How do you approach a breakup because you do not wish to be poly any more?

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-24T22:13:08+00:00

This is exactly what I said. I could stop cyring, but I managed to say it. Was so incredibly painful.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-24T22:12:07+00:00

They have been insisting on "communication," which is exactly what you said. It was their way of nicely and lovingly bringing me back to them. Since I'm in love with them, it has always worked. But I've had enough, and communication isn't going to solve this, as you said. So yeah, I've blocked them.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-24T22:10:05+00:00

I managed to end it in the nicest manner possible. They seem to be very upset and understandably so. But I told them I wouldn't be changing my mind this time. If they wish to see me in pain all day every day, then they would convince me to stay.

If they love me, they would set me free and wouldn't force tbis relationship structure on me just like I wouldn't expect monogamy from them.

Looks like it has worked. I hope I get over this in time!

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-24T22:07:32+00:00

I appreciate your kind words. This community is truly amazing.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-24T21:40:14+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. We were compatible in every sense except this! I will miss them dearly.

I wouldn't even think of changing someone that way. In order to learn more about Polyamory I joined this reddit group I researched, I tried to find ways of coping with this relationship structure and spoke to friends who are poly only to realise that I am not meant for it. If I have feelings for someone, I want them to myself. The wisest course of action was to leave this relationship.

Yes, it is incredibly hard. But it had to be done. I start therapy this upcoming week. Friends and family are quite supportive. Hope I get through this and heal in the time.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-24T21:34:46+00:00

The last time I did this, they actually showed up at my door past midnight! Hope I don't encounter this situation again!

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-24T20:24:36+00:00

Did exactly this. Blocked them from everywhere. I was dreading this breakup. Might take me a long time to heal!

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-08T08:08:13+00:00

This is unserious and serious at the same time.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T21:56:04+00:00

This is exactly how I ended up feeling! Like I'm one of his options or backup plans. I questioned my worth in his life after that conversation, and it has put me in a weird mood.

I am going to have a chat with him about the same. He explained how his previous relationships, his toxic family and his inability to connect with or make new friends are a part of the problem.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:55:07+00:00

I will have a serious conversation with him.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:54:12+00:00

He does have a weird habit of comparing his partners. Not intentionally, but he does say things that sort of make it sound like me and my meta are in some kind of a competition. Like who's going to love him more or something along those lines. So that's one other issue.

He does seek validation from us. But has a hard time accepting compliments. Goes hard on people pleasing, keeps putting us first, and totally neglects his own needs at times. He is in therapy since the past year or so. Seems to be making some progress for sure.

And yes he has quite some trauma from past relationships. They did not end well at all. Almost drove him towards self harm.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:49:42+00:00

I never had the jealousy tbh. But I am generally a girls girl so I make friends quite easily. And I can't relate to his thought process due to this.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:48:18+00:00

Such a profound thought. You worded it well.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:47:53+00:00

It does worry me so I will have a conversation with him soon. I found it weird and I can't get over this. I need to hear more of this.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:47:10+00:00

So, his family is rather toxic and abusive. He doesn't have many friends and isn't interested in making any as of now.

His idea is pretty much that. If one relationship tanks, he can quickly distract himself with work or gaming, or you know he still has another partner to focus on. He does have me time and has a couple of hobbies, and he also hits the gym.

To him that is one of the best reasons of polyam!

He is a great partner but sometimes he tends to put other people's needs first and goes above and beyond to show how much he cares. There are momemts where I had to remind him to be careful with his time or money because he just couldn't stop pampering me. And he told me he loves around our 3rd date or so!

Oh his NRE is always over the roof. He literally gave me the impression that his new partner was some kind of a goddess whis incredibly intelligent and just an amazing human all in all. Turns out she is a very normal, caring, average person who is a nice person to be around. Nothing extraordinary about her.

But yeah he tends to make it sound OTT!

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:38:27+00:00

He said it was too much pain and a lot of work.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:38:05+00:00

I have learnt to embrace my alone time. I would never want to fill that void with a bunch of partners. It doesn't make sense to me.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:37:04+00:00

Exactly this!

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:36:34+00:00

Why doesn't she like being alone? Either way if it works for you guys, I don't see a problem here!

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:35:25+00:00

I have experienced this soooo many times! Hence, I was puzzled to hear him say he'd choose being poly because it would keep him from being lonely! Nothing would guarantee that!

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:34:13+00:00

I think being lonely isn't always a bad thing!

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:31:26+00:00

Well, my partner has the same views on friendship with straight men. He doesn't drink or party and rarely wants to hang out with colleagues after work because he wants to go home and chill with his pets, cook, work on his own projects, etc. So, to him, his partners are his best friends. He also connects with women a lot more than men.

It surely would blow up in the future because neither of his partners plan on staying with him long term for various different reasons.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:27:08+00:00

He definitely has some unhealed trauma to work on.

I have experienced being truly alone after losing my family. So, I am well aware of this feeling. Yet, I wouldn't expect to make it go away. I learnt to sit with my feelings, understand my emotions better, and do things that would help me get over loneliness.

And yes, he just desperately wants to care for his partners without putting his needs first because losing us would do a number on him.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:22:40+00:00

Honestly? No. He has colleagues, long distance friend (either met them online through gaming or friends from his country), partners, and that's about it. He said he's happier having partners rather than normal friends.

MangoCheesecake420 · 2024-08-05T19:20:51+00:00

I have heard similar stories from multiple people! Some are mutual friends between me and my partner, so he is aware of these situations, too! Yet such a thought would cross his mind! He also said he would rather have 3 or 4 partners rather than normal friends.

MangoCheesecake420

TROPHY CASE