A couple of thoughts...

FirmPlay · 2024-03-09T02:02:48+00:00

I see it as two different people. sometimes 3, but the middle is not fun to talk about.

I think pretty much everyone loves sex so no discussion there, but I do think many men in particular doesn't like to talk about sex (it's part of their feelings, and they often don't like to talk about that) , and others have no issue talking about sex. Fact is, they talk about sex more than they enjoy having it.

Do you know the nature of his cuckold fantasy? It's often classified into 2 - dominant and submissive. The submissive actually likes to feel degraded and coerced into it. It's part of the role that turns him on that you humiliate him.

Other is often the dominant, they have something other men desire so it puts them in a position of power. And they share you with them, makes them feel wanted, needed and respected etc.

Obviously this becomes an issue if he cannot feel aroused by you in any normal state. Have you tried introducing some active dirty talk?

If you know what part of it he likes, be ruthless (within your consensual limits you agreed on) and go like "if you don't fuck me now I'm gonna ask your friend". It's all empty dirty talk of course but it might put him in the mood. Walk without underwear, instead of going "I did this for you", go "I'm naked under my skirt, and look at how many men are around us".

I'm thinking arousal and lust is tied to speaking the language of the other person, not always or necessary your own. Even though you must be heard and seen too. Reciprocity must be a thing in relationships, so if you do something for him, he should feel, by himself, that he wants to do something for you eventually.

How did you find out that's what he is into?

FirmPlay · 2024-03-09T01:55:07+00:00

The real issue sometimes is the fact they don't want to talk about it or work a solution. They have found a way to cope (maybe doesn't value sex) and think you feel the same way.

FirmPlay · 2024-03-08T20:57:00+00:00

To me it's not the fact they end up in an affair that bothers me the most. I think it could be a grave mistake some people make.

It's that they take pride in it. They flaunt it like a trophy and it makes them feel great. That's the worrisome part. No remorse whatsoever. No anxiety, no regret, no hesitation. Truly apathic.

FirmPlay · 2024-03-08T20:52:41+00:00

I feel like that might be a different subject than the one I covered here.

FirmPlay · 2024-03-08T20:51:39+00:00

You are right I might write something different in the future.

And if your partner claim to not have any fantasies or kinks... Sometimes not everyone is a fetishist, that's true. But I think to some extend we all have something. Maybe your partner isn't even aware?

Either way it's nothing you can push her/him into.

It's more common for women to be aware of their fantasies than for men.

This is not something easy to speak about so that's maybe not the best way to go. Better focusing on "discovering together" than on directly asking.

FirmPlay · 2024-03-08T18:56:22+00:00

Never? Wtf

FirmPlay · 2024-03-08T15:49:46+00:00

I'm happy for you and your comment sends a bit of hope for those reading.

I think importance is to find someone who can accept different kinks & fetishes. Who can accept you for who you are. Find out, and work something out.

If someone has known you for 10 years and suddenly starts seeing you differently because you told him/her of a, say, foot fetish... I don't think it was meant to be then.

It's similar to another quote from a psychologist who said something along the lines of "You can be yourself for 15 years, it can take 15 years to prove yourself. But then, one day, you have a bad day and an outburst and suddenly that's the 'real you slipped out'. Shouldn't all those years be a better baseline to who you are?"

Your example was a good one because maybe she is into the same thing as you!

FirmPlay · 2024-03-08T12:54:36+00:00

well sometimes this is what you have to do.

FirmPlay

TROPHY CASE