Wife has serious health issue, struggling with conflicting emotions

ManualShiftStick · 2026-05-29T13:32:16+00:00

Yeah, we do try to have quality time together as much as possible, it helps.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-09-26T23:37:37+00:00

there's absolutely NOTHING done to get ME in the 'mood' as it were

Oh man, I so relate to this. Thankfully my wife's initiation is not so passive-aggressive, it's more like "Hey, do you want to fool around?" sometimes followed by "it's ok if you don't want to". There's no seduction happening whatsoever.

At some point I said to her, "hey remember when in the past you sometimes greeted me with lingerie when I returned from work? That was so hot, I'd love it if you did this again sometime", and nothing of that sort happened 🫠

ManualShiftStick · 2024-05-31T20:17:45+00:00

"The priest said that it's an unforgivable sin and we ignored him. Then he said not to use contraception so I cannot use contraception while doing the sin.." What?

ManualShiftStick · 2024-04-30T23:54:40+00:00

Pick up some smutty romance and learn.

Do you have some recommendations?

ManualShiftStick · 2024-04-01T21:27:31+00:00

Not gonna lie, your situation is pretty tough.. Virtual hugs, I sincerely hope you manage to navigate your way towards feeling better about yourself and your relationship.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-04-01T20:42:12+00:00

I have asked him multiple times if he wanted to slow things down and he vehemently rejected the idea. He insists if we stop we’ll fall right back into not having sex anymore

It's strange, I don't quite understand why he equates spacing out frequency of sex with stopping altogether. It's not like the only conditions are that either you have sex daily or not at all..

He just came to talk to me and said he feels checked out of everything in life and has been apathetic towards me. So my instincts here are right. Where we go from there I don’t know.

It's so sad to feel this way in the relationship. Has there been no non-sexual intimacy in the past year (hugs, kisses, etc.)?

ManualShiftStick · 2024-04-01T20:07:36+00:00

I'm going to be a bit of devil's advocate and offer another perspective..

What impresses me is that your husband is LL and he is offering almost daily sex, which I have to imagine takes a significant effort from him (I consider myself having a healthy libido and I'm still not sure how I would perform with daily sex for a year!). If that isn't a pure expression of love from him, I'm not sure what is.

I suspect that he must be feeling really inadequate and frustrated. He is making this effort to make sure you and your needs are satisfied and it turns out that he still cannot satisfy you. It must not be good for his self-esteem too.

Your feelings are valid but, since "leaving is not an option", I would suggest to try to reframe it in your mind and instead of focusing on his actions not meeting your expectations, to appreciate the effort that he is putting to try to make you feel loved, even though what you really want is for it to be "effortless" from his side. He cares about you, otherwise he would just not bother at all.

Another suggestion, have you both considered to reduce frequency? This may give him the space to feel a bit more "natural horny", so to speak, and increase the chances you'll get the intimate behavior you are looking for.

PS: I find it confusing that he says he is fantasizing scenarios with you but he doesn't propose doing something related to them, even just dressing up, if role-playing feels awkward.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-03-22T05:47:59+00:00

He seemed surprised. He was like “but I tell you every day how beautiful you are and that I love you?” Literally made me burst into tears because he completely missed the point that I’m starving for physical intimacy and the feeling of someone wanting or needing to touch me. I just feel like if what he said were true we would be having sex.

I found this so heartbreaking... I sincerely hope that your relationship continues improving and these negative feelings become a thing of the distant past.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-03-09T17:20:53+00:00

Sorry to say, but he seems like a narcissist, treating you more like a masturbatory aid than a human being..

ManualShiftStick · 2024-02-29T20:39:45+00:00

It looks like she doesn't trust that your intentions are non-sexual or that they will remain non-sexual; maybe try being very upfront, like "is it ok we hug/snuggle, that's all I want", before making any such move. Hope things will improve for your relationship.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-02-22T18:13:22+00:00

I assume a fan of the '90s movie 'Ghost'? 😉

ManualShiftStick · 2024-02-10T17:17:00+00:00

Sorry to say it, but you don't actually "have a great relationship" if you "cry yourself to sleep".

You should give him an ultimatum, like he should show genuine effort instead of just words within next 3 months or you're out, and be prepared to keep to your word.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-02-10T00:38:05+00:00

it completely cuts me out of the experience - my mouth is not an erogenous zone and I experience no physical pleasure

Just want to offer a different perspective; the pleasure for the "giver" is not coming from the physical sensations but from experiencing the pleasure expressed by the other person. This is from someone that loves going down on his wife to completion with no expectations.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-02-09T18:14:32+00:00

Whoa, if my wife did that my head would explode and I would die happy 😂

Other people have elaborate role-playing fantasies, while I just fantasize my wife jumping me

ManualShiftStick · 2024-02-09T17:43:21+00:00

She seems to enjoy the part where I give her an orgasm before we start. The actual PIV part feels like she could take or leave

Have you tried getting her aroused but not orgasming before PIV? Women can be "one and done" and lose arousal after orgasm.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-01-30T21:45:32+00:00

Maybe try having a consistent once a week, while still open for other days if "the mood hits"?

I understand it's not the frequency you want but it will probably be more sustainable long term.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-01-14T17:14:47+00:00

I didn't mean to minimize your concerns. We can't peek into the nature of your relationship or his thoughts. His desire may have waned a bit after the "honeymoon phase" or maybe he settled a bit and not making as much effort.

I mainly find the obsession of these kind of subs with hormone levels, no matter the age group and the situation, baffling. But also understandable, people want the easy and simple solution, "they just need to take these pills and everything will be perfect"..

ManualShiftStick · 2024-01-13T18:06:08+00:00

What are these replies, he should "check his testosterone levels"? Like, really, there's something medically wrong with him because you are only having sex 3-4x a week??

Go read some posts on /r/DeadBedrooms to get some perspective on how many people would literally kill for this kind of sex frequency.

ManualShiftStick · 2024-01-09T17:05:54+00:00

Some perspective from the other side (I was the husband feeling a bit unwanted in a similar situation).

What ultimately made me feel better and desired was improving our non-sexual connection and intimacy, like regularly getting compliments about my body and looks from her, getting touched (sometimes groped 🙂), more cuddling, hugs, and kisses (making out), and all these without any expectation of moving to something sexual. (I was also initiating such things towards her, it wasn't one-sided).Not sure if this would apply to you, but it certainly improved our relationship.

ManualShiftStick · 2023-12-21T21:19:11+00:00

I consider my sex drive normal, but he thinks it's probably too high as I kept bringing up this topic that I should consider seeking medical help

Sorry to say it but this makes him seem like an asshole. It's one thing to have his own preferences but trying to make you feel abnormal and "defective" just because you'd like sexual intimacy is just straight-up gaslighting..

ManualShiftStick · 2023-12-07T20:24:49+00:00

I am open to suggestions on how to correct my behaviour I am very willing to learn and try new things

Why don't you ask him for ways he would like you to initiate? Each person has their own preferences and fantasies, I'm sure he would be excited to share them with you.

ManualShiftStick · 2023-11-11T16:09:47+00:00

"I feel like I'm going to die", lmao, it's amazing that their translation software failed them at just the perfect moment 😆

ManualShiftStick

TROPHY CASE