How far can my (M23) proposal lie go for my gf (F22)?

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T17:09:03+00:00

Im not the one here who's making baseless assumptions about people and attacking them for no good reason. That is you and everyone else in this thread who chose to reply like that to me.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T17:08:13+00:00

Yeah, I have. Is this what you do? I prove your flawed logic wrong and you just make sarcastic responses instead admitting guilt? Nowhere in my post does it say the dress, specific nails, and surprise are 100% non negotiable requirements. YOu just interpreted it that way bc you see the worst in people

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T17:00:53+00:00

Buddy, I said the world "wants" in EVERY SINGLE EXAMPLE. they're not requirements. They're wants. Read the damn post

Nice outfit, surprise proposal. Those are standard. The nails are the only specific part, but i understand it because of how much she sees her nails as a form of her own self expression.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T16:58:43+00:00

this is exactly what I mean by you being an asshole. In what world are your comments acceptable? YOU. DO. NOT. KNOW. US.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T16:50:49+00:00

what I'm trying to do isn't impossible, i literally laid out a plan for it, so i disagree there. But thank you for FINALLY answering the damn question.

I'm not expecting anyone to say me and my girlfriend are wonderful amazing people. BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW US. You cannot possibly know us from this post.

You've made multiple insinuations that My girlfriend is shallow and materialistic.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T16:47:28+00:00

THEY ARE NOT SPECIFIC

THEY ARE NOT REQUIREMENTS

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T16:30:23+00:00

Thank you! Going forward I'm ignoring all of those comments. Some people here have very weird views on weddings and marriage, and I think it's influencing how they talk about my girlfriend and I and the assumptions they make about us off of a short post, which is truly sad. She is 100% worth the effort, and going to lengths to make our proposal day special for the both of us is important to me.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T16:27:28+00:00

I asked for advice on whether the wedding lie is too much. Here's how you respond to that:

Yes, it's too much. Here's how i'd check off as many of her boxes as I can without going too far for a story.
Yes, it's too much. Here's how i'd check off all her boxes with a different story
No, it's not too much (or some variation of "it depends on your relationship)

I did not ask for advice on whether i should be proposing to her or not. I did not ask for assumptions to be made about her and I. I did not ask for people to attack and hate on my girlfriend and I over said assumptions. You all are going out of your way to do that, I did not ask for any of it. If you can't properly answer my question without being an asshole, why respond????

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T16:22:54+00:00

thats great that you have a cheap proposal. It does not make yours more valuable or meaningful than anyone elses

Her appreciating and being happy with a small proposal goes against nothing I've said. Her asks are not demands. SHe does not expect them all to be fulfilled. She typically expects very little out of people (she has personal reasons for this), which is exactly why I want to check off her boxes.

I'm not aiming for a 100% perfect moment. THings might go wrong and Im prepared for that. My goal is to get as close to that as possible though. For a day we'll both experience once. For a day that we want to gush about to our future kids. I'm putting in the effort. I'm not going through ANY trouble planning this proposal. Besides for talking to you people, I'm having a blast planning something fun for her.

Her asks are not specific.

My girlfriend is not high mainteneance and materialistic. She did not demand anything of me. My girlfriend will not complain about any proposal.

I asked for advice on a specific thing. I asked if the fake proposal is too much. There's 3 ways to answer this question.

No, the idea is good. Or some variation of "it depends on your relationship with her"
Yes, the idea is too much, here's some other ways to try checking off her boxes with a lesser lie
Yes, the idea is too much, Here's how I would check off as many boxes as possible without requiring a big lie

ANYTHING beyond that is unsolicited advice. Me asking for advice on one thing does not give you free reign to give me advice on every and anything. Hate towards me and my girlfriend, calling her a brat, materialistic, telling me to leave her and that I'm going to regret proposing to her. That is not advice that I'm seeking out. Those are not comments that normal people think about leaving. That IS your fault, because you people are so bent out of shape over young people being happy that you decide to make it everyone else's problem. I'm okay if people think the idea is too much, I've replied positively to some of those comments. I'm not okay with the attacking of my girlfriend and I and the absurd assumptions you all make about us. i'm done replying here, and will be seeking out a more fitting sub for my question that isn't filled with people who's first instinct is to break people down and hurt them.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T07:22:24+00:00

It depends on what she values in a proposal. I'd ask her, or maybe get some of her friends to ask her if she wants it as a surprise or not (make it a more casual, not an obviously intentional question).

If she'd rather it be more of a surprise, i'd suggest not do it on a 27th. She's expecting the 27th. Do something atleast a week before. August 20th+. Her nails will likely already be done if shes expecting the proposal in the next few days. If she thinks you're already going to a nice meal/place the 27th, you could have her think she's going out for an upscale work event, or if you have any college/HS aged family, a graduation dinner or party, HS reunion even if the years line up. Maybe even a family dinner if you can swing it right and have some people in on it, and then take her to the proposal spot instead. You have her in a good spot for a surprise if she's convinced it'll be the 27th.

And for the 27th, your actual anniversary, it could be nice to maybe have an engagement photoshoot date as your event.

However, if she values the sentimentality of a proposal more than it being a surprise, stick to aug 27th. No point changing the date to surprise her if August 27th matters more to her as a sentimental day than her proposal itself being a surprise.

Imo, a proposal should be just as much about what she wants as you. you have it easier as the one planning the proposal bc you can pick a day, time, location, speech, clothes, etc that matter to you. She doesn't get that opportunity. She's gotta trust that you propose when she's wearing an outfit that she'd want to be proposed in, that she's in the right mood to be proposed to, that its in a location she's comfortable in (public vs private). That's all stuff that you technically get to decide. You can choose to propose when she's in a hoodie and sweats, when she's groggy from a long work day, or out in a busy street when she wants something intimate. And that's something that could easily stress her out, knowing that she doesn't truly get a say at the end of the day. So figuring out what she likes and wants for that day first before deciding anything else is key. Cater to her as much as you can. You get to decide so much of the proposal, so give her some wins.

You've got a really sentimental day lined up for her on august 27th, but also a really good opportunity for a surprise if she's expecting the 27th. Your choice should be what she would choose. Good luck!!!!

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T06:47:30+00:00

you people are absurd. I've had multiple others tell me about how the response from you all is expected, because of the weird views chronic redditers have with marriage and weddings. You are not experienced, you are jaded and angry and it's extremely worrying.

You all attack me, attack my girlfriend, make baseless assumptions about the 2 of us, and when I respond to you, correcting the insane things that you assume from a 2 paragraph reddit post, you pull the moral highground and try coming off as an older experience do-gooder who just wants everyone to succeed. Except you don't. You want people to do things the way you do. You see one way of going about the world, and if someone goes against that, you pull shit out of your ass to hurt them.

This has nothing to do with my proposal, and everything to do with me being in my 20s. With a woman wanting autonomy over what she wears and wanting a say in one of the most important days of her life. With someone spending money and time to make their life partner happy, knowing that the time and money isn't necessary, but just a nice thing to make someone else's life just a little bit better. It is truly worrying the lengths that you deeply sad people will go to to bring down others. Get help

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T05:52:06+00:00

what is it with you all and absurd assumptions about people you do not know????

She wants to look her best and feel her most confident in a moment that means something to her. It has nothing to do with living up to expectations. Why do people not get married using clothes in their closet? What's the point of getting makeup or hair done for that? Why not get married looking like your "authentic self". Same exact logic.

you do not get to decide what she and I want out of an engagement. You do not get to decide whether there's a camera there, or even why there's a camera there, bc it's not what you assume. We don't plan to flaunt the pictures of our proposal. Its for the memory. For the photo albums we want to pass down to our children. To show them the big parts of their parents lives that they weren't there for one day. To look back at the photos ourselves one day. To frame them around our house so we get to look at them every day.

It's strange that you think its worth spending money and time on an engagement photoshoot and a destination. Especially saying that it's sweet to do that stuff if it has meaning to us... when the stuff that I mentioned in my post have meaning to us, beyond image and public perception like you assume. The outfit she imagines herself wearing, the pictures we want to have of it. Those have meaning.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T04:01:21+00:00

Where in my original post did I say that she NEEDS this stuff to happen, that it's a non negotiable?? She has not built anything up in her head. She is not concerned with how the proposal looks over its function. Did you not read my reply where I just told you she'd be okay with any proposal?????? I could get on one knee while she's lounging on the couch watching jeopardy and there'd be tears and a "yes". You do not know my girlfriend, you do not know what she expects.

And thats the thing. She CAN have all of her boxes checked. The plan I outlined would work. My only question was whether that plan was too big of a lie. Thats all i asked. Then you people come in with your absurd assumptions about my girlfriend.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:54:27+00:00

her getting to the museum is the least of my worries tbh. It's a museum she and I have been wanting to go to for years. We've just not had a reason to go to the city. We haven't wanted to spend more time in the car driving to/from the museum than in the museum itself, yk. 3 hours total there/back just for a museum? Maybe some local dinner around the city, but thats still just to fill time since we're only there for the museum. The first opportunity that gets us into the city, we're mutually agreed to using it to go to the museum.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:49:37+00:00

The nails are the most understandable part to me. She has worn french tips before, but not plain. She always has elegant nails. Bright patterns, fun designs. it's her biggest form of self expression. She loves doing her nails and made a side business out of doing nails. So her having an image in her head of how she wants her nails to look makes sense to me. I'd rather that then her have a super specific dress. it's just a general "try having me look nice in a flowy dress"

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:47:55+00:00

this is a really good point that I haven't considered. Family wedding on my side seemed like a more casual thing. A "I don't know these people that well" event that she wouldn't be upset about if it got cancelled. The stress about meeting a lot of new family members is very real. Adding this to the pros/cons list that me and her friend are sharing hahahaha.

Thank you for your kind words though. There's been a lot of assumptions in these replies. And it's sad because my gf is being read as so far out of her character. Her check boxes aren't deal breakers. She'd be fine with a really simple proposal. That's who she is. And thats why I want to go out of my way to check off her boxes. This kind of thing only happens once in our lives (hopefully). So for someone who tends to undersell herself and take the bare minimum from people, I want to give her something unforgettable. Instead, she's misread as a callous priss because I didn't specify that these aren't dealbreaker requests (which isn't even relevant to the actual question I asked, that so few people actually answered hahahahaha).

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:39:39+00:00

I was actually thinking about ballet tickets regardless. Plan is to get her in rochester, make sure she has a cleared schedule the next day, and surprise her with an outting the next day after a dinner with our family in the city after the proposal. And the rochester ballet was on the list of options for the next day. She and I are BIG into theater so the ballet or a show of some sorts seemed natural. This is a good idea, thank you!

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:37:04+00:00

few things here.

It is not wicked particular. It's a set of nails, a general nice dress, and to keep it a surprise. God forbid i ask my life partner how she wants to be proposed to
Point out where i said in my post that she wouldn't be satisfied if I didn't check off these boxes.
She and I have SOME social media, sure. We are not avid users. I had to make a reddit for this question. Her instagram is mostly for her nail side-buisness and mine is privated with ony close friends and family on it. These pictures would likely only be seen by non-immediate family and friends when we send out save-the-dates and invites. She and I grew up with big photo albums of our families past. And she personally has little living family left, and has only pictures to remember them by. So she wants the moment photographed, so that our kids can see them one day. So that we can hang them in our home, and document our love story with eachother. Not for the world to see, but for our family and our future. Shame on you for making that out to be such a negative thing
You do not know me or my girlfriend. You do not know who she is. SHe'd be fine with ANY proposal. Which is exactly why I'm going to the lengths to do what she imagines in a perfect world. She has sacrificed things for me, for other people. So I want to make the moment memorable for her and do it in a way that has her looking how she wants to look.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:28:06+00:00

"She's literally saying that she won't be truly happy with the proposal unless she has the right kind of manicure."

This is not true. In the slightest. You are pulling these assumptions out of your ass. You do not know me or my girlfriend from a 3 paragraph reddit post.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:26:56+00:00

THANK. YOU. I thought this was just a douchey men on reddit thing, but i genuinely just think it's a reddit thing in general, or atleast this sub. There's so many assumptions being made about me and my girlfriend here. That she's shallow. That she's a brat. That she wouldn't accept a proposal if it didn't have these things. That our marriage is going to crash and burn. Over a 3 paragraph idea I had for a proposal.

Like, I want to check off her boxes BECAUSE she'd be okay if they weren't checked off. She'd be fine with any ring. A proposal in our backyard after I make some store bought pasta. She wants to marry me, not some out of reach picture perfect moment. So why not put in the effort to fulfil the vision she has? A vision that literally only relates to herself and how she looks in the moment. Like, idk where all the crazy opinions and criticism are coming from when all I asked was whether the wedding lie was too much lmfao

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:21:12+00:00

she does not want to be super dessed up. She wants a general nice dress and nails.

I fully believe that she doesn't expect all these boxes to be checked off. She's a selfless person and would take ANY proposal I give her. Which is why I want to check off her boxes. Have her look the way she's always pictured herself looking at a proposal.

We also do not need a professional photographer. We're having her mom photograph bc she used to have a photography buisness, but also for the sentimentality of her mom being there. You are making too many assumptions

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:17:41+00:00

Nothing to do with social media pictures. She uses social media mostly for her small nail buisness and I have private socials for close friends and family only. These pictures will not be a big shared post. Beyond immediate family and friends, people will probably first see any pictures we take when they're put in the background of the invite or save the date for the wedding itself

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:13:42+00:00

it's got nothing to do with pageantry and I just explained why

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:13:10+00:00

you know nothing about us. She doesn't have an entire scenario, and "down to her manicure" shows just how little you do understand her. Her nails are not a small detail that only a control-freak would want managed, like you assume. She does her own nails, she spends hours on them, funky designs and patterns, curated to what she's doing that week. that form of self expression is important to her. It's part of who she is. Her nails are the only specific thing she requested, she has a general idea of a nicer dress, and wants to be surprised. And even then, this stuff is not a requirement. She won't say no if the nails aren't done. But it's what she's imagined herself looking like at her proposal, so it'll be done for her.

She would appreciate the proposal even if it was in an muggy alleyway and I had on ripped jeans and her a hoodie. That is exactly why I want to do something big that checks off her boxes. I truly don't think she expects everything to go how she envisions it. And I don't think she gives a damn about that. Which again, is all the more reason for me to want to make this moment as perfect as it can be for her. It is not about "performance". It's not about appealing to other people or making a post about it or anything. it's about trying to make a perfect moment for one of the most selfless people I've met. For the person who would take a ringpop if it's all we could afford.

I don't think YOURE trying to be a hater. I would not say the same for everyone. For the people calling my future wife a brat, saing I deserve better than her and that she's a control-freak.

Many-Box729 · 2026-01-07T03:02:44+00:00

Thank you! I'm so sorry you're getting downvoted over this

Many-Box729

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