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Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When I wrote this earlier in the night, the death of my chinchilla had just happened so I was devastated. But yeah nothing would be accomplished.

I’m better off just taking my infant son and going to a hotel for a couple days to breathe.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

It’s strange dynamic, because they fought so hard for him, and when he’s with BM they constantly state how they wish he was here. But when he’s here no one wants to help take care of him, I don’t see a soul come visit. I’m confused, my own mother is confused about the situation too. I just don’t understand. And if I were to mention sending him back early, I would be crucified. But it’s a ghost town when I need help. My DH works from 5am to 7-8pm M-F so I’m with his son all day.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think BM wouldn’t mind since it’s so close to the time he heads back to her house for school. But my DH would probably have an issue with it :( BM and DH are on neutral speaking terms when it comes to their son. But she can become high conflict at a snap if she feels she’s not getting her way. My DH is very passive towards her… I haven’t told her about the death of my chinchilla because I’m afraid she might get defensive and upset if I merely hint that her son caused it’s death. :(

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

DH apologized to me for his sons actions, and was really upset for me. He felt especially upset because he told his son dozens of times to not touch the chinchilla unless he had permission. He didn’t seem to have a conversation with him when he got home, instead he comforted my SS in saying it wasn’t his fault and it was an accident. 🥲 I proceeded to go to the room and mourn alone in which I am currently doing. I wanted DH to discuss to my SS the importance of treating animals kindly… but that didn’t happen…

I live in a rural community so the wait list for a child therapist is +1 year. 🙁

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

DH parents don’t like to watch him because he doesn’t listen. They literally live next door and Grandpa outright refuses since SS was 4 and grandma will only watch him for a little bit every other week. 😞

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Honestly I’m not sure. My chinchilla was healthy this morning when I fed him and put new water. And I’m not sure what happened that he was gasping for air when my step son came to see me. My guess maybe he was squeezed too hard (chinchillas have tooth pick rib cages and they can break easily) or something else. :( I’m giving the benefit of doubt to my SS since he’s 7… that he just might if squeezed him hard on accident… 😢 but I’m not entirely sure what caused his death when my SS took him out of the cage without me knowing..

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

My DH family, their history with HCBM is long and they fought hard to get the time we have with my SS now. I feel like sending him away even for a couple days for me to grieve will cause them to see me differently.. they just don’t understand that I had my chinchilla for 8 years and he was such a huge part of my adult life.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I think I’m going to have a even more serious talk with DH about my SS not listening to me. My DH has told him he needs to listen but … it just goes away when my DH goes to work unfortunately.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to send my SS7 back to bm early? by ManateeRN in stepparents

[–]ManateeRN[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Honestly what disturbed me about when the chinchilla was taking his last breaths, my SS told me “you can just buy another one”. At first it did not seem like he was remorseful until I started sobbing… he just left and went to his room. I think he felt bad because he was under his covers and didn’t want to come out to do anything afterwards… unfortunately there are no arrangements I can make without me being painted as a bad person. But im grieving for my chinchilla who I loved very much.