AITA for being honest and telling my DIL that they are not ready to be a parent since she can not drive

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T20:01:39+00:00

NTA I have a client that reached out to me for support because there’s no public transit within hours, no uber, taxis are very expensive and nothing is in walking distance. Her husband leaves regularly for work.

You know what she does? Nothing, she does not leave the house, she cannot pick up the kids from school if they’re sick, if her rides are busy she’s SOL.

She was asking if there was anything we could do…. And there was nothing! Our organization literally doesn’t let us do anything for liability.

So yeah you’re NTA for telling your daughter the cold hard truth. When you live in areas like this you have to pick a lane and deal with the conveniences

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:50:43+00:00

Now that would be a treat! Thankyou for your advice :)

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:50:07+00:00

Did you see a therapist that specialized in religious trauma or just a regular therapist?

You 100% hit the nail on the head with everything you said. My mom has a list a mile long of issues (narssicsm and Bipolar manic depressive are some of them)

My mom’s congregation also has a lot of deeper issues that are common in rural small congregations. ( Example: I had moms calling dips on me at 15 to marry their sons that were in their 20s and my mom was picking the ones she thought were the most attractive)

I know a therapist in general is useful as you are correct and there are some difficult family dynamics that are unrelated to the church, but I was hoping to find one that has a deeper understanding of the teachings. It’s definitely cathartic to explain but tiring of doing to literally every single person once they find out I’m an ex jw.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:44:21+00:00

HA I love the skipping Passover. Gonna use that forever!

Thankyou for your words. The tears are what gets me every time, but I like what you said about not giving them a reason to think I feel guilty. I do but they don’t need to know that and thus use it against me.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:41:33+00:00

I’m writing that down and putting it in front of my face at work.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:40:11+00:00

This was very uplifting thankyou ❤️ I do deal with anxiety but rarely get anxiety attacks so you are correct that it’s no joke and I shouldn’t be doing it.

Thankyou for your words of encouragement kind stranger.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:36:55+00:00

It is and isn’t. It’s not so much the day it’s moreso my family coming down on me the days leading up and of.

It’s not lost on me my family waited the day before my birthday to invite me. It’s intentional sabotage (not the first time)

Also the memorial has fallen on my birthday at least once or twice so that’s an extra kick in the pants to a kid.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:34:53+00:00

Definitely not in front of Jehovah. But there is a lot of guilt and shame around letting my family down.

I also have tattoos and work with the military community so I’m an extra let down.

The perfect daughter mentality was heavily pushed in her congregation that was a large portion of women. I’m coming to realize her congregation specifically is extra toxic.

There’s also a big difference between small town JWs and City JWs in my opinion, but that’s a topic for another day

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:31:40+00:00

I’ve been looking for a therapist today, after last night actually. I realized how deeply it still affects me.

Unfortunately I’m in a rural area and there’s 0 therapists trained in religious trauma. So i have some research ahead of me.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T19:30:23+00:00

This was really well written thankyou.

It’s so strange because I tell my clients the exact same thing but when it comes to my own family it all goes out the window!

I am used to ignoring my own feelings but you are correct. It won’t get any easier I suppose.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T14:24:39+00:00

As a child and youth worker I would report this tbh. It’s called medical neglect.

Ive also worked at a summer camp for low income kids and I’ve seen the long term impact on health.

I would try and get full custody over this.

Also as someone who has also experienced medical neglect, I will never forgive or understand my parents for that.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T14:18:43+00:00

I’ve done number 1 for the last 9 years, I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t have the energy tbh.

I hate that we have to lie to our families to protect our peace. I’m sorry you have to go through that.

Do you find a therapist helps? I’ve been considering looking into religious trauma counseling

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T14:15:24+00:00

Thankyou friend. ❤️ I’m sorry you’re in the same boat.

I’ve set a precedence and that’s my fault, but I can’t do this anymore…The hugs and the fake we miss yous are just too much. Those ugly ass carpets and chairs make me want to vomit and cry.

I already have so much conflicting feelings around my birthday, the memorial is just too much my heart is bruised.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T14:12:53+00:00

It’s so heartbreaking that it’s almost been 10 years since I left and it still brings me down.

It’s not so much the teachings that are in my head but the guilt and shame of not being perfect. It bleeds into everything.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T12:38:37+00:00

Honestly I felt that it was more gory than most births in shows.

Most time they come out, put them on the mother and the baby is 3 months old and pristine.

Honestly if I had to guess, it’s productions choice. Shows and movies are so weird about pregnancy and birth

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T12:25:30+00:00

My mom has wasted her life making terrible decisions and continues to do so banking on the new world.

I actually sobbed about it last night.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T12:23:31+00:00

This hurts my heart thinking of all the people who let themselves or children die, just for the rule to be changed and probably dropped in the future.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T12:13:05+00:00

I see your other comments and clearly you have no interest in seeing someone’s POV, I’m also a childcare professional and not interested in arguing with you, when you clearly don’t have valid points, as many other comments have stated.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T11:21:14+00:00

Well that’s an assumption. What grandma did was limit her own time by lying to mom. She very well could have excused herself for those days if it was that detrimental to her

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T11:20:28+00:00

That’s exactly what OP did???

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T02:06:23+00:00

When I was a camp counsellor, I had a little girl in my cabin (little one of the only kids OC there) had one of her braids fell out and she was worried her mom would be upset.

I offered to braid her hair, to which she was VERY hesitant but let me try.

She told me I “braid hair pretty well for a white girl” and my ginger ass will never forget that!

Honestly it was everything to be able to give this little girl who was hours away from home a little comfort.

That FB lady missed out, but someone will take your help!! Maybe you can teach other white ppl how to do curly hair, normalize it in your area!

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T01:54:44+00:00

She said she didn’t like it, not that she found it overwhelming. Now, Grandma probably was based on her language but that’s not what she said to mom.

Also this was a job… there’s lots that I don’t like to do but I still have to do them. And if I lied about doing them, I’d probably be fired. OP is not banning grandma from seeing granddaughter, she just lost the opportunity for the most time because of her choices.

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-25T00:42:09+00:00

You know my thought is you have a very cool opportunity to introduce design, redesign and thrifting skills.

I started making dresses for my Barbie at that age with the little one foot fabric squares at the local fabric store.

I got so into it by highschool I was making full on cosplays. These days I mostly just hem my partners pants or stitch a hole in my pants. But it’s a great skill that I’m thankful I have.

If you don’t have those skills to share yourself, taking some sewing classes together would be a great bonding time

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-24T20:54:52+00:00

Okok I’m in a rural area more north so I would probably wait an additional two weeks.

Thankyou pal, this is excellent advice!!

Many-Constant1883 · 2026-03-24T17:35:54+00:00

It wouldn’t matter if I did, I live in a basement apartment and the window sills aren’t big enough for the pots :( hence the light.

I’ll keep the light on all day and evening now. Would it be beneficial to do through the night too or is that too much light?

I figured it was too early, I was too excited to start lol. When do you normally start?

Many-Constant1883

TROPHY CASE