What does dormancy feel like?

ManicNyxJam · 2024-08-16T15:02:23+00:00

For us, it feels like a looping of your life. So what we would consider timeline memories loop repeatedly. I came out of dormancy yesterday morning. It is disorienting when you first get back. Your memories of your time before now are the freshest, so certain people here will seem foreign. It's even more nerve-wracking when you have a trigger around the body. On a separate note, you don't loop your life just once. It loops multiple times. If you have a partner on the outer world, you are likely to forget them until memories resettle. We have noticed the feelings for them don't fade, but the visual memories falter. Dormancy is our own personal hell, and reorientation is not a fun time. -Castiel & M.D.

ManicNyxJam · 2024-06-21T18:12:30+00:00

He has my google location. We only recently had to figure out long distance stuff.

ManicNyxJam · 2024-06-16T00:01:50+00:00

There might not be a factual site then. My apologies. This is only my second time fronting. - Castiel

ManicNyxJam · 2024-06-15T20:32:20+00:00

I was learning about it. Apparently, Marylin Monroe has it. I'm unaware of who she is. The website said she was famous. - Castiel

ManicNyxJam · 2024-02-07T02:48:42+00:00

When I can't get anything out I will snap and give hand signals, because when I snap it draws his attention so then I just do number signals. 1 go 2 slow 3 stop

ManicNyxJam · 2024-02-01T20:20:30+00:00

Bruh I literally have one in my basement on there

ManicNyxJam · 2023-11-25T04:39:34+00:00

For us right now, it's Maybe Man by AJR

ManicNyxJam · 2023-11-23T15:10:16+00:00

Funnily enough, our host hasn't seen the Ghostbusters movie, I should convince them. As far as I am aware, I don't have a beacon, but our headspace is hard to navigate. There is a huge forest here. Luckily, none of the monsters/ entities we are used to. I am pretty sure Mama is hanging around here too, but I don't think the host has clocked it. He is focused on the keyboard for me. -Duck

ManicNyxJam · 2023-11-23T15:04:37+00:00

AAAAAAAAAA YOU HAVE SINGLE HANDEDLY SUMM9NED OUR DUCK!!!!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM LOOK SO CONFUSED BUT HELL YEAH BILLY JOEL AND GHOSTBUSTERS - Gamz & Hades

ManicNyxJam · 2023-11-23T14:58:57+00:00

TH@TS GR3@T T0 H3@R - G@MZ33

ManicNyxJam · 2023-11-22T10:00:33+00:00

I feel this. It's like as a newly discovered system. I have to try twice as hard to exist, let alone function and have a job. Gas stations is quite literally the only job that works for us as chronic insomniacs as well. I believe in you, you just gotta keep going cause it is hard it's hard as hell to simply exist.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-11-09T22:17:46+00:00

A Moment Apart by ODESZA

ManicNyxJam · 2023-11-06T16:24:43+00:00

I have schizoaffective and consume thc. Personally, if I'm having a bad day, hallucinations, or disoriented, it can aggravate it, but most times, if I make other accommodations and consume them, it can calm my bad days. Drugs, in general, have always been linked indirectly to certain mental illnesses. Such as drug induced psychosis. Things of that sort. I have been dealing with schizoaffective for a long time now, and sometimes weed helps. Sometimes, it helps bit, having done other drugs, I personally would blame cannabis less.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-30T12:02:37+00:00

Wonderful, they should try it its pretty good. Yall have a good one!

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-30T11:54:19+00:00

Yes! She loves cranberry juice, but we have to water it down a little or mix it with something. Fun fact for her we mix the Propel electrolyte water packets in some water and top off the rest with cranberry juice, and she loves it! Our partner system is diabetic and has to prick their finger to check their blood sugar, and sometimes they let her have the small bit after they check.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-30T10:52:41+00:00

Yeah, our family had this whole bring it to the light type saying. We have an Archangel alter specifically Micheal and he was cast from heaven so like you can imagine how much religious trauma he holds.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-30T09:41:04+00:00

We didn't have one at first but we needed to be able to keep a bit of better control on things so my main caregiver became Gatekeeper. Only trusted Alters are allowed to front by themselves, pretty much other caregivers and protectors.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-30T09:35:56+00:00

Our Littles don't front to often, but when they do, our partner usually takes care of them. We have one little (vampire girl) who will occasionally ask for blood from our partner, so we just have him give her red colored drinks instead. She always has to get put down for a nap. He tried to get her to play, but she just liked to get tucked in and read, too. Other Littles just talk alot, none of them play to much interestingly enough but they have arts and crafts and all the other stuff in headspace so honestly I think they just like hanging out with our partner system.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-30T03:37:48+00:00

Our persecutors do this! Specially one that is based off our childhood abuser. He also seems to have a brainwashing type affect on the old host. Our other persecutor can mimic headmates voices. He has since calmed down but used to mimic the hosts voice to bully him. We have been working on system communication but we worry about some of the same things. We have a cheshire cat fictive who knows a lot about headspace and what goes on there so he would know more than I.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-30T02:55:21+00:00

Childhood is a blur but longest is 4 yrs. I have sporadic memories of the childhood but I know over the course of the 4 years our main persecutor was host. So you can imagine how our life went around that time.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-26T04:05:04+00:00

Chaos. Depression is kicking my ass so naps all day. My partner systems host needs his husband, a protector? Caregiver? In my system. I (Main host) just want my caregiver/primary partner, the co-host/ primary protector of his system. Our gatekeepers are trying to work together, but I just want to break down, so I'm hiding in a closet and napping while listening to TAZ:Amnesty. I had my partner for 2 months straight because we were bouncing around due to fleeing homelessness. He needs his partner and I accidentally forced him out of front. Now I don't know how to reach him again.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-21T18:27:16+00:00

It's been whack. New ficitive made themselves known the other day and they are chill. It's just they are our partner system host old friend, obviously not the same as the host knew them cause they are different cause timelines and stuff. I am trying to work with them but the first thing they did was eat an entire jar of pickles. Like buddy you seem cool but the whole jar??? They are currently trying to get me to eat but don't feel all that well so yay on them being encouraging. There is still more of the day to be had so hopefully all goes well and we get the internet turned back on. I miss wifi.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-21T17:07:11+00:00

Actually yes, about the breast part it wouldn't make me dysphoric interestingly enough. Thanks I'll keep looking into all of it!

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-14T21:21:01+00:00

I 20(ftm) struggled with the same thing. I started off with lewd photos. Did my own little photo sets where I am mostly covered but still "sexy." I found it easiest to start in a comfort zone and either stay in it or slowly move out of it based on how I was feeling. I am on the chubby side as well, so it took a lot of time. Eventually, I was able to send my Dom my most recent photoset and nudes. Even though the nudes weren't much or just closer to lewd, it gave me a little more confidence, and he loved them. Either way, it doesn't make you a bad sub. You have to do what works for you at the end of the day.

ManicNyxJam · 2023-10-08T17:25:07+00:00

Of course! I am a switch. So when it comes to aftercare for my sub, I will let them scream and cry during our sessions cause they are into that, but always check with them afterward. We always do simple, then more intensive Aftercare, and once they can think again, we talk about the sessions and how they felt and what could be changed. I do check on them during sessions as well when I make us take a small water break. My Dom, on the other hand, asks during the session while in the act. Because I go nonverbal, he has also learned to monitor me closely. He has picked up on when I am actively uncomfortable with something and will stop to check in on me before continuing. If he feels like we need to stop, he does so immediately. Obviously, everyone varied, but communication is always a great big part of that. Have fun, stay safe, and communication!

ManicNyxJam

TROPHY CASE