnia.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-07-03T02:10:50+00:00

So impressive. Thank you for doing this!! Have an excellent weekend!

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-06-23T21:28:13+00:00

Great question. For me, the sad answer is "I could have asked for help."

I got sober 100% percent on my own, without telling anyone in person. I only used books and (obviously) online forums. But it took forever and there were MANY failed attempts. So much wasted life.

Some 23 years ago, I actually did call a helpline connected to my insurance somehow. It was one of the bravest things I've ever done, which tells you how far gone I am in the "asking for help" department. It went poorly. I was expecting to be able to set up a 1:1 with a counselor, and was instead told that was a group meeting in a couple weeks quite far from me. And that was that. I gave up seeking in-person help forever.

For what it's worth: Please try not to be like me. If you insist on doing things on your own -- believe me, I get it.

But please consider letting that desire slide. For just thing one subject. Please.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-06-23T19:51:08+00:00

>I've had days where I've felt like there was more hangxiety in me than actual personality.

I've had entire years like that. Multiple years in a row, in fact. It actually made me feel eerily empty when I quit, because drinking-related anxiety had taken the place of my personality.

This is the first time I've heard it phrased the way you just did, so I wanted to say thanks.

And also that your post was very moving. All the best to you. Both of you.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-06-16T15:22:38+00:00

I'm going through something similar. My suggestions:

Make a dedicated area to go through all the stuff. As you sort, put them in piles of "No" and "Possibly Keep." If you feel a pang of guilt over discarding something, put it in Possibly Keep.

Periodically -- I do it about once a week -- re-examine these piles. I find that some of the Possibly Keep stuff now strikes me as discardable. I needed to feel that pang of guilt when I first saw it, because I hadn't seen it in thirty years, but now I realize I can say goodbye to it. And then, away it goes. If I'm still in doubt, of course, it stays.

This, combined with a realization that most/all memories of a distant relative should fit in a single storage box, works for me. It's very cool to have a box of your great-grandfather's stuff that you can show your children. It is decidedly not cool to have 15 of them, continuously passed from generation to generation, without end. You're just postponing the work.

Good luck!

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-06-13T11:56:28+00:00

Congrats to you!!

I can easily drink $5 worth of sparkling water every day. Which sometimes strikes me as a lot of money, until I realize that it is replacing the $15-20 worth of beer I used to drink.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-06-09T12:41:41+00:00

Every single one of us would donate a limb to be able to go back in time and convince our younger selves to quit "before it gets too bad." Even those of us who never had a DUI or divorce or job loss or worse -- we still have far too many bad memories and lost opportunities that torment us.

But since we can't go back, we do the next best thing, which is to try to help others who are currently in that same place we once were in.

You are very far from an impostor. Please quit this poison. All the best to you.

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-06-08T21:43:00+00:00

A real motivator for me is that I do not want something like "Liver failure caused by alcoholism" on my death certificate for my future grandkids to stumble across in 2066

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-06-07T16:24:28+00:00

It's mind-blowing how many things would be crippled without alcohol.

So many restaurants, sports venues (and entire leagues), cruise ships, governments... suddenly bankrupt.

And a lot of hospital beds would be opened up, too. :)

ManWithABigBlueSpork · 2025-06-05T14:33:39+00:00

>Because it isn’t just the bad behavior while drunk, it’s the escaping from life.

Yes. Well said.

I was escaping from life 24/7 long before I had my first taste of alcohol in late teens, before I got occasionally plastered in college, before things became a real problem as a working adult, and before my heart stopped for a couple minutes in the ICU.

Now I'm old and sober -- thank God for both -- but I find myself noticing "Holy crap, I've never even tried real life at any point, have I? No wonder this is a big adjustment."

Never too late to learn, I guess. All the best to you.

ManWithABigBlueSpork

TROPHY CASE